My Life

Here's the typical blah, blah, blah that appears on so many people's websites. If you are actually interested in learning the history of my life in a pictoral format, click here.

Do You really Know me?

So you think you know the enigma named Derek Greenwood do you? But how much do you really know? Take a look at this list of interesting and personal facts about everyones' favorite Derek. Click here, dammit!

Friends, Freaks and Family

My wife Wendy says that I am a "freak magnet." I think she means it as a compliment, but I'm not too terribly sure. If a person is only as colorful as his friends, then I am a very colorful guy indeed. A human peacock, you might say. The following is a list of my friends and other people who get me though the days and weeks. This list is both a tribute to my friends and also gives people a point of reference when I say: "Michelle said this." or "Sioux says to tell your momma' to bathe." If you read this list and discover that you are on it, you know that I consider you to be an important part of my life and that I expect to receive Christmas gifts from you this year.

If you actually read any of the other sections of this site (such as the blog), you will undoubtedly run across one or more of these people in the following list.

Wendy Greenwood

This is my wife Wendy. She's the love of my life and probably the only woman on earth who could put up with me day after day. We've been married for about 15 years, getting hitched when we were kids, but have somehow managed to beat the odds and stay together though all of these years. She's the yin to my yang in this marriage, (get your mind out of the gutter!!!) What I mean is that she is strong in all of the areas where I have the greatest weaknesses. She is a loving mother, the domestic goddess, account executor, and my beacon of light when I have lost my way.
KG3 (formerly known as "The Brat")

The other love of my life. This girl grew up proclaiming herself to be "Mommy's Little Angel, but Daddy's Evil Little Princess." I hope that she'll always be my little mischievous pal, but Wendy hopes that she'll outgrow me someday. She makes me proud to be a Dad.

The Reverend Ed

Reverend Ed is another photographer friend --- Yes ANOTHER one! Ed is the first person who I've ever met that I can really unload on without worrying about what they will think. And by "unload" I mean pooping all over him. Nah, juuuuuust kidding. I'm not sure if my sometimes off-color remarks don't phase him, or if I just don't give a damn if they do. Regardless, you'll find little nuggests of Ed sprinkled throughout my pages.

Ewwww...... that sounded gross!

Captain Alex

Captain Alex was my partner in crime in the design team where we used to work. He's a good guy, but sometimes it worries me that we think so much alike.

I'm sure he'll end up in jail in the near future.


Coyote is one of my work friends whom I pestered her for almost a year while I worked in the cubicle across from her. You'd think shewould have been awarded a medal for puting up with me for all of that time.


Hotdiggety also had the good fortune to sit by me at my place of employment. She is entertaining to say the least. Although sometimes I wonder if she isn't plotting to secretly destroy mankind with her partner-in-crime, Coyote..

That One Guy

The true identity of the man known as That One Guy is shrouded in mystery. Is he a secret double-agent? A former mob boss who’s been relocated? Perhaps he is really the clone of Nicola Tesla. Some theorize that he arose from the Paleolithic period, but no one truly knows.

Yes, the real identity of this man of mystery is a secret even from me. Or maybe not.

Timmaay Shouse

Holy Bat-crap, Timmaay is an evil genius and a former member of the Dynamic Duo of Design.I had a blast working with Timmaay, but he moved on for an exciting life in the big city. His polite demeanor and charm conceal his sick, twisted inner Tim, which only seems to come out around me. His hidden true self is concealed away, much like that of my friend Andra. Sometimes I have nightmares about Tim and Andra plotting to get me. I do! It's terrifying.

I only he would use his powers for good........

Sioux Heiser

Sioux is my bestest buddy in the world and keeps me sane when everything in my life seems to be turning to crap. She never hesitates to point out how stupid I am or how the world would benefit from my death. Unlike most of my friends, I think she may be serious when she says that kind of stuff to me.

Lisa Tebbe

Lisa, used to work with me at Mid America Motorworks where she was the company photographer. That means that she's kind of like an artist, except that all she has to do is push a button instead of actually drawing something. (Just kiddin' Lisa! You know that you rock!) Lisa is alot like me in many aspects. We are both "artsy-fartsy" (sans fartsy), avid cartoon watchers, moody, sculpting hobbyists, and we both like girls.

Lisa is an awesome photographer too! Click Here to check out a few samples of her favorite work, or check out her brand-spankin new website: She also has a photoblog here.

John Schaljo

John was the subject of the infamous Schaljo is A-ok Program and the original fan of this site. He used to bitch and moan whenever I'd miss more than a day or two of posting, but now that he's famous, I don't hear from him as much.

If you ever want to meet John in person, I'm told that every Wednesday night he hangs out at the I70 rest area just before exit 162!

Read an interview of John here.

Jon Lanco

Jon is so damn cool that he doesn't need an "h" in his first name. If you've read these pages for any amount of time, you've surely run across some of our banter.If you ever want to meet John in person, I'm told that every Wednesday night he hangs out at the I70 rest area just before exit 162!


DJ PJ is the first true giant that I met in real life. I didn't believe him at first but one day at work he smelled the blood of an Englishman and ground up his bones for bread. Now I believe.

DJ PJ is a giant. Giant have no feelings.

Eric Greenwood

Most people don't know this, but Eric is actually my evil twin. Its true. Seriously, we have the same birthday (April 19th) but even though he is two years younger than me, he's still my evil twin. There must have been some kinda' space/time continuem or something going on. I dunno.

I first met Eric at my old job where we were both Graphic Designers. Eventually we ended up working side by side in the same department and confusing the bejeezus out of everybody who had to work with us. We somehow managed to work up the ability to feed off of each others personalities and stir up trouble where ever we went.

Liz Greenwood

Another great friend from CCD, Liz became the newest Greenwood when she married my evil twin Eric this year. Liz has always been fun to hang around and always looks on the bright side of things. She has an uncanny ability to listen to a person gripe and bitch about things and then somehow turn their attitude around for the better.
Andra Carson

Out of all of my friends, Andra has the coolest name by far. Say it with me: A-n-d-r-a. A-n-d-r-a.
Andra has to be the nicest person that I have ever met and always cheers me up with her solo musical rendition of the song "Picture Pages." Everybody loves Andra. She is sweet, caring , smart, and helpful. But under that smile is a mischievous prankster with a clever, evil mind. Andra will rule the world someday and no one will ever see it coming until it is too late.

Aaron Zane

Aaron is a helluva guy but needs to learn that when a girl says "no!" that she really means "no." Just kidding!!! Aaron is a great guy and one of my shooting buddies. Shooting; as in guns----- not heroin or morphine or anything like that. We shoot guns. Guns go pow!

It is rumored that Aaron owns thirty copies of "Catcher in the Rye."

Megan Beccue (pronounced Meeeegan Beckyou)

My little red haired buddy! Megan is yet another photographer friend of mine (see a pattern developing here?) who runs a studio out of her house. You can check out her work at Fotos Photography. Although 100% American, I think she is the most British person that I know and will probably end up marrying a future Prime Minister. She's full of good humor, irony, and a biting sarcasm that I have always enjoyed. She is the first part of the former "nightly CCD crew" that I miss so much.
Reginald Smith

Okay, I don't really know this guy, but his picture is soooooooooooo cool that I had to put him in my friends list. I'm not even sure who this dude really is so I named him Reggie. I WISH he would be my friend though. Everybody needs a good pal who has an afro and sideburns! Doesn't he look like he would be an absolute freakin' blast to hang out with. I bet Reggie could put down some brewskis, don't you?

Desiree "Diva" Bennyhoff

The third part of the CCD night crew, Des has to be one of the coolest people that I have ever met. I don't think anyone could help but to have a good time when she is around. She's super cool, opinionated, funny, and maybe, just possibly, a little high maintenance (just kidding Des......or am I?) She, like a whole ton of my friends, is a graphic designer who likes to mess around with photography.

Des actually gave me the weirdest (yet highly appreciated) gift that anyone has given me. On the night that she came back from vacation, she brought me a giant Ziplock bag full of her hair. Yep, her hair. Des, you'll be happy to know that it was put to good use as a texture builder in some paper mache and in a painting, and some of it went into making the scariest damn Halloween decoration ever made. Thanks Des!

You can learn more about the Diva at her boyfriend's site.

Chuck Lewis

Okay, so this is really Stone Cold Steve Austin. But my friend Chuck is big and shaves his head too, and I don't have any photos of him.

Hmmm....what can I say about Chuck? We have been best friends since high school where we both enlisted in the Marines. Then somehow got lucky and were stationed on the same base together. We both got married early and our wives were best friends in school also so it made for a nice little "family" for a few years. After leaving the Corps, Chuck began driving a truck and we saw less and less of him over the years. For a while after the fall of Iraq, he drove materials into Iraq for Brown & Root, but has since come back to continue his schooling with aircraft.

Our schedules don't allow us much time together anymore, but I will always consider him to be like a brother to me.

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