Dating requirements for an un-named friend.
This application was written by a friend of mine who was looking for a boyfriend last year. I'm happy to say that she has recently found someone who makes her happy and fits all of her criterialisted below. So while the position may already be filled, I loved the application so much that I just had to post it here for everyone to enjoy. I'm not sure, but she may seem to be a little high-maintenance, don't you think? Anyway, below is the actual email, with her name removed for privacy. If you sent me this (and you know who you are, let me know if you want me to remove it. ;-)







Derek,
Do you know any dudes who fit this description? I'm getting frustrated and I have very specific requirements.

:) (name withheld until i get an okay from her)


PART 1:
PERSONAL PROFILE
- How many sexual partners have you had, and do any of them have STDs?
- Describe your family in detail.
- Describe your job.
- Do you like animals? What kind?
- What is the most interesting place you have ever had sex?
- What is your favorite type of food? Extra points for tacos... that is my favorite.
- What kind of beer do you prefer?
- Can you be romantic?
- Do you expect sex on the first date? If so, many points will be deducted.
- What is your favorite color?
- Do you write in all caps, lower case, or a combination of the two?
- What is your favorite book?


PART 2:
TERMS, CONDITIONS, EXPECTATIONS & REQUIREMENTS
- You must respect me at all times.
- No degrading behavior toward females.
- Eat what I cook.
- You must enjoy cleaning, because I do not.
- Be nice to your mom.
- Help me build canvases.
- Enjoy washing and waxing my car.
- Take me on a rail cruise and to vineyards.
- Must enjoy Budweiser products.
- Appreciate and talk to my plants.
- Be passionate about music that doesn't suck (no BackStreet Boys).
- Be able to dress well without my assistance.
- Wash my laundry in cold water, no dryer.
- Iron clothes because I don't know how.
- Be able to explain hockey, baseball and football rules to me.
- Enjoy HGTV, Lifetime, TLC, Animal Planet & Food Network. Also Reno 911 and the Spanish channel.
- Be willing to partake in sex at any time.
- Like the colors red and sage.
- Make up songs and sing them to me.
- Take care of me when I'm sick.
- Appreciate my tattoos.
- Maintain an exceptionally clean mouth.
- Like fish in acquariums and for dinner.
- Like biting.
- Give back rubs, and hand/foot massages.
- Have grilling experience.
- Be a competent drink mixer.
- Enjoy tetris & chinese checkers competitions.
- And darts.
- Must be able to accept that I am a bed & cover hog.
- Like to snooze instead of get up.
- Like shower sex.
- Like to read.
- Play with my hair.
- Enjoy and understand cameras, and let me photograph you.
- Surprise me.
- Drive fast with just a hint of occasional road rage.
- Appreciate art.
- Like to cuddle naked and clothed.
- Share electric razor with me and be my personal "manicurist".
- Like roller coasters, swimming & drinking pickle juice.
- Have great organizational skills, because mine aren't that fine-tuned.
- No affairs.
- Be open to sexual experimentation (no threesomes).
- Meet the approval of my best friend prior to first date (an interview with her may be necessary - this is a rigorous test).
- Carry my lipstick, ID & money when we go out so I don't have to carry a purse.
- Have good communication skills, and enjoy talking about nonsense.
- Like bamboo windchimes.
- Enjoy movies.
- Like pups and kittens.
- Must love to dress up for Halloween.
- Have cool friends.
- Like spicy food.
- Be able to clean glass without leaving streaks.
- Think I am still cool, even when I'm not being cool.
- Do not lie to me ever.
- Make me laugh. A lot.
- Be willing to purchase tampons, if in an emergency situation.
- Like to camp and canoe.
- Enjoy shopping at Victoria's Secret.
- Like the idea of riding on the back of my motorcycle.
- Think Harry Potter is a great wizard.
- Understand that the volume on all stereos must only be set on an even number, or a number divisible by 5.
- Have attractive and properly moisturized hands.

PLEASE SIGN AND DATE CONTRACT. THANK YOU FOR YOUR APPLICATION.
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