The Bass-Ackward Questionnaire began as a post on my weblog. It is something a little less traditional than the "question lists" that you commonly see in your email box. In this version, 20 answers are provided, and it's up to you to give the questions for the answers. The 20 answers are listed below, as well as some of the completed questionnaires that were sent in by readers. Submit your questionnaire here.
Here are the answers:
1. Quantum physics
2. Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. No. I would never do that.
4. Probably Bradley.
5. Mercury
6. Behind the building when I was younger.
7. Probably the Exorcist
8. Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. Two dogs and a hamster
10. My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. Seventeen
13. Silver
14. Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. The Florida Keys
16. Put it up for later.
17. Water
18.That’d be awesome!
19. No
20. Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Angie's Questionnaire.
1. How did you get that fat ass into those pants?
Quantum physics.
2. To what do you attribute the girth of said ass?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Can I convince you to eat vegetables?
No. I would never do that.
4. What would you name your parasitic twin if you had one?
Probably Bradley.
5. How would you poison him?
Mercury.
6. Where and when did you first experience anal lovin'?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. What movie does your first grade teacher remind you of?
Probably the Exorcist
8. If you had to choose the vegetable to die from in Death by Bunga Bunga, what would it be?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. What animals share the same IQ as Cheney, Condi and Bush?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Who would you eat last if stuck on a deserted island?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Have you ever worked in Corporate America?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How old were you when the aliens brought you back to Earth?
Seventeen.
13. What color was the spaceship?
Silver.
14. Did you poke yourself with a dildo covered in razors?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. Where did you hide the body?
The Florida Keys.
16. What did you do with the head?
Put it up for later.
17. If you wanted me to kill you, which substance would you prefer?
Water.
18. You mean you'd like to drown?.
That’d be awesome!
19. Would you like sharks added to the pool?
No.
20. Would you visit me in the assylum?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Renee B's Questionnaire.
1. A graduate degree in what field would be required to reverse engineer movie popcorn "butter"?
Quantum physics.
2. What other food does not actually contain it's stated main ingredient?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Would you mind eating them if they did? Would you consider becoming a vegetarian?
No. I would never do that.
4. If a bully came out of a dentist's office with a mouth full of Novocaine, what words would be fun to watch him say?
Probably Bradley.
5. What word might make him pull a tongue muscle?
Mercury.
6. He's going to beat the crap out of you. Where is a good place to run and hide, and during what period in your life could you do so without having a coronary?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. If you tried it now, the feeling of clenching claws around your heart would remind you of which movie?
Probably the Exorcist
8. Name two vegetables you will be eating a lot more of, and where you rank a Quarter Pounder compared to a Big Mac in your daydreams.
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. After a month of carrots and cucumbers, all you can think of are chili cheese dogs and hamburgers. For their own safety, which pets do you give away?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Who takes them in?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Have you ever tried to go on a diet before?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. In your opinion, which magazine has the most anorexic models?
Seventeen.
13. What color are your new bicycle shorts?
Silver.
14. Aren't they kind of tight and silly looking? Don't they chafe?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. The pets you gave away are named Lyon, Morlich and Fairy after the Scottish Lochs. What would be a most unfortunate nickname for your mother's cousins?
The Florida Keys.
16. After two months of dieting, you try on your bathing suit. What do you do then?
Put it up for later.
17. You're thirty pounds overweight. Fat or water?
Water.
18. Could it be steely muscle?
That’d be awesome!
19. Is it?
No.
20. Come on. Is it really just water weight?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Debbie D's Questionnaire.
1. What method would you like to use to murder your mother?
Quantum physics.
2. What would you least like to have shoved up your ass on July 4th?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. You&Mac226;re watching the Indy 500. They are showing an interview with Danica Patrick. Do you jump to your feet, drop your pants and start stroking furiously?
No. I would never do that.
4. What is the best method of natural childbirth?
Probably Bradley.
5. What is your favorite anal lube?
Mercury.
6. When and where did you first have sex with a goat?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. What book does your pastor use the most for sermon references?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What would you least like to have shoved up your ass on July 5th?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. What would you least like to have shoved up your ass on July 6th?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Who would you most like to have up your ass?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Have you actually tried that?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How many of them are there?
Seventeen.
13. What color is your grandmother's pubic hair?
Silver.
14. I heard you got your dog&Mac226;s nipples pierced.
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. What would you least like to have shoved up your ass on July 7th?
The Florida Keys.
16. What would you do if the mayor gave you the finger??
Put it up for later.
17. If the price of gas reaches $3.00 a gallon what would you fill up your tank with?
Water.
18. My sister called and wanted to know if you'd like a handjob.
That’d be awesome!
19. Can I give you one too?
No.
20. Well, would you give me one then?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
The Diva's Questionnaire.
1. Talk of this subject is guaranteed to put you to sleep:
Quantum physics.
2. What are you most likely to eat at a carnival, besides funnel cake and nachos?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Would you ever eat meatloaf?
No. I would never do that.
4. What is the best name to give a little boy, to ensure his future homosexuality?
Probably Bradley.
5. What is your favorite planet, besides Uranus?
Mercury.
6. Where did you like to fornicate in high school?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. What is one of the worst movies of all time?
Probably the Exorcist
8. Least favorite veggies?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. Childhood pets?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Who used to kick your ass when you were little?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Have you ever been to a drag queen show in New Orleans?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How old were you the first time you went to jail?
Seventeen.
13. What color will you hair be in 50 years?
Silver.
14. Ever been left with a gaping wound after a nasty bar fight?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. The Beach Boys LOVE this place (ie: Aruba, Jamaica, ooohhh I wanna take ya...):
The Florida Keys.
16. Should we put the tent up now since we'll be too drunk to do it later?
Put it up for later.
17. Would you rather swim in a pool of Jell-O or water?
Water.
18. Let's go to Bali!
That’d be awesome!
19. Have you ever been caught of having sex with the sheep on your farm?
No.
20. Could I interest you in a glass of Chianti?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Taiitskun's Questionnaire.
(Visit Taiitskun's blog here.)
1. What phrase immediately makes your eyes glaze over?
Quantum physics
2. You have to enter an all-you-can-eat contest, what food would it be?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Sleep with your best friend's spouse?
No. I would never do that.
4. Marion Zimmer Bradley or Anne McCaffrey
Probably Bradley.
5. What would you name your pet dragron?
Mercury
6. Favorite place to makeout?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. What movie has been etched forever in your memory no matter how hard you try to forget it?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What vegetable would you use to demonstrate use of a condom?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. What are Richard Gere's favorite animal companions?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. If you need to create an instant mafia, who would the members be?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Have you ever seen a grandparent naked?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How many fantasies do you currently harbor?
Seventeen
13. What color is your car?
Silver
14. Have you ever picked a scab?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. Where do you want to go on your next vacation?
The Florida Keys
16. What do you do with leftover memes?
Put it up for later.
17. What's one of your biggest fears?
Water
18. Would you ever audition for Ballroom Bootcamp?
That’d be awesome!
19. Have you ever had sex in an elevator?
No
20. Would you ever have sex in an elevator?
17. Water
18.That’d be awesome!
19. No
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
White Raven's Questionnaire.
1. What did you have for breakfast?
Quantum physics
2. What two foods would you rather die than eat?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Would you lie to Derek?
No. I would never do that.
4. What was Derek's first girlfriend's name?
Probably Bradley.
5. What's your favorite beverage?
Mercury
6. Did you ever do anything naughty at church? Where?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. What's the best movie you'll never see?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What vegetables should you never gift wrap as presents for single women?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. What is the current US government capable of managing?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Who in your family is most likely to be picked up for making meth?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Do you have any children?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How old were you when you first became attracted to your current lover?
Seventeen
13. What element makes a great antibiotic?
Silver
14. Ever consider a Matrix style brain port?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. What geographic area has the highest concentration of blue hairs?
The Florida Keys
16. What would you do if someone gave you a blow up doll?
Put it up for later.
17. Air, Water, Wind, or Fire?
Water
18. Would you like to see the drug war ended?
That’d be awesome!
19. Do you think Bush is a good president?
No
20. Could you be persuaded to do a strip tease in public?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Super-Fan Schaljo's Questionnaire.
1. Schaljo is to cool as Steven Hawkings is to?
Quantum Physics
2. What is the most expensive meal you’ve ever bought a friend?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog
3. Would you ever pee on a mentally challenged Hardees employee after a long night drinking?
No. I would never do that.
4. If you were to start a band, what would you name it?
Probably Bradley. (Props to Mac!)
5. Freddy Fender or Freddie Mercury?
Mercury.
6. Where and when did you start hearing voices?
Behind the building when I was younger
7. What is your favorite romantic comedy?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What food tastes the best when you burp and some comes up?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. Do you have any embarrassing tattoos?
Two dogs and a hampster.
10. Ever made out with two chicks?
My cousins, on my mothers side
11. Did you get caught?
Yes, and it scarred my for life.
12. Quick , what is the square root of 289?
Seventeen
13. Black or white?
Silver
14. Any piercings "down there"
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. Where did you get the piercing?
The Florida Keys
16. What do you do when you have to pee?
Put it up for later
17. How do you keep it clean?
Water
18. Can I post a picture of it?
That’d be awesome!
19. Don’t we need Deb’s permission for that?!
No
20. Would you ever kill a kitten?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood
Lisa T's Questionnaire.
1. You have a black hole in your back yard…and you want to know more about it. What kind of book would you checkout at the library?
Quantum physics
2. What would you order if you went to A&W to eat
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Even if you wanted to so bad…would you…if you had the chance - beat the living shit out of someone who wronged you? Examples would include…co-workers, ex-bosses, friends, strangers, etc?
No. I would never do that.
4. What is a name works for people as well as for pets?
Probably Bradley.
5. What planet would you banish some you hated in hopes that they would burn up from the heat of the sun?
Mercury
6. Ever get caught looking at pornography?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. If you needed to cast demons out of someone….who would you call?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What’s your favorite veggie you like to have sex with?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. The strangest 3-way you ever saw.
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Do you have any strippers in your family?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Have you ever jumped out of a plane?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How many midgets can you pack in the trunk of your car?
Seventeen
13. What is your rage color?
Silver
14. Have you ever been bit by a midget?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. -------
The Florida Keys
16. -------
Put it up for later.
17. If you were on fire and had one wish….what would it be…
Water
18.You get to work with David LaChapelle
That’d be awesome!
19. Have you ever masturbated in public?
No
20. Would you…if given enough money….masturbate in public?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Jody's Questionnaire.
1. What was your favorite subject in school?
Quantum physics
2. If you were a food, what would you be?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Would you eat yourself?
No. I would never do that.
4. Milton. Burle or Bradley?
Probably Bradley.
5. If you could visit any planet, which would it be?
Mercury
6. Fill in the blank: I learned about sex the hard way ________________________
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. If I had a band, I'd name it...
Probably the Exorcist
8. The best vegetable to use for a snowman's nose?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. What is your strangest sexual fantasy?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. How about your strangest sexual reality?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Did you grow up in Clay County?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. What magazine(s) do you currently subscribe to?
Seventeen
13. Any Olympic medals?
Silver
14. Do you have your nipple pierced?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. Where do you think Elvis is now?
The Florida Keys
16. If I had a lightsaber, I'd...
Put it up for later.
17. You're lost in the desert. Which do you choose? a map, a car or water.
Water
18. What is your favorite thing to say?
That’d be awesome!
19. Say something brilliant.
No
20. Would you give a bum a quarter?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Poe's Questionnaire.
1. Which form of physics is easier to understand if you comprehend Newtonian Physics?
Quantum physics
2. When soylent green hits the market, which food would you like to become?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Would you ever fill out one of these lists?
No. I would never do that.
4. What WW2 era General have you most modeled your life after?
Probably Bradley.
5. What would you like to buy, and then cruise it up and down the road?
Mercury
6. What is the first line of your hit one man musical?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. What movie most describes your first date?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What is the most conceited vegetable?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. What is the worst new sitcom on UPN this season?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Who are the only people that truly get you?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Have you ever truly understood what Derek Greenwood was talking about?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. What is the number of times you have said "I'm sorry officer, I didn't know I couldn't do that."?
Seventeen
13. Which crayon tasted the best?
Silver
14. Have you ever looked at pornography on your computer?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. What do they use to unlock Florida?
The Florida Keys
16. What do you do with the money that you refuse to give to the homeless?
Put it up for later.
17. What one thing is M. Night Shyamalan afraid of?
Water
18. Use the following letter to make a sentence T H A T D B E A W E S O M E, and don't forget punctuation.
That’d be awesome!
19. Have you ever used a computer?
No
20. Will you hunt down and kill the person who sent you this list?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Derek's Questionnaire.
1. What type of book should you carry around to make people think that you are smart?
Quantum physics
2. Food most likely to be found in Sally Struther's mouth during her autopsy?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Have you ever turned your friend into the police for a crime that you committed?
No. I would never do that.
4. If you had a pet name for each of your body parts, what would you name your septum?
Probably Bradley.
5. Name a car and a planet that was named after a Greek deity
Mercury
6. Ever see two cows mating?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. If a rabbi, a preacher, and an excorcist dueled to the death in an iron cage, who would walk out alive?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What are the least painful vegetables to stick up your anus?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. Name three things that will never enter your anus.
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Name three things that will never enter your anus.
My cousins, on my mother’s side.
11. Have your mother's cousins ever tried to enter your anus?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How old were you when they tried?
Seventeen
13. What is the name of the Lone Ranger's horse?
Silver
14. Have you ever scratched a mosquito bite so hard that it bled?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. Where is the worst place in the country to run your snow plowing business?
The Florida Keys
16. What do you think is the best thing to do if you don't want something right now?
Put it up for later.
17. If you had to swim in a liquid, what liquid would you prefer?
Water
18. Wouldn't it be cool if a bunch of people filled these out?
That’d be awesome!
19. Have you ever herded yaks?
No
20. Would you enjoy herding yaks?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Sioux's Questionnaire.
1. Would you rather learn about quantum physics or lick a dog's weiner?
Quantum physics
2. What gave you the cha chas the last time?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Would you ever sleep with a Mexican?
No. I would never do that.
4. Who do you like better, Milton or Bradley?
Probably Bradley.
5. If you could poison your spouse, what would you use?
Mercury
6. Have you ever been sodomized?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. What movie can you relate to the most?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What vegetable would you like shoved up your ass?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. Do you have any animals living under your house?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Who are you the most ashamed of?
My cousins, on my mother's side.
11. Have you ever cut yourself on purpose?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How many times have you wished you were a midget?
Seventeen
13. If you weren't white, what color would you want to be?
Silver
14. Have you ever lost a toe?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. Where was the first place you were arrested?
The Florida Keys
16. What did you do the last time you sneezed in your hand?
Put it up for later.
17. If your spouse didn't care, what would you name your child?
Water
18. Would you ever seduce a priest?
That'd be awesome!
19. ... a nun?
No
20. ... an alter boy?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Megan's Questionnaire.
1. What subject do you know absolutely jack sh*@ about?
Quantum physics
2. Which food do you most hate to vomit?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Would you smack my ass and call me Dixie?
No. I would never do that.
4.If you had a gay son, what would be his name?
Probably Bradley.
5. What car company do you consider the biggest piece of sh*#?
Mercury
6. Name one place you got caught urinating?
Behind the building when I was younger
7. What movie do you most masturbate to? : ).
Probably the Exorcist
8. What vegetable do you most like to stick into bodily orifices?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. What animals (if any) have you brutally murdered?
Two dogs and a hamster
10. Has anyone in your family ever had an undefined rash?
My cousins, on my mother’s side.
11. Did you ever catch your parents doing 'it'?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. How old were you the first time you saw a black person?
Seventeen
13. What kind of bullet do you need to kill a werewolf?
Silver
14. Have you ever stabbed yourself w/ a lead pencil?
Yes, and even though everyone said that it would become infected, it never did.
15. Where do all the gay people vacation?
The Florida Keys
16. If you ever found a half eaten sandwich in your bed what would you do w/ it?
Put it up for later.
17. Which liquid are more people likely to drown in, their own saliva, peach ice tea or water?
Water
18. Want to win the Lottery?
That’d be awesome!
19. Is Toy Story 2 better than Toy Story 1?
No
20. Would you like to drink every day?
Perhaps, it depends on my mood.
Dementia's Questionnaire.
Sorry my questions suck!
1. What is the subject you excelled in…in another dimension?
Quantum physics
2. What are the foods you saw my sister throw up?
Hamburger or chili cheese dog.
3. Have I been friendly with the neighbors lately?
No. I would never do that.
4. What is the name I would give to a Sims 2 character?
Probably Bradley.
5. What is that silver thingy inside thermometers?
Mercury
6. When you have to go, where would you do it?
Behind the building when I was younger.
7. What is the suckiest horror movie ever made?
Probably the Exorcist
8. What vegetable would I use as a sex toy?
Carrots, with cucumbers running a close second.
9. ------
10. If I win tickets for a nice concert, who will I invite?
My cousins, on my mother’s side. -
11. Was I bullied when I was young?
Yes, and it scarred me for life.
12. What age did I realize that life is pointless?
Seventeen
13. What is my favorite color?
Silver
14.------
15. ------
16.------
17. What is the universal solvent?
Water
18.------
19. No I think my luck will be better this year?
No
20. ------