Thursday, May 27, 2009

Memory Games

If there is one thing that I learned in the Marine Corps, it's that Acronyms are the way to go when you need to memorize information quickly. That's why it's always been easy for me to help my daughter in her studies. Take today for instance; KG3 was prepping for finals and needed an easy way to remember the four steps to building a buget for her consumerism class.

That's when I came up with "Stupid People Molest Ewoks!"

1) S (stupid) - Set Your Goals. ("I want to molest this Ewok.")

2) P (people) - Plan (Just how will I molest this Ewok?)

3 M (molest) - Maintain (How can I keep molesting this Ewok without him telling the Ewok Chief?)

4) E (Ewoks) - Evaluate (Just how well did I molest this Ewok?)

Yeah, it's twisted. But I bet she remembers it for the test!

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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Betty Lou.

Her's the two latest colored artworks for the newest in the Betty Lou series.

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Friday, May 22, 2009

A word of warning.

Slow moving vehicles suck. This morning I lost nearly 15 minutes behind an old, white Lincoln that did nothing more than hog the road with varying speeds between 45 and 50 miles per hour. The white haired driver seemed content with the long string of cars filing behind it like elephants at the circus. You’d think it would be easy to pass him, but the driver’s indiscriminate veering into the other lane kept all of his followers in line.

And then there were the needless slowdowns, where the car would gently decelerate to 45mph for no reason, only to slowly creep back up to 50mph seconds later. It was during one of these slow downs that I noticed a few things about the vehicle. Not only was Jesus his co-pilot, but he also supported breast cancer and had apparently been a George Bush proponent back in the day. I say “back in the day” because that sticker was half torn off – leaving me to ponder if he had changed his mind and to take the sticker off with his own geriatric fingers, or if the harsh Illinois winters eventually peeled the sticker off on it’s own.

But of all the things to notice on this car, the one that really stood out and (at least in my mind) explained it all, was his license plate proclaiming that this white haired old man was in fact a Master Mason.

That’s right! Not a Shriner, nor a typical Mason! This geezer was a Master!!! I guess that’s what kept me from blowing past the old codger for all of those miles. Just what the heck justifies being a MASTER Mason anyway? I sure don’t know. Scenes of a secret meetings with guys in robes ran through my head. Much like in the Star Wars saga, were these “Master Masons” like the old Jedi Coucil sitting around making plans to save the universe? If this guy was anything like the old Master Jedi, then I don’t want to piss him off by passing his car! I saw what Yoda could do when he was like 300 years old, and this guy was only in his 70’s. So I sure as hell didn’t want to get into some sort of Master Mason light saber duel!

But then I realized how ridiculous that was! (And if you recall, I did put the smack down on Yoda a few years back!) But what if this old Master Mason was in tight with the Illuminati or some other secret society that the Masons are affiliated with? If I suddenly just passed this guy, would I then become a target for this old man’s revenge? Would I then have to face the wrath of hordes of religious zealots whose secret mission would be to “make me disappear”?

I didn’t want any of that either! I’ve seen the Da Vinci Code, Eyes Wide Shut, and the Tomb Raider movies and learned how Secret Societies can put the hurt on you! So I just quietly rode behind him until I had a clear opportunity to pass.

But I wanted to put this information out there as proof that this happened, just in case something strange were to happen. That way all of the readers can go to the police if something were to suddenly hap

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Mickey Tree.

Over the past few days, I’ve noticed this peculiar tree that “waves good-bye” to me as I’m leaving work each day. It so resembles a four fingered, gloved Mickey Mouse hand that I just assumed everyone else at work noticed it too. I mean, c’mon, it’s a giant cartoon hand that’s staring you right in the face, right?

So I brought it up in morning conversation and everyone stared at me like I was smoking crack. So at lunch I snapped this photo of the waving Mickey tree. I defy any of you to deny it’s existence now!!!!

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Thursday, May 21, 2009

Overheard at the Office.

Words of wisdom from The Larry: “Sure, the early bird may get the worm, but the late bird gets to bang the waitress at Denny’s.”

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Two Birds, One Stone.

Just a thought. Since there are so many unwanted puppies at dog shelters, and so many homeless people in the USA, why not kill two birds with one stone? I say that we issue each homeless person his or her own puppy. The puppies will be happy, provide the homeless people with love, protectiom, and much needed companionship. Then when times are especially bad, the homeless can have a good, hearty meal. And we won’t even have to spend the money on putting the dogs to sleep, nor a meal for the homeless!

I think Obama needs to weigh in on this one……

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Random Thoughts.

Here are just a few random thoughts that ran through my head today.

1) Behind every successful man is a woman nagging him to wok harder to pay for their boat.

2) And when I asked about their only being one set of foot prints in the sand, he said to me “yeah, that’s because I went out to get a mocha latte.”

3) After Godzilla attacked Tokyo for the 20th time, wouldn’t you think they’d stop making houses out of super-flammable rice paper?

4) Why do they call it “passing” a kidney stone? The word “passing” doesn’t really describe it. You “pass” a test, or even a vehicle. They should call it something like “Giving wiener-birth to a rock baby.”

5) Whoever said that the pen is mightier than the sword, has probably never been in a swordfight.

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Friday, May 15, 2009

Another strange headline combination gleaned from msnbc.com!

I don’t check the msnbc news page very often, but every time I do, I seem to find these freakishly funny news headline combinations. Are these apparent to everyone, or do I just have a twisted mind? Or both?

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Thursday, May 14, 2009

Lightning, Lightning, Go Away!

There are several little things in life to enjoy. Nuzzling soft kittens, holding little babies, sipping hot chocolate on a crisp winter morning, hugs from grandparents, and silently passing gas as you leave a crowded aisle at Wal-mart. But over the past two days, I am reminded of another of life's little joys – walking in a slow, steady rain on a warm summer day.

I haven't been able to do it yet, but I'm sure that KG3 and I will soon take a rainy-day walk through the town. If only the lightning would stop for an hour or two and allow this, one of life's little pleasures, to come to fruition.

Side Note: If you'd like to read some more of Life's little pleasures, click here. And feel free to submit your own that I will post on the page.

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Inky Fingers

It's been a while since I've put my ink pen to paper, so over my past few lunch hours I have been working on a new drawing in the “Betty Lou” series. The series revolves around Betty Lou, a tattooed, retro looking “Betty Page” style girl and her boyfriend Duke (aptly named by Jason of the Nobodies Show – thanks Jason). The concept behind the series is simple – Duke is meeting Betty Lou at her job at the Steel Mill, and driving her home. Pretty boring concept, huh? But did I mention that he's doing it at the onset of a zombie apocalypse?

So this drawing shows Betty Lou's first encounter with a zombie while she is busy riveting girders at work. This is just the inked version, complete with mistakes, which I'll fix later with some good ol' fashioned white-out. I'll also post a larger colored version once I get it finished.

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Monday, May 11, 2009

Word to your mother.

1) Good Moms know that action figures are nothing more that small dolls, but don’t let it on when thier sons are constantly expanding their Star Wars collection.

2) Moms don’t understand the facination of lightsaber duels, super hero capes, dinosaurs, or tommy-guns, but still let thier sons indulge in the fanasy.

3) Even though it disgusts them, Good Moms let their sons bring in all manner of bugs, tadploes, and all other creepy-crawlies in the house and store them in jars.

4) Good Moms are well aware of the risk of eye loss, but look the other way when it comes to boys and thier bb guns.

5) Good Moms realize the importance of video games.

6) Good Moms don’t really undertand the need for having a clubhouse, but allow thier sons to build them anyway.

7) Good Moms really knew what is going on when thier teenage sons spent waaaaaaay too much time in the shower, but have the decency never to bring it up.

8) Good moms willingly drop money on things like comic books, posters of Farrah Faucet, and toy robots even though they don’t understand the appeal.

9) Good Moms live through years of thier sons espouting catch phrases from thier favorite TV shows like “I love it when a plan comes together!” and “Get those Duke boys!”

10) Good moms still love thier sons even after they do thngs like spray paint the neighbor’s animals, set the backyard on fire, break their collectibles, shoot arrows through the neighbors cars, etc.

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Friday, May 8, 2009

I Got Game!

I eat lunch at a community park everyday. While there, I constantly see people throwing frisbees across the yard and it took me a while to figure out just what was actually going on, It’s called Frisbee-Golf. A game where players take turns throwing frisbees in an attempt to land them inside a structure of steel poles and chains. To be honest, it looks really fun, but just like other sports, it requires an investment in gear to play it well. You can't play it with standard frisbees you see, but you need to purchase special ones to play it properly. There are several special frisbees of different weights which lets you throw further, etc, much like the specialized clubs in golf.

So if this “combination game of Frisbee and golf” is so popular, why shouldn't I be able to make up my own game that mixes the fun of Frisbee and the technical ability of golf?

Well, after minutes of pondering this, I did come up with one. I call it “Golf-Frisbee!” My game is also fun to play, combines the two games, but unlike Frisbee-Golf, Golf-Frisbee doesn't require specialized gear.

My game can be played with any standard golf ball! That's it! Will little investment, you and your friends can be playing Golf-Frisbee in no time flat!

Rules of Play: Unlike Frisbee-Golf, which emulates the game of golf with frisbees, my game emulates the game of Frisbee - but with golf balls.

One player stands 30-50 feet away from the other and they take turns throwing a golf ball back and forth. See? The rules are quite simple. (Warning: playing golf-Frisbee with your dog may incur serious damage to the dog's teeth - so this method of play should be reserved for advanced players only.)

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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Today's Lunchtime doodle.

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Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Today's Lunchtime doodle.

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Sunday, May 3, 2009

Tiny Bubbles Lie.

A few weeks ago, I made the mistake of adjusting the headlights on our Cadillac. For years, it seemed like the headlights weren't aimed correctly.They worked, but I always had the feeling that they weren't quite as bright as they should have been. So when we were installing the new radiator at my father-in-law’s shop, I figured it was the perfect time to adjust the lights too. It seemed like an easy procedure, the car even has leveling bubbles to make the task easier. Or so I thought. After leveling the bubbles, I was content to drive home, content in the knowledge that I would be a night-driving SOB from then on.

Then darkness fell, and I realized that my right headlight was illuminating the trees, perfect for hunting raccoons, not so perfect for driving. But that was understandable, after all, my air-ride system hadn't been working properly for a while. So if the air ride had the car off balance, then the leveling bubbles would be off. Situation explained, right? Not quite, because my left headlight was somehow shining about four feet in front of the center of the car, brilliantly illuminating the hood ornament.

Since then I have adjusted my lights three times. Eventually I'll find that sweet spot that allows me to see perfectly at night. The lights will illuminate things perfectly, causing bugs to glow like workers at Chernobyl, deer to glisten like a glazed doughnut in the sun, and the painted lines to blaze like glowsticks. Yes, all will be perfect and bright, blazing in my vision like the world of Tron. And I will be happy.

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Saturday, May 2, 2009

Prom, Prom, Prom, Prom......

KG3 had her first Prom tonight, and now I realize what 50 million other parents felt like before. Wendy and I stayed awake until she came home around 3am. Nervous and anxious for her safe return.

Here are some pics from her first prom.

The Dress and the hair-do.

A couple of shots showing the formal dress and the casual shoes that she wore to prom. And here she is striking the classic 1950's "They're coming for you, Barbara." pose.

A close-up of the curls and eye make-up.

KG3, her prom date, and the rest of her crew.

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Friday, May 1, 2009

Five voices.

I'm not sure if there is any significance about this, but I've noticed that I have multiple speaking voices. Not like multiple personalities or anything, just voices that change depending on the situation. I don't know if this is common among other people, but I know that they exist in my life. I don't notice them very often, and it usually takes the "Marine" voice to burst out before I consciously realize that my voice changed. All I know is that I have at least four very distinct voices, all of which differ in octave, that are used in differing situations. The following is a list of the voices and when I have discovered that I subconsciously use them:

Derek – This is my normal voice, the one you'll hear me using throughout the day. It's the most common and is the manner in which I naturally talk.

The Marine – This voice comes out unbeknownst to me whenever I am trying to talk business, or need to enforce a point. It is louder and much deeper than my natural voice. This is the voice that always takes me by surprise. It just comes out involuntarily whenever I need to get something accomplished or if I am expecting some sort of verbal or physical confrontation. For those of you who know me, The Marine is often accompanied by hand gestures such as smacking one fist into the palm of my other hand.

The Babbler – This is the common "goo-goo-ga-ga" voice that is used when I talk to babies and small children. You know how it sounds. Heck, you’ve probably used it. It's the ridiculous voice that comes out automatically and reverts me into a blithering idiot. It sounds stupid and I know it.

The Mammas Boy – This is the most embarrassing of the bunch. I never really noticed this voice until a few months ago when I was having a conversation with my mom over the phone. The Mamma's Boy Voice is a lot like my natural voice but a little bit softer. It's a gentler voice reserved strictly for phone conversations with my mother. I don't know how this one developed, but it’s definitely it’s own distinct voice.

The DI Marine – This is the not so nice version of The Marine voice, and is reserved strictly for the worst possible scenarios. This voice only comes out whenever I am extremely agitated. It is loud, forceful and has been known to make people cry. Once the DI has been released, there's usually no stopping it until someone cries, leaves, or gives in to my argument. This voice is not fun to deal with – ever!

So there they are! For those of you who know me, have you ever experienced these voices? Does anyone else to this???

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Yeah, I said it!

Just in case you are one of the people who've been hiding under a rock for the past few years, Twitter is the "newest" social media sensation on the net. I use the term "new" lightly though since it has been around for almost 3 years and has been growing in popularity over the past few months. Now it seems like everyone with a 3G phone is Twooting Twitting Twatting Twittering.

The problem is, that for every interesting person posting, there are half a gazillion idiots also posting. So the entertaining-to-stupid ratio is astounding. Let's face it. Most of the people we know don't have enough original thoughts in their brain to begin with, let alone the ability to broadcast their thoughts to the world.

It's the same with blogging. For a while it seemed like everyone had a blog! It was fun to surf sites like blogger.com and blogspot.com until you realized that 95% of the material was the same stuff being regurgitated from blog to blog. Very few bloggers were putting out original content, and of that, even little was worth the time it took to read. That being said, I hope that you feel my stupid little site is worth your time.

So back to Twitter..... If I had personal connections on Twitter who were either insightful or funny, then I'd be all over this new social media. But I don't want to hear about people not finding a parking place, or waiting in line at the DMV. And there are interesting people out there! If Reverend Ed ever started twittering half of the crazy stuff he thought throughout the day, it be amazing. The twisted musings of JPoe or Captain Alex would also probably have me addicted to Twitter like a crack whore needing a fix. But since that'll probably never happen, I'm hoping this whole Twitter thing goes the way of Second-Life and dies.

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009 Typewritten Wendy ad KG3 bought me a cool desk for the iMac for my birthday. It isn't your traditional computer desk, it's actually a small desk that holds a concealed old-fashioned typewriter. The lady at the antique store seemed a little disturbed when I told her that I was going to disassemble it and use it for a computer. But it was too late, she'd already taken our money. And amazingly enough, the old typewriter still worked when we put paper in it. KG3 immediately took over of course, since she'd never seen one of these old' fangled machines before. So did she type something nice? Of course not. It's kind of ironic that she's wanting to go into journalism, yet her first words were slanderous and full of libel! Her first sentences with the rustic old machine is shown below.

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Just a walrus I drew over lunch

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Thursday, April 16, 2009

Grass Clippings

I hate to admit it, but it’s mowing season again. Few things are seen as a blessing and a burden at the same time, but a yard of tall green grass is one of them. The full lawn is a sign that Spring is finally here, but also ushers in the time of endless lawn maintenance.

I wish that grass could be trained like animals. Cattle and dogs can be trained by electric fences. If they touch it, they get zapped. So they learn not to touch the fence. One would think that eventually evolution would kick in and they would instinctually know to avoid the fence.

Even plants evolve. That’s why cactus live in low water environments and cyprus trees live in marshy lands. They’ve evolved over the millennia to suit their environmental extremes. So perhaps one day grass will follow suit. After learning that it will be cut in half when it reaches 2 inches of height, perhaps it will “learn” to stop growing beyond that. Maybe our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren will never have to worry about mowing the lawn.

Until then, I’ll just have to keep the ol’ iPod cranked up as I mow.

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Reintegration

After several months of job searching, I finally re-entered the workforce. So like a busy little ant, I've been ironing the shirts, shining the shoes and digging out the old tie-tac.

So far, I think the biggest adjustment has been conditioning myself to go to bed at a decent hour again. I've always been a night-owl, but now I'm having to force myself to go to bed around 11. But falling asleep is difficult for me unless I'm really tired. Sometimes my mind races so fast that I have trouble falling asleep at all.

I typically combat the fleeting thoughts by listening to podcasts at night while I fall asleep. The shows keep my mind focused on something until the sandman knocks me out.

It sounds strange, but if I just let my mind wander at night, it could be hours before I drift off to dreamland. By the time all of the wacky ideas stop flowing, it can be around 3am. And I have gotten accustomed to that. but no more......

Asleep at 12...... awake at 5:30. The challenge awaits.

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Monday, April 13, 2009

VROOOOooooooom!

It's been a long time coming, but KG3 finally got some wheels of her own. She's now a proud owned of a Chevy HHR!

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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Bad headline wraps...

I'm thinking that MSNBC needs to pay a little more attention to how their headlines read. It's not difficult to do, all they have to do is change the order to avoid weird little phrases like the ones I found below in today's headlines.

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Monday, April 6, 2009

As it occurs to me...

We just heard that our property taxes are going up again. But it makes me wonder why we should have to pay it anyway. It's not like we even own the property yet anyway, the bank does. Shouldn't that mean that the bank should pay the property tax?

Who's with me?!!! Rise up against the tyrants! Tonight we dine in hell!!! Say it with me....THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!

Oh, nevermind.

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Thursday, April 2, 2009

Ever get the feeling that you're being watched?

Yeah, me too!

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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Creepy Crawlies

Some of you will be disgusted by this post, but I don't really understand why. It's no secret that I like to fish. I've done it all of my life, and I consider it to be the most relaxing (and sometimes exciting) of all of my hobbies. But along with the hobby comes a few things that bother Wendy. One of which, is probably the laundry and the smell it leaves behind. But that's not what I am going to write about. I'm writing about a practice that I never realized would be an issue with anyone, that is - until I was married.

What I'm referring to is the practice of putting night crawlers in he refrigerator overnight. She's kind of learned to live with it, but it really grosses her out.

But is it really gross? I guess I don't see the sickness of it that many people do. I mean, you put chicken in the fridge, right? And when you think about it, the chicken is already dead for crying out loud. That means that the chicken is actually decomposing, second by second, right there in your very fridge. But not the night crawlers! No, the cold merely slows them down, keeping them alive for another day. No decomposition. No rotting. No problem!

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Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Caving in to the whims of our kid

KG3 has been bugging us to get a tattoo since she was like 13. So eventually we caved in to all of the begging (like all parents do after all.) We're not too happy about the size of it, but at least she got something cool looking. At first she was going to get a dragon, but she went ahead and decided to get the rabbit from the movie "Donnie Darko."

What the heck, your only young once, right? Plus, she's 16 now and she's old enough to take responsibility for her choices, I guess. And she can always get it removed later if she wants to get it lasered off, right?

Just kidding, it's only a sharpie marker drawing that her friend Ginger drew. Cool though, huh?!

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Monday, March 30, 2009

Seen and Noted on a Walk

KG3 and I were walking and spotted this photography studio in need of repair.

KG3: Oh, my god! What's an Assport?

Me" "Probably not what you are thinking."

KG3: (laughing) "I hope not."

Me: " At least it doesn't say assport services! But then again, times are tough in this economy. Ol' Norman might have to offer a little assport service if he just can't make ends meet."

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Sunday, March 29, 2009

Sometime it's better not to ask!

Wendy and I were laying in bed today when she noticed that I was in deep thought.

Wendy: "What are you thinking about?"

Me: "Cat darts."

Wendy: "Cat darts?"

Me: "Yeah, they'd be little glass tubes that you suck a cat into up to it's head. Then ninjas shoot them, and when they go inside the victim, the glass breaks and the cat swells up inside of them, but the head is still on the outside."

Wendy: "Don't you ever think about anything normal?"

Me: "Well, a minute ago I was thinking about how a large, blue steel pipe could wrap over our door frame. Is that normal?"

Wendy: "No."

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Saturday, March 28, 2009

The Fraidy Fett!

I was getting a new piece of sandpaper from my shop tonight and was shocked to see the warning that was printed on the back. I fully understood that you should use a facemask for safety, but I had no idea that even Boba Fett is required to wear protection!

Believe me, if friggin' Boba Fett, the baddest mutha' in the galaxy, is wearing an extra facemask, then I'm sure gonna' wear one! Maybe it's not the paper at all. Perhaps ol' Boba is still a little freaked out about sand since he fell into that giant worm's belly in Episode 3. Who knows....

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Friday, March 27, 2009

Stayin' in the Game!

I've been trying to stay on to of my design skills since I'm still looking for a job. So at least once a week I've been creating something for my portfolio. I'm trying to do stuff a little out of the realm of the Corvette realm that I was in while working at Mid America Motorworks. So here are a few pieces from the last month or so that have taken me a little out of my comfort zone.

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Friday, March 27, 2009

This weeks WTF post!

This screen shot from MSNBC news pages has to be one of the strangest headlines I've ever read!

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Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'm Back in Black!

Some of you guys know that I've been spending a little bit of time playing on this new-fangled social networking site called Facebook. I'll have t admit that it's addictive as hell in the beginning! You can post whatever your doing and have instant access to what all of your friends are thinking at that very moment.

But after a month or so of vigilantly checking it multiple times a day, it made me realize something. Most people just aren't as interesting to read about as I'd like them to be. I know that sounds a bit condescending, but it's not really meant to be. What I mean is that instead of witty, fun banter, most people post things like "Jethro is mowing the yard." or "Sally has to take her kid to the dentist today."

Informative, yes. But fun to read?

I've been guilty of it myself though. friends have known when I had gone fishing, taken walks, and even when I was doing dishes! But where is the value in posting stuff like that? It's kind of silly, really. With this blog, I can go back in time and see what I'd been doing and thinking over the years, and when i compare it to my last few months of Facebooks posts, the social networking site comes up pale.

Don't get me wrong, I've used Facebook to contact friends that I haven't seen in almost 20 years, and it's great to keep in touch, but the creativity isn't there!So I'm going to try and make a real concerted effort to update my blog as much as I can.

Truth be told, I kind of miss doing it.

Hopefully I'll be able to add some new features that I liked from Facebook and apply them to my blog, llke an RSS feed, and the ability for people to post comments on my posts. Those are my goals right now, and I'm looking into ways of making that possible. But for right now, I'm going to trudge along oldstyle and continue posting in my blog like I used to. Hopefully I can get enough readers built back up to make it worthwhile.

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Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Sheer Genius!

KG3 was studying authors for her Scholastic Bowl competition.

KG3: "Dad, do you know what Victor Hugo wrote?"

Me: "The Hunchback of Notre Dame."

KG3: She flips through her study materials and then says "You're right."

Me: "Of course I am."

In reality it was a lucky guess. It wasn't until later that I told her how I came about that answer.

Picture if you will my mind clicking and whirring as she asks the question "Do you know what Victor Hugo wrote?"

My brain fires up in a quick burst of random association..........Victor.......click click whirr....Victor Frankenstien.......click click whirr....Hugo.......click click whirr....Igor.......click click whirr....Hunchback.......click click whirr.... "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"

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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Giants Shouldn't Dance!

A few months ago M@tt sent in a list of quotes from me that he had been writing down last year. I'll admit they sound strange, but also remember that they are taken out of context on here. They wouldn't be as strange if the actual conversations were included...... We all have conversations where there would quotes would apply, right?

8/15/08 - "Hey Alex, you ever stuck a magnet up a cows ass?"

8/20/08 - "You’ve been corn-dogged!"

9/03/08 - "This dude rocks the flute!"

9/03/08 - "Jumbo tacos, why is that funny?"

9/16/08 - "Did you just call me punjob?"

10/06/08 - "I wish you were pretty to Paul!"

10/07/08 - "Why would they make a little Chinese robot girl when you can get a real one for free?"

10/08/08 - "When your 80 years old and you look at someone under 40 you’re a pedophile!"

10/090/08 - "His girlfriend left him, now he’s going into jerk mode!"

10/13/08 - "If someone ever needed a picture of face of a beat-up hooker then they could use Amy Winehouse’s face because they wouldn’t have to do anything to it."

10/17/08 - "Catholic girls don’t have periods."

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Thursday, January 15, 2009

Inappropriate Comic Book Panels

It's been about a year since I've added any featured pages to my site, so I finally went ahead and built one. So here is an entire page of Inappropriate Comic Book panels taken from old comics.

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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Fixing a cat that wasn't even broken

We got our cat back from the vet today after taking it to be fixed and having his front claws removed. The cat was a shredder, always tearing on stuff - so I thought it would be better to have his front paws declawed. Looking back on it, I don't know if I'd have gone through with it if I'd have known about how miserable it would have made him feel afterwards. But it's too late...... As soon as he got home, he avoided contact with us and went into the bedroom to lay down for hours on end.

Me: (after coming home from job hunting) Where's the cat?

Wendy: He went to lay down in the bedroom.

KG3: Yeah, he's mad at us.

Me: Why would he be mad at us? We didn't do anything.... You weren't mad at us when we took you to get your tonsils removed!

KG3: Dad, that's different. If Mom and I dropped you off at a strangers and had them cut off your balls and rip out your fingernails, wouldn't you be mad?

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Friday, January 9, 2009

My favorite cartoon

I've had this cartoon online and thought it was the funniest thing since feeding a baby peanut butter.....

Don't get it? Look up "Chupacabra" and discover the spanish translation. Love the cartoon? Find tons more like it at Dave Lowe's Paraabnormal site.

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Sunday, January 4, 2009

It's been a while

I know it's been a while since I've posted here, but things have been hectic these past few months.

Let's see... what have i been up to in a nutshell?

We found out that my Grandpa has three different forms of cancer, so we've been spending time getting him to and from the hospital.

I moved my grandmother into an assisted living apartment

I moved my Aunt to Decatur Illinois (a few hours away)

Christmas, KG3's Birthday, New Years.

We've had lung infections, the flu, typical Greenwood moodiness, and oh yeah, that whole "I can't find a job" thing.

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Saturday, January 3, 2009

Why I do what I do.

At one time I had quite a large following with the Halloween internet community, but after finding that someone else was profiting off of my work, I took my free tutorials down. Most of the viewers were supportive of my decision, but every once in a while I'll still get email from pissed of people. Here's one that I got today and my reply:

From: featsofmagic@hotmail.com
Subject: skin face
Date: January 1, 2009 10:37:52 PM CDT
To: contact@madhauscreative.com

So in essence the people who sold your free work win because you refuse to help others haunters who are just starting, great job. Now who’s greedy, them or you.

Subject: Re: skin face
From: contact@madhauscreative.com
Date: January 3, 2009 9:13:13 PM CST
To: featsofmagic@hotmail.com

Dear mean ol' magic guy,

As a matter of fact, I was emailing pdf files of the tutorials to people who requested them. But guess who won't be getting anything from me...... Yep, grouchy people who complain instead of asking politely.

Thanks for the email Evan! I hope to see all of your projects online soon.

Yours in greed,

Derek

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Maiden voyage!

KG3 took her maiden voyage on her own today after passing her driver's test during the worst ice storm of the year. Yes, our baby is 16 now. I feel so old.....

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Monday, December 15, 2008 What's in M@tt's Pocket? M@tt Sent me an email along with these photos of a rather curious sticker. Derek, Ok so you ready to laught??? Jan found this "great" sticker on her banana!! Once again, what where they thinking???? I had to take a picture of it so I could send it to you. I think you know what to do with it.....well go online to find your pocket of course!!!! later, matthew

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