Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Framework

As the weather is getting warmer, I start feeling myself pulled in to directions. The first is to break out the fishing poles and go to the lake. The other is more sinister... Yes as soon as it feels warm outside, my brain automatically starts to get the itch to start my Halloween prop building.

I'm hoping that this will be the year that I get my two Halloween Prop building books completed and ready for sale before the haunt season takes full swing in June. I've already designed a basic website to house the books' page, but have yet to purchase a separate url for it.

I've posted the basic framework for the site here. It's far from complete, but I'd readily accept any opinions or suggestions at this point. I'm trying to keep the design and navigation as simple as possible and have refrained from the flashy animations/sounds etc. I want to keep it clean, concise, and simple. All of the pages should work, but some lack full content yet... so be gentle.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Betty Lou Series

It's been a long time since I've worked on any new works to my Betty Lou series of drawings, The series is a pictoral description of a man named Duke trying to pick up his girl Betty Lou at work while amidst the beginning of a zombie apocolypse.

I'll probably work on some new drawings when the weather gets warmer since the ajority of my drawing time occur during my lunch hours. But for the meantime, I thought I would post all of the drawings in the narrative order in which they should be viewed.

Technical note: All of these drawings are hand sketched and then inked on paper before coloring them in photoshop.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Friday, March 5, 2010

Three Solutions

Kprat was building a powerpoint presentation and asked for some help removing the name off of a building for the slide show. I agreed to help of course, since I am both a graphic designer and super-cool dude.

Quick Note: Sometimes people need to be a little more specific in their instructions when they ask me for something, or else misunderstandings like this can happen…

From: Kprat
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 3:07 PM
To: Greenwood, Derek
Subject: Favor

Can you make the name on this unreadable? If you look real hard you can tell what it says.

--------------------------------------------------------
From: Greenwood, Derek
Sent: Fri 3/5/2010 3:43 PM
To: Kprat
Subject: Favor

Here you go!

--------------------------------------------------------
From: Greenwood, Derek
Sent: Fri 3/5/2010 3:44 PM
To: Kprat
Subject: Favor

On this one, I covered it with a Havalina!

--------------------------------------------------------
From: Greenwood, Derek
Sent: Fri 3/5/2010 3:46 PM
To: Kprat
Subject: Favor

Here you go…..this time for sure!

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Thursday, March 4, 2010

I'm an idiom idiot!

Note to self: When teasing someone about a slip of the tongue, be sure to get your terms correct before doing so.

Kari-with-a-K: “I'm really busy today. I guess I have too many balls in the fire.”

Me: "I guess so -- because you can’t even get your metaphors correct."

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Unbelievable

I was doing some research online and ran into this amazing FAQ list. Do they really expect us to believe that the fifth most asked question is “Why is my smoke alarm chirping?” Can they be serious?! Am I expected to believe that a person who doesn't recognize basic smoke alarm maintenance is capable of operating a computer, navigating to a page and submitting a question?

C'mon!

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

WTF MSNBC????

For the first time in 6 years of blogging, I................... am................. speechless!!

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Hierarchy of Co-workers

1) Co-workers are disgusted when you have a booger hanging out your nose.

2) Good Co-workers can overlook the fact that you have a booger hanging out of your nose.

3) Great co-workers will stop you and say, “Dude, you have a nasty booger hanging out of your nose.”

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The most contradictory photo of the day….

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Monday, March 1, 2010

Tiny spaces and cavernous places.

The following is an abridged email conversation about the workplace. Certain members of the team were temporarily relocated while remodeling is going on. Some of us were moved into tiny spaces, while two of use were moved into cavernous places. Luckily for me, I was temporarily "upgraded" to an office instead of one of the smaller workspaces. Good thing I'm a swell guy and don't brag about my good fortune.

Hotdiggity: Hi All! I miss you already …… this new neighborhood is extremely quiet ……. I have already been told that my phone and me paging is going to get old. Have a great day; hope to see you soon!!!

Me: I know! I miss you guys too. Kari-with-a-K and I are stuck in this office with an outside view that is totally distracting. Not to mention the fact that there aren't any interruptions. I guess what I am saying is that it's way too quiet and this desk is way too big for one person.  ;-)

You know what? Maybe you could ask maintenance if all of you guys could move into this office with Me and Kari-with-a-K. There's plenty of room. This office is HUGE!!! Kari-with-a-K is actually contemplating bringing in some furniture from home, just so it doesn't look so vacant. And we might split the room in half and get some bathrooms put in opposite the fireplace.

Coyote: Just put a little salt in the wound.  I have 2 bruises on one leg from swinging around to get up and hitting my knees on my new cube.  I have a new visitor- a lady bug – and they really isn't any room for him.  It is dark, cold and lonely.  I am not positive but I feel like I might be hanging upside down in a cave.  But really Derek you and Kari-with-a-K enjoy your temp home, because in a few short weeks your s'more making life will be over and you too will have bruises, be cold and lonely.  

The Innocent One: Oh Coyote you just made me LOL!! Derek your days are numbered………………

Jan's Prettier Sister: Derek let me know when the bathroom is in working order in you and Kari-with-a-K's office because I really don't like using the Public one down here on main floor.

Coyote:  I am going to put in a request for pads on my desk to prevent bruising.

Me: My desk has automatic airbags to prevent bruising. Kind of annoying, really…..

Coyote: Wow!!! You are really living the high life over there. 

Me: High Life? I think we have some Miller High Life in our walk-in fridge. I'll check on my lunch hour and let you know. I'm too busy dusting the chandeliers right now.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Monday, March 1, 2010

Self Esteem

I just learned something………….

If you are overweight like me or if you're one of those people with a bad self-image, just go eat the lunch buffet at Ryans and look around the place. You'll immediately feel AWESOME about yourself!!!

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Hey, Ladies.

If you are going to request someone's friendship on Facebook, make sure that the first post on your wall isn't a not-so-subtle innuendo! I'm just sayin'....

Besides - fertilizing flowers to earn coins isn't even legal in Illinois!

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Words of Wisdom.

To a friend.

"Jason, it's good to be committed to something. But it's bad to be committed to somewhere.

And to another friend...

"I'm the type of friend who will laugh when you fall, tell stories about you to other people, never return your phone calls, and only come over whenever I need a free dinner.

Psyche........"

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Monday, February 22, 2010 Release the Bacon! European Bishops are encouraging catholics to give up their iPods for lent. They maintain that it isn't about giving up the music, but saving energy and cutting down on Coltan, a mineral mined heavily in the congo and used in iPods and cellphones. But we know it's about the music. It's always about the music. I bet Kevin bacon could pay a visit to the Pope and get this straightened out. He did it before in the 80's, remember?! I have a suggestion, instead of Bishops trying to get followers from using their iPods, how about telling their priest to stop molesting little boys, instead?! Just a thought. It's only 40 days, after all.... Read the news story here.

By the way, if you give up your iPod and feel disconnected, there is an app for that.

40 Days – Lent Observance Tracker “allows mobile Christians to observe Lent on the go” by keeping track of what they’re giving up. If you do give in to temptation, this app will track that, too, and help you make up for it after Easter by charging you for a charity contribution.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Mean Mofos

This article just solidifies it that Marines are bad-asses. Look at the title of the article - even their water is dangerous!

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Friday, February 19, 2010

Disproportionate

I saw this photo of USA's Evan Lysacek after he won his gold medal and something just didn't sit right with me. And then it hit me. Aside from being a world champion, he is also one of those bendable toys from Oriental Trading! Is that even fair?!

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

WTF Google ?

Just when you thought you've seen all of the weirdest Google searches...

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Squiddlie-dee

The Jeff knows that I was in the Marine Corps and made the following statement in front of others to try and smack-me-down. FAIL!

The Jeff: I've got a doctors appointment on Thursday.

Me: Proctologist?

The Jeff: Uh, no. Hey, weren't you a proctologist in the Navy or something?

Me: No, I was in the Marine Corps. But you have to realize that everybody in the Navy is a proctologist.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Friday, February 12, 2010

Why I was scarred as a child....

So here's another panel from an old 1970's comic that probably scarred my psyche without me even knowing it. As a kid, I probably never even noticed it.... but as a deviant adult, it just jumps out there...

I guess I should have known. I mean Luke Skywalker was obviously a sexual deviant! He did want to knock boots with his sister in the first Star Wars movie, right?

See more inappropriate comic book panels here and here.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Why so deviant, Bell Pepper?

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

All Drama Obama?

MSNBC says that even the other Democrats can't figure our President out....

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Ponderables

What would squirrels evolve into if we provided them with refrigerators and they didn't have to bury food?

Wouldn't it be horrible to have a conjoined twin that was a nazi?

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Friday, February 5, 2010

The Tie Chair

You know what? I'm all for being a lazy parent and all, but sometimes things can go too far. It's one thing to force your child to do the dishes, fold the laundry and mow the lawn, I mean It's the closest thing we poor people can have to servants. But the line has to be drawn somewhere

The following was emailed to me by Coyote, and I'd like to think the line would be drawn at TIEING UP YOUR BABY SO THEY CAN'T MOVE!

But hey, what do you expect from a company that's name advocates baby theft?

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Superman Hates Effingham!

I'm just sayin'...

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Rabid Cat?

The Reverend Ed sent in this photo and message......

From a cat flea medicine container. Rabid cat? He looks like he's likin' it.......

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Letters. We get Letters...

Timmaay sent in this about the Tuesday, Feb 2nd post:

No you got it wrong...this icon only means not to use 3-in-1 oil on a cat's tongue while he's brushing his teeth.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Random Thoughts.

Sometimes I walk a thin line between funny and horribly annoying.

Crazy is the only thing that you don’t want to be certified in. If you are a certified accountant, contractor, veterinarian, lifeguard, nurse, whatever – it’s good. But the moment that you are certifiably crazy…..

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Moose and Squirrel!

Villainous? I guess so.... Last week I spent a whole lot of time in training for my new job. I learned a lot about the industry and how things work, but I also learned something about myself.

As part of the overall training, I had to undergo a personality profile that explained my own inclinations to myself. i.e. it told me what I am really like.

And what I discovered is that I am a villain. Yes, I said a villain! A dastardly, evil, manipulator who toys with the emotions of others. It’s true! Just read the following description of my personality….

"Persons with this pattern consciously attempt to modify the thoughts and actions of others.They want to control their environment. They are astute at identifying and manipulating an individual's existing motives in order to direct that person's behavior towards a predetermined end.

Others may feel "used" by this pattern's powers of manipulation."


I don’t feel like a villain, but maybe that’s something I need to work on.

Moose and squirrel…

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

It's becoming the Cousin Emmy blog!

I'm starting to think that Cousin Emmy is trying to overthrow the throne. Three submissions within a week! Uncanny, but awesome!

Cousin Emmy says: I can't help but share all my best pictures with you, because I know you share my affinity for the bizarre & awesome :)

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Monday, January 11, 2010

Letters, we get letters!

Cousin Emmy sent in another strange photo that she took on her phone. Both bizarre and creepy! Awkward business placement, or perfect synthesis? You decide.

Cousin Emmy says: "Two businesses that should not be next to each other! I wondered why their chicken lo mein was so good!"

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Random Thoughts.

What would happen if a genie granted you one wish, and you wished that your wish would come true.

Shouldn't the terms beastiality and Animal husbandry be synonymous?

I kinda' wish there was a popular college band with the name "Date Rape." Not because it's an awesome name or anything, I just think it would be funny to know that there would be millions of college student Facebook profiles saying that they are "Fans of Date Rape."

During this latest snowstorm, the snow was only about 3" deep. Unless you measure it horizontally - Then it was over 200 miles deep!

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Monday, January 8, 2010

Not Really Dirty....

Cousin Emmy sent in this photo taken from her phone along with this short narration:

Cousin Emmy Says: "This business needed to really think about their name before they put it on a sign with a big white smiley face."

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Why so sexually deviant Google?

Man! This is almost to raunchy for me to post with a clear conscious. Okay, maybe not....

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Monday, January 4, 2010 Fairie Tales I saw a really neat project online the other day. Someone had taken the time to create a mumified fairie. It was made in the fashion of a bug collector - all dried out and pinned inside a frame. Sure it’s kind of morbid, but it was such a neat idea that I'm going to try my hand at making my own version. So the gears in my head started turning. Like every project I do, there’s no budget for it, so it will be made from scraps of whatever is lying around the lab house.

I’m going for a kind of curio-looking box. Kind of like something you’d see in an old antique shop, but perhaps with a little brass thrown in there just to give it a touch of steampunk. The componants are sculpey, a cheap tin that came with a belt that we bought for Kaitlyn, some paint, maybe an LED light or two, and a dead faerie.

Finding the dead faerie will be the hard part.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Monday, January 4, 2010

If you please

If any of you read this blog through Facebook, please give it a rating if you get a chance. I’d like to have it rank higher in the Networked Blogs listing.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Still going strong

Wendy and I celebrated our 21st Anniversary today. I don’t know if I am the only person who does this, but I tend to mark my anniversaries with strange personal comparisons.

On our 16th Anniversary, I realized that I’d been living with Wendy longer than I lived with my mother.

When we had our 19th Anniversary, for example, I realized that we have been married longer than we haven’t been married.

And today – Our Anniversary is officially old enough to drink alcohol…..

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Predictions!

Well - Another year has rolled around and that means it’s time for the new 2010 predictions transcribed from the all-knowing Swami Monkey. So let’s not waste any time and get right down to the meat and potatoes.

1) The Emo music scene fades into obscurity. Revlon is forced into bankruptcy after eyeliner sales plummet to all-time lows.

2) The scientific world is flipped on its ear after it is discovered that penguins aren’t really birds, but just really ugly-assed, hairy dinosaur fish.

3) Former boxer George Foreman dies in a freak accident during the taping of an infomercial for his line of BBQ grills. Even though his burns left him horribly disfigured, his funeral smelled great.

4) The old adage “Father knows best” is officially debated in congress. After much deliberation, it is determined that Uncle Ernest actually knows best, followed by your cousin Sherryl.

5) The Council for Native Americans win a misrepresentation lawsuit that entitles them to 2 ½ cents for each nickel the U.S. has minted since 1923.

6) Aliens descend in flying saucers on the White House lawn and announce that they have not been mutilating cattle. In an embarrassing turn of events however, they did admit to anal probing farmers as a form of initiation to their college fraternity.

7) The number one, marries the number 3, thus making the number 1,325 the new loneliest number.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Friday, January 1, 2010

Ushering in the New Year.

It's a brand new year and I thought the best way to bring it on is to present this photo of aboriginal dwarves in ape costumes as they hold a puppy at base camp.

You're welcome.

Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com

Bored? Read all of the posts from 2009 by clicking here.