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Monday, April 28, 2008
The Challenge has been met!!!
Captain Alex didn't make it in to work today and it prompted this email conversation along with proof that the Captain Alex Challenge has ben met.
Me: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa?!?!?!?!?! You're not coming in today? Deb said you didn't get in until 1 in the morning, but isn't that when you usually go to sleep anyway? Hmmmmmmm........suspicious. You're not taking the day off to visit the free clinic are you???.
Captain Alex: Ahh you caught me...and it wasn't free this time hmmm..? Well I conquered my first task lets hope that the picture provided in this attachment will prove myself to the gods. (My favorite part it the signin the background that says best BBQ in Vegas, so you know its authentic.
Me: Duuuuuuuuude. I almost puked from laughing so hard!!!! You gonna' let me post this on my site? I wrote about the challenge on the blog. No pressure or anything. That's friggin hilarious!.
Captain Alex: Well of course, I mean that was the challenge and all...I thought you'd like that picture...I think his chest hair touched my face...yikes! He did look at me like " What the F%@K are you doing kid" it was freak'n hilarious.I always thought elvis ran with more than a 5 dollar bill in his left hand though what a cheap ass!
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments. Or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Thursday, April 24, 2008
The Captain Alex Challenge
Captain Alex is going to Las Vegas over the weekend and I challenged him to perform what we’ll call “The first Labor of Alex.” It’s a lot like the 12 labors of Hercules, except that there’s only one of them, they don’t have anything to do with monsters, and Alex doesn’t have to wear a loincloth.
Nevertheless, the First Labor of Alex is to photograph himself giving a Las Vegas “street personality” either a burrito, or a chicken leg. In the case that neither a burrito or chicken leg is attainable, he may also stand next to them and walk like a chicken.
Well see if Captain Alex performs his task and proves himself to the gods.
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Whats Next?
It’s been a while since I’ve posted and there has been a lot going on. Within the last week we’ve faced earthquakes, celebrated my birthday, and even began the annual drugery of mowing the lawn. This has been a rough year on the nerves too. Between the tree in the roof, crazy gas prices, a potential lawsuit, and earthquakes, this has been the strangest and most stressful year in a while. It makes a person wonder what’s next? Car breakdowns? More broken bones? Godzilla rampage? Hillary Clinton?
It makes a guy shudder.
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Old Artwork
Earlier this week I found these ancient drawings that I did back in 1991. The premise was what I imagined the Marine Corps would be like in the year 2032. Of course it's a little far fetched, but that's what I like about it. I never realized how out of proportion my artwork used to be. But I like the way that the chrome turned out. I hate drawing chrome!
Click an image to open a bigger image in a new window.
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Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Not prophetic
I found this cartoon that KG3 drew a few years back and thought it was a funny commentary on internet culture, especially from a Jr. High School student.
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Monday, April 14, 2008
The walls come tumbling down
Just when I thought things were going to get better, the walls start to crumble. Life was starting to come together again. Our roof was patched, the ceiling fixed, the carpet cleaned. I was expecting life to return to normal after the rainstorm, but then the flood called life returned with a vengeance.
Words can't accurately describe the feeling. It's somewhere between being in a state of shock and furious anger. Its a feeling like I want to punch someone in the face, but there isn't anyone who deserves it but myself! They say that people dig their own graves and then must lay in it, and today that person is me.
I got served papers today for a lawsuit involving an incident over a year ago. I know that accidents happen, and this incident was just that, an accident. I also know that in order for this system to work, people must sue others in order to gain access to insurance. But that doesn't make it feel any better. I feel like my life is coming to an end. I know that I am blowing things out of perspective, but that's how my mind works.
I assumed this day was coming, so why am I so distraught? Why do I feel aggression welling up like flood waters at a dam? What can I do to keep this dam from bursting? How do I keep New Orleans from flooding? Hold my breath? Tread water? Re enforce the dam with Quickcrete?
A snorkel. Yes, a snorkel. I shall breathe slowly and deeply through a snorkel. If it's true that “Life's a bitch”, then I have a message for her.
Flood my life now, bitch! I have a snorkel.
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Sunday, April 13, 2008
Amidst Chaos
I found a bunch of old drawings when I was cleaning my office over the weekend. This one in particular stood out in my head as being crazy to look at. Obviously I had no idea of composition back in the days when I did this, and the title, "Amidst Chaos," is absolutely fitting. This drawing was done back in 1991 while floating on a ship across the Mediterranean. Hey, I was a jarhead back then, I didn't have to think about things like composition and clarity! Click the pic for a larger version.
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Tuesday, April 8, 2008
Deconstruction
The time has finally come. Yes, the day that we've been waiting to arrive for over a month has finally arrived. We are getting our ceiling fixed! That means no more sleeping on the living room floor. No more sharing a room with our kid. No more tripping over the mattress to turn on the Playstation. More privacy, more access to our closet, and more bom-chicka-bow-bow.
The unfortunate side effects to this home repair is that our entire bedroom must be emptied before they can begin. As luck would have it, our ceiling is coated with a blown on texture that has to be completely scraped off before patching the hole. It's going to look like a snowstorm in there, so everything must come out. Last night we went through our belongings and it spurred us into a “weeding out” ceremony where we tossed out stuff that we would have kept until Jesus came home.
I narrowed my clothing down to 25 shirts, throwing away probably 40, and Wendy cleaned out clothing and sheets that I didn't even realize that we had. It was hard to do, but it felt refreshing in some sick, sad way. I know we should have donated it to charity. We've intended on doing that for years, but it never happens.
And it felt soooooo good to throw perfectly good things away for no real reason. It's probably a sin, but if that is what keeps me out of heaven, then somebody at the pearly gates hasn't been keeping score very well.
Indiscriminate tossing! (and not the kind that Captain Alex does, by the way) Maybe that will be my new addiction. Throwing things away at random. Hmmmmm, sounds interesting.
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Monday, April 7, 2008
To a deluxe apartment in the sky
Heh, heh, heh. I think moved on up. Google “Walmart candy dish” and see who's site comes before Walmart! Bwa ha ha ha ha!!!!
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Friday, April 4, 2008
Back in the day
I made an internet discovery last night that hearkens me back to a simpler time in my life. Something that brought me back to a time before bills, work, and sickness. A time when becoming a year older was a good thing. When getting stuck outside in a rainstorm was considered a blessing. When going over an obstacle was preferable to going around it. When ”playing ball” had nothing to do with conforming to other peoples expectations.
As a youngster, probably around the age of nine, I would spend hours upon hours sitting in the living room floor drawing while I listened to an assortment of records. These were the days before cable TV, and many of my “stay indoor” days were spent listening to these records. I had Spider Man, one called Holo-man, a Captain America, and one of ghost stories. I'm sure there were others, but those come immediately to mind. I learned them word for word, able to recite entire albums as well as the actor themselves.
I'm not sure what spurred me to look for one of these records, but I somehow stumbled upon a youTube video of the record and its accompanying storybook. Once I realized that these things were out there, I discovered entire websites devoted to these and other obscure little audio stories.
So I'll be downloading them soon, hoping to bring back those days of childhood. Click here to check out the website that has them for download.
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Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Too deep for all but the super-duper design geeks
If you don't happen to be a graphic designer and a super sci-fi geek, you might as well stop reading here. You wont get the following e-conversation. If you think you are both of these, yet still don't understand, don't feel too bad. You must not be the geek you thought you were. If you are one of the people who DO understand this, you might as well give it up. The world doesn't really like people like you.
Here goes! I sent a photo of a Corvette with a bright sunburst in the corner to the rest of the creative department where I work, and this is what followed:
Me: Found this shot and thought it was cropped really cool. Nothing fancy about the shot itself, but the angle really got my attention. Figured I'd share it.
Reverend Ed: Awesome shot. More and more of this 'over power the sun' thing out there. It's a really powerful technique I was playing with (and failing at) Saturday. I'll get it eventually though...........
(long winded observation follows, stop reading here if you've got better things to do.......)
The key is to set the desired exposure of the sky on the camera (ie, into the sun on this shot it's probably like f/22) which would leave the foreground object (the car in this case) greatly underexposed (probably solid black). You then adjust your strobes for the exposure you desire on the foreground object. Of course, at f/22 you're going to have to throw some serious light at it so it takes some pretty heavy equipment to do it..........
It's really worth it though as witnessed by that shot. Thanks!
Me: Jesus, dude! Why not just Photoshop it?! Sheesh........
Reverend Ed: you suck at photoshop donny
Me: Yeah, I only use $75 dollars of Photoshop.
Reverend Ed: I heard albert einstein used almost 80% of inDesign to design the brochures for the manhatten project
Me: The manhatten project? I thought it was the Philadelphia Experiment?! I heard he used 80% of inDesign, but then it mysteriously disappeared into thin air. When it reappeared five minutes later, it had risen to 93%!
See? I told you that you wouldn't get it! Unless your Skiddis. I bet Skiddis got it, didn't you?!
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Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Overheard at Lunch
I was standing beside a guy at a Subway restaurant when he was asked what kind of cheese he wanted on his sandwich.
“Shredded.” he replied. “Shredded like the dreams of a man who has raised four children.”
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Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Zombie Update
I've been spending upwards of two hours per night on my retro-zombie drawing for the past few weeks. It's starting to come together and except for one slight mistake, I'm still liking it. I'm getting excited about finishing it and adding the color to it in Photoshop. I've colored my illustrations that way a couple of time this year and I really like the way they turn out. Hopefully this one will look awesome digitally colored. Reverend Ed mentioned that I should sell digital prints of it once it's finished! Originally I didn't think it will be good enough, but after looking online at some of the zombie stuff already being sold, I've changed my mind. So unless something goes horribly wrong with it, I'm planning on selling large format digital prints once it's finished. Wanna' buy one?!
An overview. I think I may have overcrowded the drawing, but it's too late now! Let the zombie flood begin!
A zombie close-up. Hey, do I see a three nippled photographer in there?!
A hard rocking acoustic player and a belly dancer?! WTF?! Could that be zombie Jason and Kelli? Nah, surely it's just a couple of Nobodies.
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Monday, April 1, 2008
Irregular Maintenance
Teeth. Eyes. Health. It's high time I get everything checked out, and over the next two weeks I'm sure I will be poked, prodded, and probably even lectured by my doctors. It's been nearly five years since I have been to either my eye doctor or dentist and I'm quite certain that won't bode well for me.
I know how important it is to have annual checkups, but we have a hard time affording it with our current health insurance. Don't get me wrong, I'm damn glad that we have any insurance at all – it's just that my former insurance covered more than the new company. I used to be allowed to get a new pair of glasses each year and was encouraged to have my teeth cleaned by a professional hygienist twice a year. But now that those benefits are gone, I have a hard time rationalizing these services unless there is a dire emergency. Hell, I didn't even go to the hospital when I broke my arm until the next day!
But I've hit and probably passed the point of no return. My teeth hurt and my vision is blurry. Not good traits for a guy who draws all day and likes to eat. No, it's time to get fixed, and I'm not referring to a vasectomy (much to Wendy's chagrin).
Maybe by the end of next week I'll be clear-eyed, have a white smile, and feel healthy. I just hope my new doctor doesn't want to stick his finger in my butt. At least not without dinner first.
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Tuesday, April 1, 2008
The results for March are in!
I've upgraded my stat counter tracking on my website. Now I'm able to keep up with five times the visitors as I used to and it makes it much, much easier to keep track things. Since it is simpler to view my hits, I'm going to try and resume a little feature that I did a few years back and post all of the bizarre search terms that have been used to find a page on my website.
I'm going to try and post these on the first of each month, showing all of the bizarre terms from the previous month. It's going to be funny, strange and maybe a little bit scary sometimes. So here is the first installment which covers last month from the 19th until the 31st:
www.google.com: is a foot massage on the first date to fast
search.msn.com: Are cigarettes bought from Indians safe
www.google.com: Make up songs and sing them to me
search.live.com: easterplays for teenager
www.google.ro: desktop kitte
images.google.com: i_am_the_batman
search.yahoo.com: skin face soak
google.com: aerial demon what is
google.com: Jesus name car window optical illusion
www.google.com: planarian cartoon
aim.search.aol.com: Flattop Haircuts
ask.com: Sell a Testicle to Science
google.co.nz: puss in boots licking himself picture
google.com: won't clog pores
google.co.in: youporn sylvester
search.msn.com: sayings for gravestones
google.com: cheap gun props
search.live.com: aus trailing sexy
www.google.com: aftershave that won't clog pores
search.yahoo.com: skin face soak
search.yahoo.com: hootspa
www.google.com: glowing al
search.msn.com: the hind lick manuever
search.yahoo.com: how to make wood signs
www.google.com: cause of anal discharge
www.google.com: cheap working prop guns
search.yahoo.com: what are matches box made of- flame
www.google.com: diary of a fool film
images.google.es: brats-bear
www.google.co.uk: texturing your own head
search.yahoo.com: instructions on how to make a bookshelf
search.live.com: pictures of girls in dirty jeans
search.msn.com: hairless sasquatc
www.google.com: zombie coat of arms
search.yahoo.com: how to make color brown paint
search.msn.com: Helicopter pictures or people Swimming with sharks
www.google.com: Cars Bopossum
www.google.com: zmax burning oil
www.google.com.au: karmatism
www.google.co: wyona ryder
www.google.com: kitten meowing mp3
www.google.com: walmart box fan
www.google.co.uk: cricket player latex masks
search.live.com: DOG MASKS
www.google.com: fan blowing flames
search.msn.com: downtown mesa
search.yahoo.com: doesn't play well with others
search.yahoo.com: 1 eye alien doll
www.google.com: have you ever m@sturb@ted in public
search.live.com: tramp stamp tattoo photos
ww.google.com: s@x with cucumbers
search.yahoo.com: halloween claw building instructions
search.yahoo.com: body sraypaint
www.google.com.bd: pictures of lonely mothers
www.google.se: how to paint death skulls
www.google.ch: papermodel dragon
www.google.com: clog pores crotch
search.msn.com: girls peeing in jeans
search.msn.com: lower tat
www.google.com: styrofoam shoes
search.yahoo.com: ford town usa
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