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Sunday, July 29, 2007
Four new tutorials!
Maybe I just have a filthy mind, but sometimes I see ads
I've been working on some updates for my Halloween pages over the past few weeks. I have just posted four new tutorials for you do-it-yourselfers, if you want to check them out.
The Candy Dish of Death is a creepy way to hand out candy to the little-ones on Trick or Treat night. Fill this one up and watch them squirm as you reach in.
The Ghosts are easy to build and cheap to make. They have a strange blue glow under black light, but are still spooky in regular light. Anybody who decorates for Halloween should build some of these.
Spectres are the just one step beyond the ghosts. They are essentially ghosts with faces! They also glow and can really make a room look spooky.
VLAD is a tutorial for making a giant bat from scratch. This one is complicated and can be expensive. Don't even attempt this one unless you want to spend dozens of hours in the construction of it.
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Saturday, July 28, 2007
Two (C)overtly sexual designs?
Maybe I just have a filthy mind, but sometimes I see ads or designs that appear to be sexualized. I'm not sure if it's just a symptom of my "dirty-mindedness," or if its something that was designed intentionally But I do notice them a lot. Am I just a freak? I don't think so. Here are two that I spotted earlier this week. Let me know if you see the same thing....
Example 1: Printer Ad
This first one looks blatantly homoerotic to me! If this model is a straight guy, I imagine that he'd be pissed as all hell. That's an awful way to crop that photo - unless of course it was done on purpose, then it'd be brilliant.
Example 2: Media Design website
Ummmmm, I'm not sure what to call this digital imaging website’s opening page. It's the opposite of phallic! Is antiphallic a word? How about labionic? But no matter the term, it looks like what Oprah would call a big, red vajayjay!!!
Note: If you run into an ad like this, email it to me and I'll post it on the site. I'm thinking about building an entire page to these kinds of weird designs!
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Friday, July 27, 2007
An awesome cartoon
I hate to post other people's stuff, but I LOVE this cartoon. This is possibly the funniest cartoon that I've ever read!!!! I think just about anybody who works in the graphic design field will understand exactly what I mean!
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Thursday, July 26, 2007
A bad Abbrv???
As a graphic designer, I know the importance of consistency. But sometimes consistency can lead to some odd sounding phrases. Take this set of instructions, for example. I think a change in the way the word “Assembly” is abbreviated may be warranted, don't you?
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I got this spam in my inbox today. Do you really think these testimonials were written by people from Boston? Stupid, stupid Boston!
The SPAM was as follows:
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At last, the genuine thing ? no more swindle!
P.E.P. <http://www.dimpiolt.com/?owgctmxaulc> are very hot at this time! This is the genuine thing not a forgery!
One of the very originals, totally unequalled produce is on the market everywhere!
Draw attention to what people tell on this stuff:
"I pleased how swiftly this product had an affect on my boyfriend, he can no way stop talking on how excited he is having such new girth, length, and libido!"
Rita R., Boston
"Firstly I considered the gratuitous sample I was given was a kind of a mean trick, till I tried P.E.P. I can?t describe depict how pleased I am with the outcomes I achieved from using this patch after 6 brief weeks. I will be asking for P.E.P. continually!"
Steve Burbon, Boston
Read more testimonials on this marvellouls product right here! <http://www.dimpiolt.com/?owgctmxaulc>
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Monday, July 23, 2007
Singing the Blues!
Yesterday was like Christmas for me! I felt like a little kid running to the presents under the tree when I finally got three packages of something I have wanted for a long, long time. To any of you who don’t go fishing, this will probably sound like the most rediculous thing to get excited about, but for the fishermen who read this, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
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When I was in Jr. High, my Dad introduced me to a small, electric blue, curled tailed grub. It was the best artificial bait ever, hands down. I don’t know if it was the strange color, or the funny shape of the curled tail that made it so successful. All that I know is that the damned little things worked. And worked extremely well. When you couldn’t get a bite off of any other lure, the little blue curly tails worked like magic. So why didn’t the whole world know about these magical little suckers? Because they were only made by a single man in Clay County Illinois. These grubs became somewhat famous in Southern Illinois and were named “Clay County Blues.”
So I continued to use these grubs by the hundreds, well into my late twenties. Then the man who made them died, and they were lost to the world. For years I continued to whittle down my supply until I ran out a few years ago. It sucked not having my favorite lure available anymore, and I tried to keep using my last one after it was all beaten and torn.
But yesterday I found that a local bait shop had purchased the mold and began making them again! So Wendy bought me 150 of these small, magical baits. Enough to last me several more years. It was one of the best gifts ever! I know it sounds stupid, but those little grubs will give me hour and hours of excitement for years to come. Thanks Babe!
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule.
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Thursday, July 19, 2007
Just Wrong!
You know how email programs will automatically hyphenate long subject lines? Well sometimes these create some really bizarre and disturbing phrases. Like the one I got today. The actual subject line is: "Fight breast Cancer and Judge the Hottest In-Store Solutions.” A pretty relevant subject line from the e-newsletter from the “In-Store Marketing Expo” in Chicago, but my email shortened it to something a bit more disturbing.....
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule.
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Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Think about it!
Associated Press | July 13, 2007
DECATUR, Ga. - A former Marine, already irritated about the disappearance of $100 from his bank account, tackled a suspected robber who came into the bank wielding a fire extinguisher and demanding cash.
Timothy Armstead was waiting at the Washington Mutual Bank branch on Tuesday to discuss the missing money when the man came in and told bank employees he had a bomb. The man gave them five minutes to get $2,000 in $50 bills, DeKalb County police said.
As the employees went to the vault to comply, the unidentified man began loudly counting down the minutes, which attracted Armstead's attention, police spokesman Michael Payne said.
When the man then tried to walk out with the money, Armstead, 27, knocked him to the ground. He held the man down - lecturing him on his poor decision - until authorities arrived.
"I just told him it was a very stupid decision and now you get to spend 20 years of your life just for taking some money," Armstead told WSB-TV.
The man was taken to the DeKalb County Jail on suspicion of armed robbery. Jail officials declined to comment on his case Friday. A call to the DeKalb County Sheriff's office was not immediately returned.
My Commentary --
First off, you have to be insane to try and rob a bank with a fire extinguisher. Lets do a visual comparison, shall we? The man on the left is a easily indentifiable as a suicide bomber, while the gentleman on the right is holding a fire extinguisher. Do any of you really see a similarity in the photos? Nah, me neither.
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Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule.
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Tuesday, July 17, 2007
Fish Tales 2!
I guess Lucky wasn't so lucky after all. We'll all miss him terribly. We only knew him for about 24 hours, but in that short time, the little golden fish became like a brother to me. Lets all have a moment of silence for him. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Okay, enough tears. Lets get on with our lives.
Lucky would have wanted it that way.
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Monday, July 16, 2007
Cracker Barrel
You ever say a word so many times that in seems to lose it's meaning? This happened to mean a while back. I don't know if you guys have the Cracker Barrel restaurants in your area, but they're all over the place here in Southern Illinois. Captain Alex and I were driving past one and one of these weird word-disassociation moments with the restaurants name:
Cracker-Barrel
Cracker-Bare-ole
Cack-er-bare-el
Crack-a-bear-hole
Crack-her-barrel
Crack-her-bear-hole
Crack-her-bare-hole
Hmmmmmm...........
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Sunday, July 15, 2007
Fish Tales
I'm not quite the fisherman that I used to be. To be truthful, its been so long since I've been fishing that I am horribly out of practice. Those of you that fish very often know how you have to be on your toes when you fish with artificial bait. You have to react the instant that you feel the twitch of the fish touching the lure in order to set the hook and reel it in. But out of practice or not, I made an amazing catch in our local lake yesterday evening. My friend Jamie and I were fishing along the spillway of the dam when I saw something twitching in the moss. I hate snakes, and my first instinct was to back away from it since it may have been a water snake creeping to shore. But I watched for a bit longer and noticed that whatever was swimming through the moss was red. Immediately I thought it may have been a salamander! I'd never caught a salamander before, but what else could it be? We don't have any bright red snakes around these parts of Illinois, so it HAD to be a salamander or lizard, right? Wrong! Using the tip of my fishing rod, I slowly scooted a path out of the moss and watched as it slowly came to shore.
It was a goldfish! Yes, a goldfish, and a big, fat, fancy one at that. Now I'm not sure how it got into the lake, or how it managed to keep from being eaten by other fish, but the little sucker was determined to swim through the mossy muck of the dam. So I scooped the little feller up and carried him to the truck, making sure to show my prize catch to everybody else who was fishing on the way there. I dropped the goldfish into my jug of drinking water, which will be it's new home from now on.
Amazing but true! I know its not a twenty pound bass, or a giant man-eating catfish, but I doubt many other people in the world can claim that they caught a goldfish from a lake.
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Saturday, July 14, 2007
Hitched!
My cousin Jessie got married today! It makes me feel so old since I remember her and her sister Julie as they were when we first moved back from North Carolina. That was 14 years ago and they were both little kids who lived down the street. And now they've grown up and are both getting married this summer. Man I'm old!
The first 3 shots are of Jessie and her husband Billie.
The last photo with all of the handsome fellers is all of my brothers and me outside of the church. Oh, to be young and thin again..... but I never was tall, so I guess I'm just screwed.
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Friday, July 13, 2007
The Kids Closet!
If we could only harness the power of all of the absorbed light from the clothes in my daughter’s closet! I imagine that there is enough potential energy to light a small city for weeks. If we could somehow combine the stored energy of ever emo kid and concentrate the force into some sort of power cell, maybe we could reduce our dependence on fossil fuel. Just think.... Cars powered by the harnessed energy of My Chemical Romance and AFI! They could shorten the name from “automotive” to “emotive.”
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Thursday, July 12, 2007
Abridged office conversation between Captain Alex and I.
Me: “Do you have any friends who are vegans? One of the girls staying the night tonight is a vegan and we don't know what to make for supper.”
Captain Alex: “I'm not sure. I have a friend who's a vegetarian, almost one anyway.”
Me: “When I Google it, it says that they don't eat meat or anything derived from animals.”
Captain Alex: “Can they drink milk?”
Me: “It says soy milk.”
Captain Alex: “Then they can't even have things made from animals?!”
Me: “Nope.”
Captain Alex: “What about water? Could you give them water?”
Me: “I could give them a glass of water and be like; That came from an animal! That's actually a glass of sweat I wringed from my socks after I mowed the lawn last weekend. And that twang you taste is probably from the dog pen.”
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Friday, July 6, 2007
Letters, we get letters........
This comes in from Jason, one half of the Nobodies Podcast (take note: This site may STILL not be work-safe):
Subject: Regarding the Drive-In show
Awesome dude. We are going to have to go over this on the upcoming show monday. We missed the window of opportunity for a show this week, due to unavoidable parties. But if it's cool with you, I'd love to read some of this on Monday's centennial episode.
Jason
My Reply: Sounds Cool! Everybody should listen to Nobodies next week!
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Friday, July 6, 2007
Tonight we're gonna' party like its 1775!
A friend of mine went to an Amish party over the weekend and was telling me that he met a lady who was the curator for an Amish Museum. That got me thinking....- What would be in there? It doesn't seem very interesting since all of their old tools could still be used today. Really, wouldn't an Amish Museum and an Amish General Store be pretty much the same thing?
Curator: "And to the left you'll see the scythe that was used to harvest the farm's first season...... Oh wait, apparently Mr. Yoder borrowed it yesterday to weed his garden. Sorry folks."
Well, as much as that culture confuses me, I have to give them credit. Living like they do takes lots of heart and strength. So props to my Amish readers out there!
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