Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Nasty Cats

I don't think I ever mentioned it before, but we are owners of a new kitten. We've had him for about a month now, but it's taken me that long to realize that "cat people" (as in people who own cats, not cat people like Natasha Kinski) are nasty.

There, I said it! Cat people are disgusting. Period.

Why? Because cat people are cuddling and petting these nasty little animals who do nothing more than piss on the floor and rub up against things all day. Not to mention the fact that they sh*t in a box!

Nasty! Why is it okay for an animal to do that? It shouldn't be.

If I pissed or sh*t in my living room floor just one time, I'd either be divorced or corralled up for the looney bin. Yet somehow a cat can get away with it.

I mean, really - The next time you go to the mall, start rubbing up against everything and see what happens!

And cats sleep wherever they want. We can fall asleep with the cat in a different room, yet somehow it climbs onto the bed like a ninja and lays by our faces. Yes, by our faces! And if it cuddles its cutle, widdle-bitty kitten head against one of our faces, gust what's up against the other person's face?!

I can damn well guarantee that if Wendy woke up and found my @sshole pressed up against her face, you'd never hear from me again.

I'll say it one last time..... Cat people are nasty.

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Monday, September 29, 2008

An Offical Interview

It's been a long time since I've done an interview on this website. I think the last one I did was with Super-fan John Schaljo way back in 2004.

So in order for you to get to know the cast of characters in my life, I give you this special interview with Captain Alex - Man of Action!

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Monday, September 29, 2008

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Friday, September 26, 2008

Tomorrow Pinky, We Take Over The World

I took today off from work for a well deserved day of rest. It'd been a while since I had time to just sit back and "not think" about things, so it was a good idea to take some time to relax. So what did I do in the morning? Why, I painted my hair white, put on some make-up and became a mad scientist of course.

Introducing the Mad Doctor Haus (my website is Madhaus Creative. Get it? Get it?!) The Mad Doctor is the guy who's going to visit my house during trick-or-treat night and hand out candy to the little kids. I thought the costume looked alright, especially since I've never tried to put make-up on before......well...there was that time in college. Just kidding.

But aside from the costume itself, I liked the death ray. But Wendy pointed out that it looks too small to be a real Death Ray. After really looking at them, I agreed with her. Even though it looks cool as hell, it looks more like a Severe Contusion Ray - or maybe a Minor Abrasion Ray.

So This weekend I'm going to begin construction of my Death Ray 2.0. Rest assured that I will be taking over the world very soon.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Autobot Intimidation

I can't believe I never noticed this before when I was a little kid! If there was ever any doubt why the other Transformers were intimidated by Megatron, the photo below cleared it up. As far as I know, he's the only Transformer who's graced with a mega-schlong! When they said that Megatron was a giant gun, they weren't kidding were they???

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Welcome to the Lab

Great news!! Wendy agreed to let me convert our library into a mad scientist laboratory for Halloween. It didn't take as much convincing as I thought it would, so I'm pretty ecstatic about the whole thing.

Why, you ask? Well, because I won't have to rush around and set everything up in a single day, and then deal with the pressure of tearing it all down again that same night. Since the whole thing will be indoors, I'll be able to begin setting it up immediately and won't have to take it down until the middle of November. It'll be able to be in place for a month or so, just like the Christmas tree is.

But with a new type of indoor display comes a bevy of new projects. I've sketched out a rough idea of prop placements for the room below, but I'll still have to custom build most of the elements by hand.

The ideas include:

A giant floating "holographic" ghost head that people can see through, by using the "pepper's ghost" effect. (Don't know what that is? Think of the ghosts in Disney's Haunted Mansion, but on a smaller scale)

Gargoyles who's heads turn as the viewers walk past.

A full sized Frankenstein's Monster on a wooden slab.
And finally - A big "Matter transporter" box which will be empty until candy is teleported into it.

Challenging you say? I don't know - but it will definitely be time consuming! It's worth it if kids will remember it for the rest of their lives though. Now.....if I can only figure out how to teleport candy!

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

A realization

KG3 must have had an epiphany today and brought it up to me after dinner.

KG3: "I just realized something in school today. Have you ever noticed that everyone's nose looks like a mushroom when they tip their head back?!"

It's true. Try it.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

The embarrassing Dad.

This happened a few weeks ago, but I’m finally getting around to posting it.

While going to the high-school’s open house with KG3, we were looking at the framed photos of past graduating classes. KG3’s accounting teacher was (unbeknownst to me) standing at the doorway beside us.

Me: “Hey, it’s the class of 1968! There’s Grandpa Tom’s photo.”

KG3: “Yep, and Grammy’s is over here!” as she pointed to my mom’s photo. “And look at this guy, his name is Thomas Morrow! Tom Morrow. Get it?! We laugh at that every day.”

Me: “Yeah, but look at this one! Richard Cannon! Hmmmm..... Dick Cannon. Sounds like a pornstar name to me.”

KG3: “Dad! Shut up! My teacher is right over there.”

Me: “Dick Cannon! Pornstar extraordinare!”

KG3: “Dad!”

Wendy: “Cut it out, Derek.”

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Stating the obvious.

KG3 and her friend Jenny From the Block were downstairs when JFB spotted my newly painted Death-Ray suspended from fishing wire.

Jenny From The Block: "What the heck is that?"

KG3: "It's Dad's Death-Ray."

Jenny From The Block: "Your dad built a Death-Ray?! What does it shoot?"

KG3: "Death."

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Sunday, September 14, 2008

BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

It's true. I, Derek Greenwood, mad scientist extraordinaire, reaper of mayhem, master of chaos, grand poo-ba of evil plans, have begun to build my very own Death-Ray. Okay, so maybe it's really just a tricked out Super-Soaker that I'm using for my halloween costume this year, but it's a Death-Ray none-the-less. Here are a couple of shots. It's still a work in progress, but it's coming out nicely so far.

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Monday, September 8, 2008

Issues

The Marine Corps is issuing out a new, lighter weight body armor that provides better mobility, is more comfortable, and is lighter than the standard kevlar body armor. The downside? It won't stop bullets as well. Hmmmmm....now there's a trade off. I bet it has nothing to do with production costs either. Call me a cynic, I guess.

I can hear it now. The new body armor is being dolled out from the Supply Officer to the Marines.

Supply Officer: Here you go, men! This is your new body armor, fresh in from Washington!

Marine: But it looks like an olive drab t-shirt!

Supply Officer: Uh, yeah..... but it's more comfortable and doesn't restrict your movement.

Marine: But it looks like an olive drab t-shirt!

Supply Officer: It's called cotton son. It's not quite effective as kevlar, but it'll let your skin breathe.

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Thursday, September 4, 2008 KABLAM!!! I'm really stressed right now. So stressed that if I were getting a tattoo, it'd be that big, black, abstact symbol they put on aerosol cans. Warning: Contents Under Pressure - May Explode.

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Wenesday, September 3, 2008

Letters. We Get Letters....

Timmaaaaaa sent in this email. Yeah, that's me with a cat's head in my mouth. Don't you friggin' judge me!!!

Timmaaaaa Says: "Here's my new desktop...but it probably won't last long. I'm already having bad dreams and I'm not even asleep yet."

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Tuesday, September 2, 2008

It's that time again....

September is here and you know what that means..... Halloween is nearly here. I'm a bit disappointed in myself again this year because I haven't had the gumption to design any major new projects this year.

I started out strong; I was working on a dvd invitation and a method to bring some"life" back into KG3's annual halloween party, but between work and freelance jobs, all of my enthusiasm and creativity have been pretty much sucked dry.

But on the bright side, we got to go shopping in a Halloween store over the weekend and I picked up an actual costume for myself this year. And surprisingly, it isn't anything gross!

This year I'm going to become a mad scientist. Heck, maybe I'll even switch our yard display to reflect a laboratory theme instead of the usual graveyard setting we put out.

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Monday, September 1, 2008

Of Storms and Winds.

I know that tropical storms and hurricanes are named alphabetically, but I wonder who decides on the names? Who ever it is should really start paying attention to what they are calling these things. I bet a lot of people don’t even worry about storms if their names don’t sound threatening enough. I bet a lot of people wouldn’t leave their homes because Hurricane Poindexter was coming. They should give them mean names! Names that evoke fear!

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think they should all be named Hurricane Hitler or anything, but something a little bit more threatening. Take Hurricane Hannah that’s going on right now. Hannah seems so sweet and innocent. It evokes thoughts of daisies, cupcakes and other nice things (like mermaids). So the name is sweet, but I bet it sucks to be caught in the hurricane itself.

There’s also a Tropical Storm Gustov going on right now. Gustov is a good example of an appropriate name. Gustov sounds like a storm that’ll knock on your door and put a boot up yer’ ass!!!

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