Monday, September 7, 2009
Facebooked.
When I first got my account on The Facebook, I spent a lot of time filling out the questionaires that are circulated around. You know the type, they're the "let find out about you through a series of meaningless questions. But what happens when noral questionaires encounted the twisted mind of a Greenwood? Read on to find out...
1. Worst feeling in the world?
I think I'd have to go with pain on that one.
2. How many rings before you answer the phone?
I dunno, however many it takes for the answering machine picks up.
3. Future child's name?
Depends on how far in the future. If it's 3510ad, lets go with Merimlblscridon.
4. Favourite colour?
The only "colour" that I know of is grey.
5. Sleep with a stuffed animal?
Uh, no thanks. But I bet there's a website out there for people who do, if that's your thing.
6. Who is the person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to?
Geez, I should say Jesus, Nicoli Tesla, or Abraham Lincoln, but I'm gonna go with Jim Henson -the Muppet Show guy.
7. Favorite alcoholic drink?
Salty dog! Half vodka, half grapefruit, and a rim of salty goodness.
8. Glass half empty or half full?
Okay, this conundrum has angered me for years. There is a difference! If the glass was full and you pour half of it out, then it is now half empty. If the glass was empty and you fill it half way, then the glass is now half full! Why can't you people seem to grasp this?! Sheesh!
9. Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?
Yes I do. If I didn't, my answers would look like this: twd o fr, og o fof;my. Nu smdertd epikf kppl kol yjod.
10. What's under your bed?
Creepy little monsters that smell like frito corn chips. (get it Chuck, get it?!)
11. If you could build a house anywhere where would it be?
Definitely not inside another person. Nor underwater. I'd have to say somewhere on the ground would be best.
12 Technology or art?
Ooooooooh a tough one. I love art, but I'd have to say technology. If there weren't technology, we'd be living in caves. And cave art isn't really that exciting to me.
13. Favourite physical feature of the opposite sex?
I'd have to go with the face. A gal could have a smokin' hot body, but if her face had been eaten off by a chimpanzee, she wouldn't be the least attractive to me.
14. What's your favourite place to be massaged?
At home.
15. What's most important, strong in mind or strong in body?
The mind. Think about it: what's the last thing a strong person built to better mankind?
16. If you were stuck on a desert island, what one person would you choose to be with?
I'd want to be all alone. Why in the heck would I want to force someone else to be stuck on a deserted island? I'm not that mean.
17. Is there anything expired in your refrigerator?
Expired as in dead? I certainly hope not!
18. What were you doing the last time someone video taped you?
It was either during the massive Croatian Valkyrie Mud Wrestling Tournament in 1996, or at my Grandparents 60th Anniversary party earlier this year. I'd say the latter.
19. Do you usually get a "to go" box at restaurants?
Nah, if we need one, I usually make the waitress go and get it for me.
20. Do you or did you ever hang posters on your bedroom walls?
Did I or did I? What the hell kind of question is that? I guess so.
21. If so, who or what was on them?
Motley Crue or some other over rated hairband that was around them. No Queensryche though --- a guy had to draw the line somewhere.
22. Describe your shower curtain:
Both of our showers have sliding glass doors. Yeah - we're like city folk now.
23. Do you always try to play matchmaker with your single friends?
Sometimes I'd like to. Not that I'd expect it to work out or anything. Sometimes I think my friend, "Ugly Billy" just deserves to get some action too! Right? And he sure as heck can't get a girl on his own! Especially with a name like "Ugly Billy."
24. Do you prefer dangling earings, hoops or studs?
Am I the only one that sees the joke in this question involving dangling studs?
25. Have you ever used a Polaroid camera?
What do you mean by "used"?
26. What is your favorite stuffed animal?
I used to have a stuffed tiger cub when I was a kid, and I slept with it so long that all of the fur came off of the material. I think my mom still has it. (the animal, not the fur.)
27. On clothes do you prefer polka dots or stripes?
Are you kidding me?! The last time I saw a guy in polka dots, he was holding ping pong balls and helping kids play "The Grand Prize Game!"
28. Have you ever driven a moving truck?
Uh, is it really possible to say that you've driven a stationary truck?
29. Do you read the gossip magazines in the check out line?
Of course! One has to stay up with the babies that Angelina and Brad adopt. Did you realize that they are the 14th largest nation in the world now?
30. What shape of diamond looks best on your ring finger?
I was going to say Niel Diamond, but the more I think about it, the sicker it becomes.
31. Can you name all 7 Dwarfs?
Is this some kind of entrapment trick.? I don't discriminate on little people.
32. Last thing you bought in a vending machine?
A lottery ticket as a Christmas gift. - yeah, that's how I roll.
33. Does your mom still keep your baby teeth for memories?
That's silly on her part if so. Everyone knows that memories are stored in our brains, not our teeth.
34. If eating live cockroaches made you loose weight instantly, would you eat them?
I dunno, do people really want loose weight? If they'd make you LOSE weight, I would if they tasted like chocolate!
35. Do bikers in big groups wearing all leather scare you?
Only if they showed up in my bedroom.
36. If no one is home, do you close the bathroom door to pee?
I do now that we have a cat! I don't want any of those "dangling studs" that were brought up earlier in this questionaire.
37. What flavor Kool Aid was your favorite?
I always thought Kool Aid was for poor kids. we always had Coke or Country Time Lemonade
38. Can you do push ups?
Absolutely, but I do more "Sit Downs", than "Push Ups."
39. Do you have A. D. D.?
What was that? I'm sorry, I got distracted and started counting the floor tiles.
40. Do you wear glasses/contacts?
Not at the same time
41. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
Julia Roberts looked hot in that polka dotted dress. Grass grows through dirt. Jesse Helms finally died.
42. Current hate right now?
Nazis, and flavored coffee
43. How did you bring in the new year?
I invited it in for a drink, drugged it, drew a moustache on it's face with a sharpie, an then dropped it off at the Free Clinic.
44. Favorite boy's name?
I don't have a favorite boy.
45. Last thing that made you laugh?
Telling my friend Ed that I was going to wear a Tshirt that says "Born to Buff" at an interview for janitor position.
46. Do you use sarcasm?
Oh, hell no. Never.
47. Do you still have your tonsils? Last time I checked.
Wait hold on...........................Gag..................Hack........... Yes, yes I do.
48. Would you bungee jump?
Depends. If it was a five story bungee-cord and I was on a four story building, then no.
49. What is your favorite cereal?
It’s a toss up between honey bunches of oats, and frankenberry. I guess they’d have to fight to see which one came out on top.
50. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
No, I’m very efficient, even when I am getting dressed.
51. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Probably any kind of physical deformity is the first thing I would notice. Like “Hey, that guy doesn’t have a nose!” Aside from any disfigurements, I’d have to say a person’s eyes.
52. Red or pink?
That’s it? No other info? I guess red, unless the question is prefaced with something like: “You are burning alive, but the fire is extinguished. What color do you want your skin to be?” then I’d go with pink.
53. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
How would I know? If I was a crayon, I wouldn’t have free thought - so it would be impossible to know. That question is just plain ol’ stupid.
54. Scary movies or happy endings?
Unless you're talking about messages, then scary movies are the way to go.
55.. Summer or winter?
Summer. Winter is for idiots and penguins.
56. What is on your mouse pad?
Mousepad? Lol! That’s so 20th century!!!
57. Where were you born?
Right out of my mothers punanni and into the doctor’s hands.
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