Friday, October 31, 2008

Halloween Pics.

Here are just a couple of pics of our yard display for this Halloween. We didn't get an actual count on trick-or-treaters, but I'd guess the number hovered around a hundred or so. the kids really seemed to like the "hallway" of creepy tables that we set up this year, plus it helped with the traffic flow of kids.

Best question of the night? A little boy dressed as darth vader asked KG3 "Why do you bury people in your yard?!"

Here's a shot of the east side of the yard, our annual cemetery display, as seen by the trick-or-treaters.

And here's a shot of the west side of our yard.

Here are the girls doing a "Charlies Angels" pose at the candy dish.

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Thursday, October 30, 2008

The reason why our Jack-o-lantern looks like it's going to puke.

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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Park Ninjas.

KG3 and I went to the park today and spotted a legendary Park Ninja! Most people aren't even aware of their existence, and speak of them in hushed tones. They are things of legend, much like swimming pool pixies, and horse stable centaurs. But unlike the pool pixies, Park Ninjas are very much real, and actually come frighteningly close to park patrons.

Here are some little known facts about these elusive defenders of public property.

Park Ninjas are skilled in the art of concealment. You never know when one may be watching you!	Park Ninjas are can hide anywhere, so be on your guard!
Park Ninjas wait until just the right moment......	Then they STRIKE!!!
They often use the surrounding environment to aid in their concealment!
Can you see the real Park Ninja in this photo? I doubt it. It takes a trained eye to spot the real Park Ninja!
Experienced Park Ninjas are so clever that they can disguise themselves as inanimate objects, such as small houses.....with legs.	If confronted by a Park Ninja, do not attempt to fight them! Their strength is sufficient to level a tree with a single punch.
But the most deadly of the Park Ninjas abilities is the legendary "Red Arrow of Vengeance!" Trust me, you don't even want me to talk about this one. It'll make your hair scream in fright!

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Monday, October 27, 2008

Some facts that shouldn't influence your vote.

I'm still battling with who to vote for this election. I'm usually a hard-nosed republican, but these last four years have really shook me up, and now with my recent job loss, I'm finding it very hard to put my faith in the Republican party. Regardless, here are some facts and speculations that shouldn't really affect the way that you vote.

1) It’d be easier to write a song about John McCain because tons of things rhyme with McCain! A Plane, name, grain, brian, drain, pain, drain, train, stain, Andy Dufrain.

Now rhyme things with Obama..... Yeah, all I got is Osama, and llama, and neither one of them work very well for a song. Not a long one anyway.

2) McCain heard the call of Duty and went to Vietnam. Obama bought Call of Duty for his nephew in 2006.

3) Obama’s Vice Presidential candidate has a fiery temper. McCain’s Vice President is hot.

4) Obama is popular with people in their 20’s& 30’s and People over 65. McCain is popular with people who are 40-64 and anyone who doesn’t like black people.

5) In a year, we might just find out that Obama is connected to the mob. In a year, we might just find McCain connected to a life support machine.

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Friday, October 24, 2008

Dumped

I got let go from work yesterday because of the crappy economy. I hate the economy! I wish the economy would die! Die economy, die! F@#*ing..... stupid economy!

Seriously though, I'm not sure how we're going to make ends meet. We pretty much live paycheck-to-paycheck and there's not much call for graphic designers where I live. Hopefully I'll be able to figure out how to make our house payment, but things aren't looking good.

Priorities change. Usually this time of year we worry about how we are going to afford to buy christmas gifts for every one. Now it's changed to worrying about where we are going to live.

Bummer.

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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

More Office Talk

The following banter occurred at work. Captain Alex has come down with a nasty cold, leaving him tired, sore, and maybe just a bit irritable. He was really feeling miserable, and that’s akin to chum in the water for us.

Captain Alex: “You and M@ will sorry. Just wait, you’re gonna get it.”

Me: “Oh my God M@?! Did you hear what Captain Alex just said?!”

Mr. M@: “No I must have missed it.”

Me: “He said - ‘just wait, I’m really gonna’ GIVE IT to M@!!!’”

Captain Alex: “That’s not what I said!”

Me: “Yes it its. I heard you!”

Captain Alex: “But that’s not how I said it!”

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Monday, October 20, 2008

Office Talk

Reverend Ed: I’ve had and read Podcasting for Dummies a zillion time and just realized it was written by dawn and drew.

Me: Oh yeah? Cool. I guess I never realized that either. I know that they were one of the “pioneers” of it, but I didn’t know they wrote a book.

Reverend Ed: Oops...I guess they just did the forward......still cool! Hey! I have a copy of Podcasting for Dummies if you want to read it.

Me: Thanks..... But are you calling me a dummy?

Reverend Ed: well, yea.....you gotta be a dummy not to figure that out....

Me: Damn! Thought I had everyone fooled. Guess I can just be myself now and stop this whole “intelligence” façade. 1st. Step....Off with the pants!

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Friday, October 17, 2008

Tech Support

If you’ve called any kind of customer support line within the past 5 years, you’ve undoubtedly encountered the outcome of job-sourcing personnel to India. The practice is rampant throughout every industry. I even lost a graphic design job because of India outsourcing a few years back. You can’t really blame the companies who use outsourcing though - their only trying to save money. I’m sure it’s nothing personal against us American workers.

I know a lot of people complain about companies being greedy, but much of the time these complainers are the same people who’ll do all of their shopping at Wal-Mart and forgo the smaller businesses, just so they can save money. See the irony in that? So if you are a Wal-Mart shopper, you have no room to complain, and I put myself on that list.

But if you HAVE talked to one of these tech support people, you know the frustration of trying to communicate with a person who speaks minimal English. But what if the shoe was on the other foot? What if we called a tech support line and confused them? What if we called and REALLY spoke like an American? Well, it might go something like this:

Indian: Dell Tech support, this is Andrew. How may I help you?

American: ‘Sup Andrew! I need some help.

Indian: What seems to be your problem sir?

American: My box won’t fire up right. As soon as I juice it up, it freezes.

Indian: I’m sorry sir, are you saying that your box freezes? Is that correct?

American: Yeah, my machine.

Indian: Do you mean your Dell computer?

American: Yes, my computer.

Indian: Yes sir, then how may I assist you today?

American: It freezes.

Indian: Your computer?

American: Yes. It freezes all of the time. I had a surge the other night, but I have it on a power strip. Do you think it got zapped?

Indian: I’m sorry sir?

American: Do you think it got hit? It only lasted a second or two. It probably fried it like a fish, didn’t it?

Indian: Sir, I’m not sure if I understand....

American: Well spank my @ss and call me Sally! What good are you then? - Click.

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Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Bad Apples

For the past 5 years, I've been writing free Halloween tutorials for my website. When I say "free", I mean that anyone can look at them and use them as guides to make their own decorations. One of my decorations in particular seemed to be popular among halloween enthusiasts; the head-in-a jar illusion.

Alas, after 5 years of being nice, I am forced to remove them from the internet because of someone else's greed. Early this morning I discovered that someone has copied my pages (as well as a few hundred projects from other people) to a dvd and is selling them on ebay for $20.

I contacted ebay about it to have the dvd removed, but the damage is done. It's not that I don't want to share information, but I'll be damned if someone else is going to make money on my work. I'm also planning on contacting some of the other people who's projects have been unknowingly been sold, just to let them know what's going on.

So the old adage is true. One bad apple does spoil the crop. And this bad apple spoiled the fun for everyone. So for at least the time being, the projects will be removed until I figure out what my next step is.

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Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Changes in language

It’s funny how the English language changes over time. Our slang is constantly shifting and morphing into other things - not only with the invention of new words (like bootylicious), but the evolution of existing word definitions.

Take the word “sick” for example. If you feel sick it’s a bad thing. If a car is sick, it’s a good thing. Aside from these “double meaning words”, we also have words that have changed.

At one time, a guy who was queer was just a man who was strange. Now a guy who is queer doesn’t even like strange. Once upon a time, a person could “smoke a fag” and jst be enjoying a cigarette. If some one were to “smoke a fag” today, they’d be put in prison for a murderous hate-crime!

As an example, I scanned in some photos from an old 1954 yearbook that KG3 bought at a resale shop. See if you can spot the instances where our language has changed to make some seriously inappropriate yearbook quotes.

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Thursday, October 9, 2008

Gummi What?

Wendy sent in this photo of some rather disturbing light-house gummi candies, along with this message:

I don't think they really thought this one through......

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Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Gone Green

It seems like the whole world has gone crazy over this "going green" thing. Every aspect of modern business has been plagued by this craze over the last few years. The venerable Kermit the Frog probably said it best when he sang "It's Not Easy Being Green."

So the whole world is going green, energy consumption to packaging, to shipping, to delivering. And what does it get us? I don't know if this "going green" fad will help the earth but it certainly lowers both the quality of manufactured goods.

You can buy clothes hangers at Wal-Mart that are made of recycled corn products, fer cryin out loud. It's very cool, yes - but I gaurantee that my good ol' fashioned plastic hangers will outlast the corn-made ones by 5-to-1.

Everyone seems to be scrambling for more ways of "going green." I see it in almost everything I read at work. And being a graphic designer, I see tons of materials about how to save the earth. The ironic thing is that I probably get 5 direct-mail pieces each week that involve ways to help me "go green." Yep, 5 pieces of good old fashioned postal material. Made exclusively from dirty pollution making machines that chew up the living flesh of poor little trees! If they were really concerned about the environment, you'd think they'd only communicate through email.

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Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

An office conversation within the Art Department about a new robot that is going in to production soon. Read the news article here.

DJPJ: Did you guys see on the Drudge Report website where they invented that robot that looks like a little Chinese girl?

Me: (checking out the website) No. That's really creepy. Why wouldn't they make it look like something else? It's disturbing....

Mr. M@: Yeah, that's not right.

Me: Did you see who's building it? Cyberdyne Robotics. Do you know who that is?!

Mr. M@: No

DJDJ: It's the company that built the robots in the Terminator movies.

Mr. M@: They had to choose that name on purpose.

DJPJ: they'll be building robots to kill us next.

Me: It's probably some sicko pervert Japanese guy that made them look like little Chinese girls! Hell, why bother? You can get Chinese girls for free can't you? Why pay for a robot if you can adopt real ones for free? You can even teach real ones to cook and sew. What the hell would a robot Chinese girl be used for?!

DJPJ: You can program them.

Me: For what? Chores? I could understand buying a robot if it looked like the chick in the Terminator TV show. I'd probably be in line to get one, but a Chinese girl? I mean, what do they do, rake the yard? Bring you beer? It doesn't make any sense.

Because if they just bring you beer, I'd just as soon have an R2D2 robot. One that stored beer inside of it like a cooler. You could say "Miler Lite" and it'd pop a beer out and hand it to you with that little R2D2 robot arm. That'd be cool.

Captain Alex: You know someone has a robot that looks like Pamela Anderson out there in their basement.

DJPJ: They already have those. Sex Robots.

Me: Really?

DJPJ: Yeah, there called "living dolls".

Me: Why do you even know that?!

DJPJ: I'm into robots. I'm one myself.

Me: What if you bought one of those sex robots and died of a heart attack while you were using it?! That'd be awful. It wouldn't know to stop and you'd eventually be ground into mush. You'd be dead and the thing would still be grinding away, going "squish, squish, squish" until nothing was left but a bloody puddle!"

Mr. M@: ................. My god. There's something wrong with you.

DJPJ: I'd thing that battery would run down before that'd happen.

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Sunday, October 5th, 2008

Invitations

The Halloween Party is coning up, so I've been working on the last minute invitations. This year it is a skeleton and coffin that will include the invitation. Here are a couple of shots of the design in progress.

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Thursday, October 2, 2008

Social Commentary

I was doing a little research at work perusing through a bunch of "vintage" images when I ran across this one. I'm not sure what is going on in this shot, but it can't be anything good.

Derek's PSA for Kids Under 9:
Kids, if you EVER run into a situation where a guy with a thin pencil-mustache and two open-mouth clowns offer you 5 balls for 10 cents.... run like hell! Trust me, you don't want any part of that guy's "Dark Mystery."

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