Tuesday, March 30, 2010

The Cure.

The following was an email that I sent to Coyote regarding the Rely For Life Meeting that I was supposed to attend during my lunch hour.

Hi Coyote!

Just wanted to let you know that I won’t be making the meeting today. I need to run some errands – and since I am in here until 8 every night (like you’ve heard) it’s my only chance to get things done. If you guys decide to find a cure over lunch, have Andrea give me a call and I’ll try and make it, otherwise I’ll just help out next time.

Thanks, buddy ol’ pal!

D -

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Thursday, March 25, 2010

New Featured Page! Overheard at the Office.

Some of the funniest material that I've ever posted came from the bizarre office conversations that I've had over the past five years. So here they are... all collected in one page!

Click here to jump to Overheard at the Office.

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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Macs have amazing street vocabulary.

I just got this when running a (extremely rare) spell check on my last post. I LOVE how it caught butthole and gave me the 5th suggestion.....

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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The headline looks like it should have read: "Angry Easter Bunny holds children until pay negotiations are finalized."

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Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Office Conversation.

Just some friendly banter between me and my friend, Rhythmic at the office.

Rhythmic: "Derek, If I were your wife, I bet I would cry a lot."

Me: "Probably so, because I'd keep socking you in the eye."

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Sunday, March 21, 2010

WTF About.com?!

A screenshot from the about.com parenting website.

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Friday, March 19, 2010

Like father like daughter.

The message that was scrawled on the road in front of our house when I came home yesterday.

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Too soon?

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Time for some cutbacks, America!

Okay, you've read the circled headlines, right? Does anyone else see the irony in this? We “the richest country in the world” spend millions firing missiles to kill nine insurgents, all the while our fragile economy continues it’s downward spiral. But in Nigeria – one of “the poorest countries in the world”, a guy kills thirteen people with a friggin’ machete.

If I were an economist, I would take note. Lets break it down. That’s 6 million dollars paid to war mongering companies to kill nine people vs. paying seven dollars to K-mart for a machete.

Yes friends, if you run the numbers, that old rusty Machete is 69% more effective at killing people than a barrage of missiles!

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Monday, March 15, 2010

Random Thoughts.

Fraternities are gay. And not in a good way.

That is all.

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Friday, March 12, 2010

I call B.S., Little Buddy.

Y'know whats always chapped my hide? No, not my leather gimp suit! I'm talking about the Gilligan's Island theme. Seriously, the whole song is a blatant lie.

I quote: "The ship set ground on the shore of this uncharted desert isle."

I call B.S. right there! Anyone who's seen the show knows that it's obviously a tropical isle, not a desert isle. As a matter of fact, I have watched Gilligan's Island hundreds of times, but have yet to see anything even remotely resembling a desert!

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Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Framework

As the weather is getting warmer, I start feeling myself pulled in two directions. The first is to break out the fishing poles and go to the lake. The other is more sinister... Yes as soon as it feels warm outside, my brain automatically starts to get the itch to start my Halloween prop building.

I'm hoping that this will be the year that I get my two Halloween Prop building books completed and ready for sale before the haunt season takes full swing in June. I've already designed a basic website to house the books' page, but have yet to purchase a separate url for it.

I've posted the basic framework for the site here. It's far from complete, but I'd readily accept any opinions or suggestions at this point. I'm trying to keep the design and navigation as simple as possible and have refrained from the flashy animations/sounds etc. I want to keep it clean, concise, and simple. All of the pages should work, but some lack full content yet... so be gentle.

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Sunday, March 7, 2010

The Betty Lou Series

It's been a long time since I've worked on any new works to my Betty Lou series of drawings, The series is a pictoral description of a man named Duke trying to pick up his girl Betty Lou at work while amidst the beginning of a zombie apocolypse.

I'll probably work on some new drawings when the weather gets warmer since the ajority of my drawing time occur during my lunch hours. But for the meantime, I thought I would post all of the drawings in the narrative order in which they should be viewed.

Technical note: All of these drawings are hand sketched and then inked on paper before coloring them in photoshop.

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Friday, March 5, 2010

Three Solutions

Kprat was building a powerpoint presentation and asked for some help removing the name off of a building for the slide show. I agreed to help of course, since I am both a graphic designer and super-cool dude.

Quick Note: Sometimes people need to be a little more specific in their instructions when they ask me for something, or else misunderstandings like this can happen…

From: Kprat
Sent: Friday, March 05, 2010 3:07 PM
To: Greenwood, Derek
Subject: Favor

Can you make the name on this unreadable? If you look real hard you can tell what it says.

--------------------------------------------------------
From: Greenwood, Derek
Sent: Fri 3/5/2010 3:43 PM
To: Kprat
Subject: Favor

Here you go!

--------------------------------------------------------
From: Greenwood, Derek
Sent: Fri 3/5/2010 3:44 PM
To: Kprat
Subject: Favor

On this one, I covered it with a Havalina!

--------------------------------------------------------
From: Greenwood, Derek
Sent: Fri 3/5/2010 3:46 PM
To: Kprat
Subject: Favor

Here you go…..this time for sure!

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Thursday, March 4, 2010

I'm an idiom idiot!

Note to self: When teasing someone about a slip of the tongue, be sure to get your terms correct before doing so.

Kari-with-a-K: “I'm really busy today. I guess I have too many balls in the fire.”

Me: "I guess so -- because you can’t even get your metaphors correct."

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Unbelievable

I was doing some research online and ran into this amazing FAQ list. Do they really expect us to believe that the fifth most asked question is “Why is my smoke alarm chirping?” Can they be serious?! Am I expected to believe that a person who doesn't recognize basic smoke alarm maintenance is capable of operating a computer, navigating to a page and submitting a question?

C'mon!

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

WTF MSNBC????

For the first time in 6 years of blogging, I................... am................. speechless!!

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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Hierarchy of Co-workers

1) Co-workers are disgusted when you have a booger hanging out your nose.

2) Good Co-workers can overlook the fact that you have a booger hanging out of your nose.

3) Great co-workers will stop you and say, “Dude, you have a nasty booger hanging out of your nose.”

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Tuesday, March 2, 2010

The most contradictory photo of the day….

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Monday, March 1, 2010

Tiny spaces and cavernous places.

The following is an abridged email conversation about the workplace. Certain members of the team were temporarily relocated while remodeling is going on. Some of us were moved into tiny spaces, while two of use were moved into cavernous places. Luckily for me, I was temporarily "upgraded" to an office instead of one of the smaller workspaces. Good thing I'm a swell guy and don't brag about my good fortune.

Hotdiggity: Hi All! I miss you already …… this new neighborhood is extremely quiet ……. I have already been told that my phone and me paging is going to get old. Have a great day; hope to see you soon!!!

Me: I know! I miss you guys too. Kari-with-a-K and I are stuck in this office with an outside view that is totally distracting. Not to mention the fact that there aren't any interruptions. I guess what I am saying is that it's way too quiet and this desk is way too big for one person.  ;-)

You know what? Maybe you could ask maintenance if all of you guys could move into this office with Me and Kari-with-a-K. There's plenty of room. This office is HUGE!!! Kari-with-a-K is actually contemplating bringing in some furniture from home, just so it doesn't look so vacant. And we might split the room in half and get some bathrooms put in opposite the fireplace.

Coyote: Just put a little salt in the wound.  I have 2 bruises on one leg from swinging around to get up and hitting my knees on my new cube.  I have a new visitor- a lady bug – and they really isn't any room for him.  It is dark, cold and lonely.  I am not positive but I feel like I might be hanging upside down in a cave.  But really Derek you and Kari-with-a-K enjoy your temp home, because in a few short weeks your s'more making life will be over and you too will have bruises, be cold and lonely.  

The Innocent One: Oh Coyote you just made me LOL!! Derek your days are numbered………………

Jan's Prettier Sister: Derek let me know when the bathroom is in working order in you and Kari-with-a-K's office because I really don't like using the Public one down here on main floor.

Coyote:  I am going to put in a request for pads on my desk to prevent bruising.

Me: My desk has automatic airbags to prevent bruising. Kind of annoying, really…..

Coyote: Wow!!! You are really living the high life over there. 

Me: High Life? I think we have some Miller High Life in our walk-in fridge. I'll check on my lunch hour and let you know. I'm too busy dusting the chandeliers right now.

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Monday, March 1, 2010

Self Esteem

I just learned something………….

If you are overweight like me or if you're one of those people with a bad self-image, just go eat the lunch buffet at Ryans and look around the place. You'll immediately feel AWESOME about yourself!!!

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