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Saturday, May 31, 2008
Road Trip
Yikes! Today was the first day of our big car show and it always makes for a long day. After work I met up with Kelli and Jason and went with them on a road tour. It was really fun and we got to know each other better. Afterwards we ate some barbeque, listened to some music, and sipped a couple of beers.
Jason and I chilled, Kelli burnt her boobs, and the kids frollicked. Great time!
And on the family note, Wendy’s sister and her family arrived today from Idaho. I’m sure we’ll be spending a bunch of time with them over the next few days.
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Friday, May 30, 2008
Nobody in particular
The family and I went to dinner tonight with Jason, Kelli and their kids. We had an awesome time just chatting over greasy food and ice cream. Sounds pretty typical, right? It was, if you overlook the fact that we've never really met them before. Jason and Kelli are the stars of "The Nobodies" show.
We had an awesome time! We laughed a lot. And I mean A LOT as we got to know each other. I felt like I already knew them pretty well from their show, but Wendy had never listened since podcasting isn't really her "thing."
The dinner ended up lasting a few hours even though it seemed like half that time. I think we made new friends.
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Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Unhiding
I’m not a writer. My sentence structure sucks, my spelling is horrible, and I can be hard to understand. That being said, I expect others to have better English skills than I possess and can be disappointed when they don’t. Call me critical of others. I admit it. So you can imagine my disappointment when I ran across an “Unhide” option in Microsoft Excel.
I mean, it’s not like Microsoft is a big company with proofreaders on staff or something, right? So with that logic in mind, this whole “Unhide” command must have been intentional. How ridiculous is that? Are they so all-powerful that they have the authority to actually change our language? How arrogant.
If were going to go down this road of poor grammar and imaginary words, then why stop with “Unhide”? I’d like to see new commands like “Mirrored Unrevert”, where you could go back to a saved file that was changed earlier, except in reverse. Or what about having a “Theseusaurus” function, where words would be indiscriminately replaced by mythical Greek Heroes.
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Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Uranus is dirty
Wendy and I found this towel at the Dollar Tree today. There's nothing quite as cool as a washcloth with a picture of the planet Uranus on it. Yes, there are sooooo many jokes that could be made that it's almost too easy. Regardless, we went ahead and bought one for our daughter, KG3.
Nothing like taking a shower and washing Uranus! See? That was too friggin' easy!
What really threw me off is the picture itself. I'd always heard about Saturn's rings, but I never realized that there was a big, black ring around Uranus. But there is..... at least according to the washcloth.
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Sunday, May 25, 2008
Nobody in particular
When my cell phone rang with a mysterious number on the screen I almost didn't answer it. I used to get calls from an old lady looking for her daughter Tina at least once a week. It happened so often that I actually started to like hearing the old goat's scratchy voice. She'd always be confused when I'd answer and would ask me who I was, and why I answered her daughter's phone. It was hilarious to me to the point where I started saving her voicemails to play for my friends.
But the old lady hasn't called in quite a few months, and I found myself wondering if she actually started dialing correctly, or if she passed away. I surely hope she's still alive. She was a funny old bird.
So tonight when I saw a mysterious number show up on my ringing cell phone, I almost didn't answer. But I realized that it could be the old woman, and I answered.
The voice was familiar, but it wasn't the old lady. It was a very familiar voice, yet I couldn't quite place who it belonged to. It wasn't until she said "Hey Derek, this is Kelli." that I knew who I was talking to.
Kelli is one half (the nicer half - she may argue) of the Nobodies. Just who are the Nobodies, you ask? They are a married couple who put out one of the most entertaining podcasts I've ever heard. For over a year now, I've been listening in on their daily lives, sharing laughs, frustrations, and even some occasional sadness.
And to top it off, they are coming down for VW Funfest this weekend and hopefully we will have some time to hang out and visit. It must be strange for them though, since they know just a little about me, and I feel like I know so much about them. But we've emailed and conversed through message boards before, not to mention that Jason reads this blog. So maybe they know more about me than I think....
Either way, I can't wait to meet them!
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Friday, May 23, 2008
Tease me
I'm a real sucker for news teasers. You know them, the little blurbs that they dangle in front of you to make sure that you keep watching their brain-wasting program of non-news. They always drag me in like a fish on a hook with their promises of something great. The sad thing is that I know better. No matter what the suits behind the desk promise me, they never really deliver their rhetoric.
As a matter of fact, they got me just this morning. I was flipping past Fox and Friends when they announced that they were giving “proven ways to save on gas” in mere moments. I was hooked. I stood there like a mindless zombie through three minutes of commercials and non-gas related information. I continued to stand. Brain cells powering down, energy and interest dwindling, as I faded into a television induced zombie state.
The drool began to pool on my lower lip as I stared blankly at the screen. Still no prattle about saving gasoline. And just when I thought a string of slobber was going to begin its slow decent towards the carpet, it began. The segment on saving gas began.
My brain snapped to attention in the hopes of saving money on my gas. I had been calm. I had been patient. I was ready to open my mind to new ways of thinking. I was ready to fill my brain with secret knowledge, as if I was reading the manuscript of the Illuminati. And then they told the way to save!
Inflate my tires with Nitrogen. That was the secret. Nitrogen.......
I had stood waiting for nearly 15 minutes to hear that I need to inflate my tires with something that I don't have access to. What a crock! That “method of saving gas” is about as practical as telling me that I should just “work from home.”
I hate news teasers.
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Thursday, May 22, 2008
Go Toothless
I don't understand America's recent adoption of Bluetooth technology. Yeah, it may be considered cool to transfer photos from your fancy telephone onto your desktop computer. I'll submit to that application of the technology, but what really bothers me is all of the stupid telephone ear pieces that people are strapping on. Obviously the yuppies and ubergeeks were the first to jump on this bandwagon, smugly walking around the grocery store with the ugly phone set clipped to their ear.
I've got news for you people, it doesn't look hip or trendy people. It looks like there's some sort of H.R. Geiger alien is scrogging your damn ear canal. The next thing you know, your going to have some kind of little monster prowling around your cochlea. And it's not going to be an alien, it's going to be a big-assed tumor.
Why in God's name would you strap ANYTHING that emits radio signals directly to your ear? Ever wonder why this “Bluetooth” has such a stupid sounding name? I'm not certain, but my personal theory is that they just needed something to fill in the developmental product acronym. It was probably known around the lab as “project BT” and they just needed something to replace the true meaning: Big Tumor.
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Sunday, May 18, 2008
Fear The Pony Muffin
If anyone ever wondered if my daughter, KG3 is a chip of the old block, read he following msn chat between her and a friend.
KG3: I've always liked the name "Adrianna".
Patricia: Me too!!!
Patricia: It's just really pretty.
Patricia: Like Gracy.
KG3: HEY!!!!
KG3: Did you know that Adrianna means "protector of corn" in scottish?
Patricia: No!!!
Patricia: Really?
KG3: No.
KG3: hahah.
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Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Seen and noted
This bizarre sign that was spotted in a magazine this morning. I’m not sure what it means for sure, but it looks like “Don’t oversalt your vegetables.”
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Monday, May 5, 2008
Bear necessities?
Captain Alex, the Reverend Ed and I were talking about that guy who's been building the bear-proof suit for the past 20 years or so. I've seen him demonstrate it on television numerous times, yet ironically not against bears.
I've seen him have cars drive into him, wrecking balls push him through brick walls, and Malaysian sling-traps with giant logs pummel him in the chest. It's crazy! I'm not sure why a bear-proof suit would need to be able to be tested in those manners!
C'mon, lets get serious here! If a bear is smart enough to build a sophisticated trap from giant logs, then the trap itself is going to be the least of your worries.
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Sunday, May 4, 2008
Ring, ring
It's official. Both Wendy and I have new wedding rings. She bought me a nice, new titanium one on my birthday to replace my battered, old, gold one. So this weekend she found a new white gold ring for herself to replace the one that she has worn ever since we were kids. I think it upset her to take the old one off, but I explained to her that even though it's been worn for 19 years, it's still just a ring. The ring doesn't make the marriage, after all. I know the ring means a lot to her, but this way she can keep the old one safe forever.
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Saturday, May 3, 2008
Caught in the Mosh!
We took the whole weekend off for a trip to see My Chemical Romance in concert at the Pageant, a small concert hall in St. Louis. It was crazy! We took the train to town and got to the concert around 5:30 expecting to be early to get a good spot inside, but we were shocked at what we saw! Immediately after getting there we spotted hundreds of kids in line. And when I mean hundreds, I really mean hundreds – literally. There were two lines, one on either side of the entrance, both with winding tendrils of angst ridden emo kids as far as the eye could see.
It was black hair, converse all-stars, and heavy eyeliner to the Nth degree. So we began to walk to the end of the line when KG3 pulled a fast one and spotted an empty space in the line of scene kids. She walked up to a group of girls and began talking to them as Wendy and I slid behind her. The girls told her that they had been in line since 1:30 (some 4 hours earlier than us) and KG3 was quick to begin telling other kids not to line jump and go back to the end of the line. I didn't think anyone would say anything to her, especially with Wendy and I standing there. Not to mention that I probably had a pissed off look on my face, realizing that I was going to have to stand in line for 2 hours!
We ended being in the middle of the concert hall, within spitting distance from the bands. The first was called “Drive By” and was pretty good, but the second band (called “Billy Talent”) was awesome. Billy Talent seemed to work the kids into a frenzy and the crazy-ass moshing began. It got so rough that ambulances were called, and the band even stopped playing until the kids settled down. You know its getting bad when the band itself tell the crowd to chill out.
My Chemical whipped the crown into a frenzy again, but nowhere near like it was previously. They were awesome live, and I think KG3 had a blast. They've been her favorite band ever since she was in seventh grade and from what the band said, it is the last chance to see them for a few years at least.
It was a neat opportunity to see a band who usually plays venues like Madison Square Garden, but in a concert hall about half as big as a high school gymnasium. I hope she eventually realizes that her “old” parents went through a lot to let her see her favorite band. Heck, maybe one day she'll realize that she had the coolest Mom and Dad in the world.
These aren't our photos by the way. Cameras weren't allowed in the concert.
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Friday, May 2, 2008
When it rains, it pours!
Our big weekend is coming up and things are coming apart already. I've always been one of those 'glass is half empty' kind of guys, but this is going a bit to far. I intended on working a half-day today, and on half way through my commute, Wendy calls to remind me that my Driver's License is expired!
Normally this would be a pain in the ass in it's own right, but it's especially inconvenient today! We're supposed to leave home at three to head out to the Big-City for a concert, putting us in perfect sync with a dangerous storm system that's rolling through the state. So not only do I have to pack the car in the rain, but I have to sit at the DMV and take a driving test before we leave!
Hmmm........ Maybe this is god's punishment for laughing at that crippled guy the other day. But rest assured, I'm not a bad person, really – that guy just happened to be really, really funny.
Comment on this post. Be advised that I reserve the right to post all comments for public ridicule or email me at madhaus32@gmail.com
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Thursday, May 1, 2008
The results for April are in!
Well, the April search results are in and they're more disturbing than ever! Here are some of the weirdest searches that resulted on someone landing on one of my pages:
www.google.com translucent veins face /skin face
search.msn.com: knob gobble
search.msn.com: belated birthday poems for a special guy
www.google.com: how to look after a baby alien that glows in the dark
search.yahoo.com: drinking water standard log inactivation giardia
www.google.com.ng: 1 ship builders
wwww.google.co.nz: 80's the most peaceful decade
www.google.com: designs duct tape flame design
search.yahoo.com: snail animated gif
www.google.com: blucky tissues glue
www.google.se: henna penna warning
search.live.com: gothic icons
www.google.co.uk: how to make aliens have babies
www.google.com: dementia questionnaire
search.yahoo.com: snake charmer props you can make
search.live.com: cross eyed
www.google.com: wooden covered candy dishes
search.yahoo.com: www.wierd wrasslin.com
search.yahoo.com: demon wing frame
search.yahoo.com: sleestack prop
www.google.com: emo sideburn steps
www.google.com: my ship has not come
search.yahoo.com: sweet home alabama lightning sculpture
search.msn.com: usmc desktop pictures
www.google.com: riding dildo bicycle
search.yahoo.com: what can i build with wire coat hangers
www.google.com: prop eyeballs
search.yahoo.com: specimen in a jar of formaldehyde
search.live.com: warning ma
www.google.com: skull and bones dish towels
www.google.com: eyeball gumballs
www.google.com: walmart box fan
www.google.com: a paper on facial transplants
www.google.com.au: digital art eye ball
www.google.com: why bake a head
search.yahoo.com: creative advertisement for a small business college
search.live.com: missouri state
www.google.com: freddie mercury goat sex
www.google.com: optical illusion jesus letters
search.yahoo.com: aluminum foil art projects
wwww.google.com: matt damon explicative
www.google.com: taking still image of whats on the desktop
www.google.com: alien baby caught on tape
www.google.com: penalty for mob action
www.google.com: build your own movie props
search.yahoo.com: how to make a gross day project
www.google.com: gun candy dish
search.yahoo.com: live clue game party
earch.yahoo.com: thats gross
www.google.ca: creepy old portrait photos
search.live.com: swimming with sharks
search.live.com: fairy costumes
www.google.co.uk: wendy muse greenwood
search.yahoo.com: wal mart dish towels
search.live.com: how do i paint signs
www.google.com: haunted places in centerville utah
search.yahoo.com: how to make a three dimensional head
search.live.com: hard resin chickens
www.google.com: printable drawing of flames
www.google.com: long winded instructions on making a sandwich
search.live.com: rotten tooth pictures
www.google.com: printable drawing of flames
www.google.co.za: really powerful sayings for tattoos
search.yahoo.com: is it necessary to be listed in the yellow pages
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