Tuesday, July 29, 2008 Charged, and possibly discharged. Captain Alex sent me a ink to this news story about a guy in Indiana who was driving 120mph on the highway! It's an interesting story in itself, but then I noticed the photo. What the heck is going on in that shot?! Looks like the guy is trying REALLY hard to get out of the ticket in that shot. Good luck dude!

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Monday, July 28, 2008

Elfin Magic.

I did some top secret work on my website over the weekend. Most of it should go by pretty much unnoticed to anyone reading the site, except for the NEW IMPROVED Archive pages. When you click on the Archive link at the top and bottom of the blog, you'll be taken on a mystical, magical journey to a new page. Once there, friendly elves will show you how you can visit any month since 2004. See? It IS magic! And in addition to the ability to look at each month, those crazy fairies went ahead and build a page which contains the entire year grouped together! Damn crazy elves! Now you can read an entire year of my super-exciting life in a single page! Let's just hope that the gremlins have stayed out of there.

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Sunday, July 27, 2008 WTF is it?! I snapped this photo at my Aunt's house. It was laying on the ground near the garden hose and it kind of wierded me out when I walked up to it. I wasn't sure what it was, even after i got close to it since it was so dark outside. I think it was some old paper that had been weathered over time and just happened to look like a eerie old ghost face. Regardless, I'm a sucker for all things creepy, so I had to get my camera and snap a few pics. Want to see something even more creepy involving this photo? Click here if you want to see something that gave me chills.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Sprinkle, sprinkle.

My Aunt is having some medical issues right now, so Wendy, KG3 and I have been taking care of her and her house for the past few weeks. It's tiring, especially for Wendy since she's burdening most of the weight on her shoulders, but that is what family is for. So while Wendy is busy with medicine, re bandaging wounds, and helping around the house, I have been delegated to flower waterer.

And while watering the flowers is definitely the easier of the two, it's no small feat by itself because of the sheer number of flowers that she has. It takes at least a half and hour to do water them, and longer if it has been really dry outside.

I usually put on the ol' iPod and listen to podcasts while I sprinkle the plants with the life giving "imitation rain." Truth be told, I kind of enjoy doing it. Shhhhhhh......don't tell anyone.

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Thursday, July 24, 2008 Coil of woe (or whoa!) This is quite possibly the worst body-jewelry ever. Can you imagine threading this corkscrew barbell through your bellybutton? What about your nipple, or worse yet - your magical, pink hoo-hoo?! Relax, will ya?! It's just a clip off of an ink pen.

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Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Like Marv Albert, but with a tail.

The one thing that annoys me about caring for my Aunt's flowers is the constant barking that comes from her neighbors' poodle. I know you're probably picturing a little "yippie" dog, but this thing is big. I'm no dog expert but this poodle may be some sort of mutant because it's every bit as large as a labrador.

Irregardless of it's size, the damn thing never shuts up. Even a good ol' blast of water in the face won't quiet it down. It's been the sole irritation of caring for the flowers since day one. Until yesterday.

Yesterday, the dog stopped its yammering for quite a while. It was like a train wreck! I didn't want to watch, but couldn't keep myself from gawking. It's horrible, but a little voice inside me was giggling. Was it dog karma?

Me: Is that giant poodle next door to Peggy's house a boy or a girl?

Wendy: I think it's a boy. Why?

Me: Because someone's pit bull got loose last night, bit the poodle's neck, and was tagging it like crazy for about 5 minutes.

Wendy: Maybe the poodle's gay.

Me: Well, I guess it is now.

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Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Sprinkle, sprinkle.

My Aunt is having some medical issues right now, so Wendy, KG3 and I have been taking care of her and her house for the past few weeks. It's tiring, especially for Wendy since she's burdening most of the weight on her shoulders, but that is what family is for. So while Wendy is busy with medicine, re bandaging wounds, and helping around the house, I have been delegated to flower waterer.

And while watering the flowers is definitely the easier of the two, it's no small feat by itself because of the sheer number of flowers that she has. It takes at least a half and hour to do water them, and longer if it has been really dry outside.

I usually put on the ol' iPod and listen to podcasts while I sprinkle the plants with the life giving "imitation rain." Truth be told, I kind of enjoy doing it. Shhhhhhh......don't tell anyone.

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Monday, July 21, 2008

It's all in the marketing.

One of the hottest products of the year is the wondrous Ped-Egg. This ergonomic, skin smoothing wonder has become an essential tool in the fight against rough feet. All across America, women are singing praises to this cute, amazing little device.

But did you ever wonder why it looks like an egg? I bet they had a heck of a time finding a suitable name for the product. Seriously, take a look at the thing. It's essentially a cheese greater for your skin. Or perhaps more like a wood rasp, but for feet. Regardless, its just a fancy tool for filing off part of your feet.

So why call it the Ped Egg? Because the alternatives sound horrible. What other names got turned down? Well, the Foot-Grater wouldn't really sell, would it? And I'm sure that no one would by it if it were called the Pedi-File!!!

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Monday, July 14, 2008

Mouth-hygiene and me.

I always hated going to the dentist as a kid. I was like the crown prince of cavities back then! There was so much metal inside of my mouth that I'm surprised that I had the muscles to close my jaw under the sheer weight.

So a visit to the dentist to me was a day full of metal hooks scraping my teeth, needles piercing my gums, and an old, balding man with bad breath hovering inches above my nose. I hated it.

But no matter how bad it was for me, no matter how many filling I endured, shots I received, I NEVER had it as bad as the little girl in the photo below. At first glance, this antique photo doesn't look too awful. That is, until you read the signage that is posted.

The Forsyth Dental Infirmary for Children. An infirmary? Really??!!

And it gets even more bizarre as you read on. This dental infirmary cures all sorts of dental problems such as hypertrophied tonsils, defective teeth, defective palate, and are you ready for this..............cervical glands?

Cervical Glands? Are you friggin kidding me? What kind of dentist office is this??? No wonder the little girl in the photo is in such a horrible mood.

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Sunday, July 13, 2008

And today's WTF Award goes to...

Okay, according to this article, this mascot is supposed to be a whale, although I've never before experienced the great "brown whale." Does it look like a whale to you? No? Then what does it look like?? Really?

Yeah, you know what it looks like. And to top it off, the mascot is named Fudgie! Hmmmmmmm......

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Friday, July 11, 2008 The next internet sensation? Me: I dunno...... Lolblooms. Do you think I’m on to something? Timmaaa: The ferret is watching you pee!!! Now if you can register icanhazgoldblum.com you might have something good going...

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Tuesday, July 8, 2008

This quarter could be worth $50k!

This quarter featuring Minnesota was issued in 2005, but I never really took the time to look at one until this morning. Each of these commemorative-issue "State" quarters is a work of art, but this one made me wonder. Are there really giant ducks in Minnesota?

Looking at the other elements, I noticed that the boat appears to be a standard 15 foot bass-boat, which by my estimates, makes the "duck" about 13 feet in length?

I did some research and found an article about a giant duck sighting in Minnesota, but it turned out to be a large inflatable one. That put me back to square one, but I wasn't about to give up yet.

Undaunted by the lack of Giant Duck sightings, I studied the artwork closer and noticed that this "duck" doesn't have any tail feathers! This revelation opened up a whole new area of exploration. What if it weren't a duck at all, but some sort of plesiosaur, like what is rumored to swim in Loch Ness?

I did a little more research (ie "Googled") Minnesota Lake Monster and found tales of monsters in Lake Pepin. People have reported seeing the creature since the 1800's. There's even a $50k reward for anyone who offers evidence of the monster. Hmmmmm....it's sanctioned on our money, so it has to be true, right? That's proof enough for me!!! I wonder how I collect my money?

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Monday, July 7, 2008

Just for Conversation.

Reverend Ed: "I never noticed how many times I go to the bathroom through the day until I have to walk across the parking lot to go."

Me: "Yeah, I have to go a lot. My prostate must be the size of a softball. I bet I get up and go to the bathroom every hour."

Captain Alex: "I get up and walk around through the day. They say that it’s bad for your eyes if you don’t take them away from the computer every hour or so."

Me: "That’s what I do too - just to get a break. And when I do, it’s like ‘Well, as long as I’m standing up, I might as well go into the bathroom and touch my wiener.’

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Wednesday, July 2, 2008

At the Lake

Wendy and KG3 gave me a membership to a small, local, private lake for Father's Day and I'm finally getting to take advantage of it now that I'm on vacation. I went with the intention of reeling in a few whopper fish, but once I decided that they weren't biting, i just meandered around shooting photos.

I have a lot of memories tied up with this lake. When I was a child there were 6 or 7 members of my family who owned cabins there, including my Dad. It seems like about a third of my childhood memories are somehow tied to these waters. Going back there is a strange feeling indeed.

A panoramic shot of a portion of the lake. Click on the shot to see it in a larger size. Do it! Do it now!

Here's a shot of the cabin that my Dad used to own. It's amamzing how many memories came flooding back to me just from walking around the yard! I also noticed that it's for sale. Any takers?

As a kid I always heard tales of trolls that lived under bridges. It looks like I caught a glimpse of this one trying to lift up the beam on this dock. Mighty, mighty troll fingers.

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Wednesday, July 2, 2008

This Weeks WTF award goes to.....

Here's more cell phone photos sent in by KG3. I'm surprised that the slogan doesn't say "For your pleasure."

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Tuesday, July 1, 2008

The June Search Results are in!! NOW WITH COMMENTARY!

search.yahoo.com: marine corps uniform belt loops significance
Ummmmmm....helping the belt to hold up their trousers is the first thing
that comes to mind.

search.yahoo.com: pickled alien fetus sale
Pickled? Why would you want to eat a baby alien?

www.google.com: metal detecting middle aged men
Guy 1: "This iron ore is awesome! It's so magnetic that it can be used for a
compass."
Guy 2: "Oh yeah?! My metal is better! My metal detects middle aged men!"

www.google.com: homemade alternatives to cigarettes
Can you say rat poison?

search.live.com: fortune cookie sayings
How about this one: "Watch your back, bitch!"

www.google.com: toyota corolla warning icons
The first one should be "Don't buy me - I'm a Toyota."

www.google.com: make brass thumbtack photoshop
How are you going to make a brass tack do anything dude, it's not alive?!

search.yahoo.com: pal rules on luggage for international flight
Your pal might be a jerk, but my pal lets me do whatever I want. We've been
friends since childhood.

wwww.google.com: computer crime fruition
Come down to Silicone Valley Orchards and pick some computer crime while
it's still in season

search.yahoo.com: the ole spider
the ole weird search

www.google.co.uk: cool looking potions
"Damn, Steven! You've got the coolest looking potions anywhere!"

www.google.com: how to create theatrical hair
Only God can do that!

www.google.com: black bike and car show in greenwood
You keep that stuff away from my butt-hole you Son-of-a......

search.aol.com: young actors with beards
Okay, you got me on this one, freakazoid.

www.google.com: floodlight light deflector
What does that mean? If the floodlight bothers you so much, just turn the
damn thing off.

www.google.com: face hot but skin cool
I'm not even going to resort to an Anna Nicole Smith joke on this one.

search.live.com: were any animals harmed in dawn of the dead
Two were. But one was the muppet, and the other one really, really deserved
it.

www.google.com: no matter what don't look inside the ark. keep your eyes
shut, marian
Better listen marian. The last person who didn't listen had his face melted
off.

search.aol.com: least painful anal lube
I don't know the answer to this one, but I can guess what the MOST painful
would be. Turpintine.

www.google.com: wholesale alien towels
Some people just need tons of alien towels I guess....

search.yahoo.com: glues used for ceramic to styrofoam
Why? Why in gods name do you want to know this?

www.google.com: what vegetables can you grow in the florida keys
All of them, I'd guess

search.live.com: quetzalcoatl pictures
Quetzalcoatl isn't even real, stupid. You might find some drawings or
paintings but I SERIOUSLY doubt anyone ever took a picture of the winged,
Aztec serpent god.

www.google.com: pencils shoved up an anus
I hope they weren't sharpened!

www.google.com: cirque de soleil and grim reaper
I guess even Death likes to watch creepy, gay acrobats

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