2007 - The Year In Review
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Saturday, January 27, 2007
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Friday, January 26, 2007
They finally figured it out.
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Tuesday, January 23, 2007
The Stentch.
I had dreams, BIG dreams. A dream in where I could get into my car and feel refreshed by the sweet smell of the outdoors. No more would my car smell of cigarette smoke, ass, and remnants of summer fishing trips. I dreamt of a day where Wendy could sit in the passenger seat without immediately making an face like she'd just been smacked by a cloud of funk.
And this weekend I thought that the dream had come true. Yes! I discovered a miracle cure in the form of tiny blue air fresheners. These tiny blue sticks of gel-like goodness promised to be my saviors from the odorific hell that is my car.
And the promise on the packaging was right!! Almost immediately the smell of ass and smoke was gone. The only problem was that the former funk was now replaced with an equally (if not more horrible) stench. The problem with the "Outdoor Breeze" is that it has become overused. To my chagrin, this scent has be used repeatedly in bathrooms, So much so that instead of equating the smell with "fresh air," I equated it with "public restroom". So perhaps they need to repackage it to say "Clean Public Restroom Scent!"
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Thurday, January 18, 2007
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Thurday, January 18, 2007
Letters, we get letters........
Timmaay sent in this email with a snippet from the biblebelievers.org link from the January 16th post:
Subject: Your biblebelievers.org link...
"Many people are going to die between now and the year 2,000. Cash will disappear, and with it most crime. Inheritance and private property will be abolished, as will the individual home and family life and ALL religions established and existing at the time, along with patriotism and all ordered national governments so that the Luciferian ideology of totalitarianism may be imposed on mankind. Technological development and economic growth will be severely cut back. Man will be required to live like his ancestors. Man will come once again to conform to the law of the survival of the fittest. Many things we now take for granted, like motor cars, will be absent. The old, the infirm and the handicapped will be eliminated, and the unproductive killed."
Okay Timmaay! So the site may be a little extreme, and maybe just a wee-bit wrong about the year 2000! Sheesh! Just because I link to something doesn't mean that all of you guys are supposed to really look at it........
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007
A blast from the past!
while working on making an interactive dvd of our old photos,I ran into this old photo.This was the tree that was outside of the window where I used to work. We had always called it the penis-tree, but eventually the grounds keepers cut the appendage off.
I guess it became the eunuch tree.
I'm spending a bit of time trying to learn how to use iDVD on my Mac at work. It's realy cool software that lets you build interactive media that can be played on your television dvd player. I'm hoping to put all of our digital photos going clear back to 2003 on an interactive dvd and give a copy to our reletives. it's a lot of work, especially since I'm working in 10-15 minute increments. I should be finished sometime around 2009.
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Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Listen to them.....
The children of the night!
I just found out something pretty cool! According to the news, Dracula's Castle is up for sale. (Read the article here.) Well, I guess it's not really Dracula, but the person that the vampire character was based from, Vlad the Impaler. Apparently the castle is on auction for 78 million.
As you can see, it's not the creepy, musty old place that you'd expect, but a beautifu, clean palace.
Another strange thing about this sale is that it is currently owned by the Habsburg family. This is the family that supposedly can trace their lineage back to biblical times and claims to be the descendants of Jesus and Mary Magdalene.
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Sunday, January 14, 2007
A tale of Halloween past.
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Saturday, January 13, 2007
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Friday, January 12, 2007
Driven insane.
A conversation about who will drive everyone to the Chinese buffet for lunch.
Captain Alex: We can take my car, but it's junky.
Reverend Ed: Your Jeep? Whatever! Have you ever been in my truck? My truck is ghetto!
Mrs. Val: My car is too!
Me: I'm driving a loaner from the body shop. It's a real "hoopti" piece of shit.
Mrs. Val: Umm..... I have to start my car with an Allen wrench.
Me: You win, Val.
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Thursday, January 11, 2007
Black-balled.
So, the other day I got this cryptic message from a Mr. Timmaaaay:
“Expect something soon. But only when you're least expecting it...”
Then I got THIS package in the mail today!!!! Check out the pic!!
Included with the package was a single black "stress-ball." A stress-ball that looks remarkably similar to the one that we used to play catch with in the office. A stress-ball that Timmaaay had promised to leave for Sioux and I when he left back in February of 2006.
So I guess I have to apologize for being such a jerk to Timmaay back in this post.
In response to getting the package, the following email banter between Timmaay, Me and Sioux occurred.
Me: Uh........ Yeah, I take that whole “you lied to me” thingy back. You're true to your word Timmaaay!
So when did you find it? Thanks for making me laugh out loud. I emailed a pic of it to Sioux too. I'll definitely be playing with it from now on. (Get your mind outta’ the gutter!!!)
Timmaay: But of course!!! (read with French accent)
I still say I left one there...cause I used to have two. What a sacrifice eh? They're really fun though, all jibbly and mushy. I hope you enjoy it. And I hope that not everybody gets blackballed in the eye or something. So yeah...have fun.
Oh and by the way, if you read into this email and think that its any combination of sick or twisted then one of two things are necessarily true (and probably both).
1. You're a big perv!
2. It all goes back to Skal-jo. I swear!
By the way...I was thinking about something I haven't heard in a while and kinda miss. That is: "God Tim!!! I can't believe you said that!!! What a dick!!!"
Have a lovely Friday afternoon.
Sioux: I knew that little S.O.B. was a liar!
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Smack-Dab in the center!
Well, it's been two whole years since I've hit a deer with my car, so I guess it shouldn't be surprising that I got one tonight. For any readers who are urban-folk, deer accidents in this area are as common as drive by shootings for you guys. When I called the Sheriffs office to report the accident, they told us that there had already been three deer collisions that night.
The body shop quoted it as three-thousand dollars in damage. YAAAAAY!!!!
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Thursday, January 04, 2007
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Wednesday, January 03, 2007
Anniversary Time
Yep. It's that time of year again. Another anniversary for me and Wendy!
18 years ago, two young people ignored almost everyones warnings, eloped to Kentucky and got married. We've made it through extensive military separations, a short war, raising a daughter, and the toughest strain that a marriage can face; a home remodelling.
So here we are nearly two decades later, standing stronger than ever before. Here's to the next 20 years and the adventures life will bring. I love ya' Babe.
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Tuesday, January 02, 2007
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Tuesday, January 02, 2007
The Squirrel of Hades
The Brat shot a photo of this dead squirrel while she was on a walk. We aren't really sure why the squirrel was dead, but we think it was the work of satanists! Observe the Ronnie James Dio-esque hand symbol that the poor critter was gesturing at the time of his demise.
Could this be a clue to some sinister plot to destroy all of the country's yard vermin? Let us pray not!
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Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Ch-ch-changes.
You'll probably notice something different about the look of the weblog. Mainly that the top navigation is missing. Instead of having a separate link for each individual month like before, I'm only going to use a simple "next" and "Previous" buttons from now on.
Will it make these pages easier to navigate? Nope.
But it will keep me from having to update thirty-something web pages at the end of each month.
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Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Letters, we get letters........
Timmaay sent in this letter.
Well it's early Tuesday morning...and I just got done with a TV mini marathon of last night's Heroes and X-men 3...so naturally my sensory perception for the paranormal was very alert. So I made what I thought would be a normal stop at your blog to see what life has thrown at you lately, and what you threw back (up). "Sheesh he's been sick..." I thought. "Cool robot." I was impressed that the Brat did some soldering. And then I saw it... BA NA NAAAAHHH.
There near the top of the current month's page, just above the most recent post, was a link to none other than...."Next Month." Could this really be true? Was this truly a portal through the fabric of space and time itself that offered a glimpse of what will happen in the days and weeks to come!?! Could this be the tool I need to beat the stock market? To see a light at the end of the tunnel for this sickness that is home remodeling?!
No... wait a second... it would probably just inform me about Derek's next charfing... And then I clicked it and it didn't even do that much... Sigh... That was almost VERY cool.
Reply:
Tim, you may not realize it, but be clicking on the "Next Month" button, you traveled precisely 22.39 seconds into the future. Now, that may not sound very exciting to you, but what is truly astounding is that your displaced body was replaced by a highly intelligent three-toed sloth named Rex McGovern for those 22.39 seconds which you traveled. Rex serves as the "fill-in" guy for the International Society of Wayward Travelers of Time and Continuity (ISWTTC), of which you inadvertently joined by clicking the "next month" button.
Don't worry though, ISWTTC membership is free. Expect an ipod shuffle in the mail last Wednesday.
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Sunday, February 25, 2007
Hair today, gone tomorrow
I guess all of the sweating that I did when my fever broke really messed up my face. It was burning like crazy and I ended up shaving off my mustache because it was so uncomfortable. So here is the before, during, and after pics for your viewing pleasure.
| Stage 1:
Just Me
This is the typical old "me." This is more or less how I have looked for the past 15 years or so, I've shaved it off before, but always immediately begin growing a new one. I just don't feel comfortable without it. |
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| Stage 2:
The "Half-Stache"
Here I am with half of a mustache. I call this my "Bert or Bertha" look.
(10 points to anyone who gets this obscure ED Wood reference.) |
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| Stage 3:
The Nazi
Ever wonder what I would look like if I were the reincarnation of Hitler? Yeah, me neither. But here is what I'd look like if I were. |
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| Stage 4:
The Babyface
Here I am clean shaven and fresh as a newborn babe. If you like this look, you better enjoy this pic because I'm sure that this look won't last. |
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Saturday, February 24, 2007
I haven't posted in a long time because I've had a really nasty case of the flu. I guess my money was wasted on the flu shot this year because it sure as hell didn't save me from it. I felt horrible. You know that feeling that you get right before you throw up? Where you can feel the acrid taste of your stomach acid in your mouth as you fight the urge to vomit? Well I had that feeling non-stop for two friggin' days! I never fully threw up, but I came close a lot. Maybe I should have just relented to the urge and spewed everywhere to get it over with, but I was afraid to open the flood gates. Who knows what would have happened?!
I tried to be the good Dad though and even though I missed work for two days, I managed to help the Brat with her science project. She had to build something that ran off of a "D" sized battery and carried three loads. So we built a robot with illuminated eyes and spinning arms. It could have been a lot cooler, but between the short time that she had to finish it and my being ill, we did the best that we could. She ended up doing a whole lot of it herself including the cutting, painting and even a little soldering. I was impressed. The project even had an on-off switch and carried four loads on the battery.
And speaking of loads..... As day three approached, my urge to puke was replaced by the overwhelming desire to fill my pants with runny poop. It was a blast. Nothing make a sick person feel better that a mad dash to the toilet every twenty minutes! Sorry for being so graphic, I hope none of you are suffering from morning sickness or have weak stomachs (right Sioux,? Heh, heh, heh.). But all is better now. I just hope Wendy and the Brat don't come down with it.
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Monday, February 18, 2007
Her Spirit of Vengeance
We went and watched the new Ghost Rider movie over the weekend. It was decent, but I don't think that I'd pay to see it again. The story was really cheesy, but the effects kicked ass – so I guess they kind of balanced out to be an “okay” flick. The Brat wasn't much for it though, but I think that's because she really hates Nicholas Cage. As a matter of fact, she told me that the best part of the whole movie was getting to see Nicholas Cage’s head catch on fire.
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Saturday, February 17, 2007
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Friday, February 16, 2007
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Thursday, February 15, 2007
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Resistance is futile.
I took The Brat out to play pool while Wendy was visiting her best friend. We had a good time and I was surprised to find out how much better she is at pool than she used to be. We played three of four rounds of pool and a couple of Air Hockey games and other misc video games. I’ve always loved games, and growing up in the 80’s fueled my fire. I always considered myself a pretty good gamer. I sat for months playing the Atari console that I'd gotten for Christmas and it helped that the local arcade was owned by one of my best friend’s father.
So when I got the high score on the driving game this weekend, I was thrilled to know that I still have “it”, even at the ripe old age of 36. But I'm no kid anymore....... And I realized that when I got to add my 3 initials to the high score hall of fame and I entered my name as DAD.
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Ice, ice baby
There was an ice storm here in Illinois that makes the snow in New York look miniscule. When I left my building for lunch, there was enough ice on my car that I almost couldn't open my car door. So instead of driving to the park, I had to sit in the parking lot and dethaw my windows. It was horrible. I barely survived!
Then I saw this giant feral penguin scooting on the ice as I tried to make it back to work!
Never trust a penguin after it has tasted human flesh!
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Monday, February 12, 2007
Blast from the Past
Over the past 6 months or so, I've been trying to locate some of my old friends who served in the Marine Corps with me back in the early 1990's. I've had some decent like so far, but got a surprise when I found the whereabouts of my ex-Commanding Officer last night. It was an unlikely way to find him, but I saw him on TV.
We had rented a newly released DVD called "The Marine." It promised to be an old Swazeneggar style ass-kicking movie, but fell short in my opinion. I think the movie sucked quite honestly, but we went ahead and suffered through the entire thing.
Now I'm a sucker for the extra features on DVDs. We always make sure to check them out, even if the movies were bad. Hell, sometimes the extras are better than the movies themselves!
This movie in particular had a short film covering the premier of the movie's release at Camp Pendleton in California. Of course I was interested since I spent some time there back in 1989. And as the feature began, a familiar face appeared on the screen! It was my former CO Captain Seaton! Now a Colonel, he is in charge of the entire base!
I excitedly told Wendy, who didn't remember him. So I went to the book case and dug out my old Mediterranean Float book and showed her a photo of him. The same James Seaton, who's appearance ironically hasn't changed much over the years.
That in itself is strange, because Marine Corp years usually equals four civilian years. Meaning that if you see a Marine that looks 35, he's probably only 23. The Corps has a way of weathering long-timers' appearances.
It was cool to see him again and know that he's doing well serving our country.
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Saturday, February 10, 2007
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Friday, February 09, 2007
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Thursday, February 08, 2007
Piss-poor photo choice.
Captain Alex spotted this rather disturbing ad for a stock photography agency. Take note of the strange placement of one of the stalks of wheat. Is this an accident? Are Alex and I just sickos? Or did the photographer slip this one in because it looks like the girl is peeing through her jeans?
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Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Real Sea-Monsters.
Have you heard about the bizarre prehistoric shark that they found in Japan earlier this week? It totally blew my mind when I saw it, and if you think the pictures are strange be sure to check out this link that shows a video of the thing swimming around.
Stuff like this makes me think twice about how we disbelieve in the old sailor’s tales about sea serpents. If there is anything comparable to the old wood cut illustrations of sea monsters, it's this shark. This shark IS a sea monster in my opinion!
Can you imagine seeing something like this thing swimming towards you? I swear I'd instantly turn into a “human squid”. And by that, I mean that I imagine that I'd immediately shoot out a dark cloud behind me as I'd swim away.
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Tuesday, February 06, 2007
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Monday, February 05, 2007
Letters, we get letters........
Back in December, I posted a photo of "Old Folks Sausage" that I discovered at the grocery store. Today I received the following email from a gentleman named Dick:
Subject: December 4, post
Somebody must like Old Folks Sausage. The business has supported three generations of their family. (They are my cousins and their kids). The commercials are pretty funny, tho.
- Dick Purnell.
Well, there certainly wasn't anything creepy about this email, so maybe I'll have to give the "Old Folks Sausage" a try. I'll keep you all posted. And thanks for the email, Dick!
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Sunday, February 04, 2007
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Saturday, February 03, 2007
A Shattered Ego.
I noticed the tag on these hand towels this morning! I was thrilled that Wendy had these custom monogrammed for me, but then she told me its just the brand name. Bummer.
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Friday, February 02, 2007
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Thursday, February 01, 2007
The weird world of work.
Reverend Ed: I'd like a pdf of the page with my bio on it and a pdf of the photo studio page if possible.................. Tanx, you're the Nam!
Me: Ummmmmm....... Actually, I ate the page with your bio on it to steal all of your power!!!!! BWA HA HA HA!!!!! I'll make you a pdf, but I'm keepin’ the power dammit!
Reverend Ed: Ha, the jokes on you Aluminum Turbo Blaster Man...........my power lies in the root stalks of my hair..........oh...........oh shit!!!!
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Tuesday, March 28, 2007
One Sore Eeyore
Last night Wendy and I were trying to print my brother Kaleb’s senior pictures at Walmart, but we got questioned before they’d give us the prints! (Jon said that it’s really a compliment, since they think that they’re professional photographs. I suppose I can see his point, but its still annoying. ) After reviewing our prints, the photo-lab boy (obviously nervous) stammered and stuttered when he said “Ummm, I have to ask you this; Did you take these?”
I simply replied, “yes, I did.” I guess that was good enough for him because he never mentioned it again. But thinking back on it, I should have snapped a picture of him with my cellphone. Then the next time he asks me “Did you really take these photos?” I could reply with “Yes. And here is a photo of you in a leather codpiece spanking a donkey.” I bet that’d shut ‘em up!
Unfortuanately, all of our prints weren't ready so we stopped in this evening to pick them up. I was expecting another "Did you take these photos?" , but was surprised when they actually made me sign a copyright form stating that I, the copyright owner, gave myself permission to make prints of my own photos.
"You're kidding, right?" I asked. "I have to write down that I give myself permission to print my photos?!"
"We have to do this for any professional photos."
"But they're MY photos. And I'm not a professional." I laughed.
"They look professional, so yes you have to sign it."
So begrudgingly I signed it......
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Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Love Stinks! No really, I think it does this time
Spring must officially be here. The air is warm and gentle, birds are chirping in the blossoming trees. The sun basks down upon the earth like a loving mother, cradling her child in a warm, loving embrace. Love is in the air.
You can feel it, taste it, and hear its whispers on the lips of young lovers. You can find love all around us if you take the time to look.
Case in point; this endearing little heart which appears in the middle of a glob of bird shit in the parking lot. Isn't love grand?
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Sunday, March 25, 2007
We want a pitcher, not a belly itcher!
Today was the first real day that it was in the upper seventies. We had a cookout at Her Majesty's parents and The Brat and I got in some good softball practice in. The field was a bit marshy from yesterdays rain, but we trudged through it and played catch. The brat is playing on the same team this year, but is hoping to play third base this summer. She'd played third for the last two years in her previous league, but got moved to right field when she moved up into this league. She was pretty upset because she loved third base and was pretty damned good at it. I think she was more upset ant the reason that she couldn't play third. The coach told her that she was the only girl who could fire the ball into home from was back in the field and that she was more valuable back there.
So just in case she's out there again this year, we practiced the long distance throws. And as embarrassing as it is to say, I think she's got a better arm than I do this year. She was firing them to me with no problem today. Luckily for me that she was too far away to hear me grunt and grimace every time I threw the ball back to her. My shoulder feels like its been through a meat grinder!
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Tuesday, March 20, 2007
The following is a snippet of an email correspondence between the Reverend Ed and I.
Quoth The Revered: ............if you were starting a band in today's world, a really bad choice of names for your band would be 'Renegade Muslims'
Me: Yeah, I think that's why “Cat Stevens and the Bombers” never went back on tour with their “Sheikh Your Booty” tour.
The Revered: ............
Me: As a matter of fact, That whole “Rockin’ the USA” tour has Been Laden with problems……..
The Revered: Jesus, what did I start?
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Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Letters, we get letters........
Bdahnke sent in this letter about my insensitive remarks in the March 17th post.
Derek, Derek, Derek,
When will you learn to be politically correct. As a mother of a child who is handicapped, and by the way quite a good bowler. ( He earned a gold medal at both district and sectionals for Special Olympics) I take offence to your retard comment. Can you beat his 144 game or his 118 average?
Lucky for you I also have a sense of humor. So yes, once again you made me laugh.
bdahnke
Reply:
Sorry, bdahnke, but I don't know if I'll ever be politically correct. Of course, that doesn't mean that I intended on being hurtful or offensive by what I said. I was just trying to point out that I suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck at bowling. There's no doubt in my mind that your son could beat me at it!
Back to my lack of political correctness; I guess that's something that I need to work on. My family always gets mad at me when I refer to the “cripple parking” at store entrances or “flaming faggots” that wear girls clothes and makeup. But that doesn't mean that I'm a hater of either. I have both handicapped and gay friends (but no handicapped gay friends. Hmmmm....something to shoot for???)
Anyway, I never meant any harm with my words, as I'm sure that you realize. Glad to hear that my idiotic ramblings still entertain you once in a while.
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Monday, March 19, 2007
Have you ever wondered where all of those plastic bags that you get at Wal-mart come from? Little do most people know that they are grown right here in the heartland of America! Within the past five years, bag farming has becoming increasingly common in our state. Where as in the late 1990's, it was difficult to spot a field of bags, it's now a common site in rural Illinois. These fields become heavenly white during harvesting season (early July) and you can hear the soft rustle as the bags crinkle in the autumn breeze. "Bagging", as it has become known, has become a successful farming venture for many, especially since this hearty crop has only one pest. Yes, I'm speaking of bag worms. But with proper care and pesticide, bag farming is bringing the farming profession back into the black ink.
In the photo below. You can see the fresh fields of plastic bags before they are harvested.
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Saturday, March 17, 2007
Maybe we needed heavier balls!
We went bowling with Sioux and Stu this evening. Her Majesty and I are what you'd call experienced bowlers. We bowled a few games last summer in Indianapolis, but we'd been in a bowling slump since 1989 prior to that. I enjoy bowling, but I suck. I imagine that I bowl about as well as a retarded 10 year old quadriplegic with gout. It seemed like my first turn ALWAYS went into the gutter no matter what I did. It was if some strange, mystic force pulled my ball into the gutter every time. The more that I tried to compensate for it, the more that I did it. It was embarrassing!
Wendy and Sioux did pretty well, considering that Wendy hasn't bowled often and Sioux has a fetus in her belly. I think Stu may have been playing us though. He was bowling pretty decent in the beginning, but towards the end he released and onslaught of strikes and spares. I think he may go pro! Good thing I didn't bet any money on the game, or they'd own our truck, house and maybe even my “Where the Wild Things Are” toy collection!
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Thursday, March 15, 2007
Driven...... to the poor-house
I've been driving Wendy's truck to work ever since the wreck. It's ridiculously expensive to drive this thing to work! The all-wheel drive behemoth only get about 15 miles per gallon and is quickly eating away at our pocket book. So maybe I need to think of other ways to save money until we get a new vehicle.
I could always quit smoking, but that is a difficult, arduous journey that makes everyone around me live in hell. I need easier ways.
I could quit eating lunch. This would probably save around twenty dollars a week.
And that's about it. I don't spend a lot of money outside of nicotine and sustenance. So maybe I need to focus on ways to earn money.
I could sell a testicle to science for 250k in Mexico, or so it's rumored. But it's illegal here in the U.S. So if the deal went bad, there'd be no way to recoup the money -- or the testicle.
I could have a massive eBay auction and sell all of my antiquated zip discs, book, and home made Halloween decorations.
I could start mowing lawns, but my mower isn't working right now and the grass hasn't really started growing yet.
I could beg for money outside of Wal-Mart on my lunch break. But who'd believe a that a clean shaven chubby guy in dockers needs a hand-out?
Maybe it's time to break down and buy another car.
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Wednesday, March 14, 2007
The following is a snippet of an email correspondence between the Reverend Ed and I
Quoth The Revered:
"The letter W is the only letter that really sounds like what it looks like.....although, it should be called a double V not a double U. And then that got me thunkin' about the other ones, the alphabrothers as I like to call them. We don't call a P a one legged R or a broken R now do we? I, as well as anyone, am well versed in the Greek alphabet and the origin of our modern letters and know full well that the letter T comes from the symbol for Taurus the bull (and the conservative family car) and the cross at the top of the letter is simply the bastardization of the symbols depiction of the horns on the bull..........but going by it's name, shouldn't it look like a tea bag?....or at least the act of tea bagging?
B does indeed look like boobs seen from the top (which, in that regard would make a 'P' look like a one boobed person from above ala' radical mastectomy...) but it's called 'B' not boobs and in any case it doesn't look like a bee.
H does indeed look like an H-Beam but I believe that's the old, 'the beam is named after the letter, not the letter named after the thing....' just like an 'S' Curve or 'I' Beam or a 'C' clip.
The letter 'O' is an interesting paradox. The human mouth does indeed make the 'O' shape when saying the sound for 'O' but is that where the letter came from ..............the world may never knOw.
X does mark the spot but 'M' don't look a thing like Dorothy's auntie......Y I wonder?"
Me: And did you ever notice how the letter “V” fits so comfortably up the letter “W’s” butt?! The letter “W” also looks like Madonna’s ta-ta’s from above. The singer, not the messiah’s mamma......... And speaking of Jesus, the letter “T” looks like, oh nevermind. (Bet you thought that I was going to say a cross didn’t you? Nope, I was going to say a hammered in nail.)
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Monday, March 12, 2007
I consider myself to be a pretty good guy. I always try to lend a hand to people in need, I donate to charity throughout the year. I'll pet stray puppies and kittens alike. But sometimes you just get the urge to be a dick.
That urge struck me today at lunch. It was a beautiful, warm afternoon and there are lots of parents and children frolicking on the playground. There are dozens of empty parking spaces in the park, but I chose to park directly in front of one of the only open picnic tables. I'm not going to use it though, instead I'm going to sit in the SUV and listen to the radio while I eat and write this. The table is still free to anyone who wants it, but they'll have to eat about 5 feet in front of me and be self conscious while I look out from the truck.
Sometimes it's fun to be a dick.
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Sunday, March 11, 2007
Now he's a court jester with a broken heart.
I can hardly believe it, but Marvel comics killed one of the most iconic star- spangled characters in all of fiction. In case you haven't heard, Captain America was assassinated by a sniper this month. Was this a political statement by the comic publishers? A reaction to the publics' anti-war sediments? Or was it just a money making ploy that would finish of the meager comic sales? I don't have the answers, but I don't agree that this is the time to be killing off our super-patriotic heros. There are so few fictional characters for our kids to look up to. In a world filled with violent fictional characters and games like "God of War" and "Grand Theft Auto" where the heroes act more like villains, I think it does the country good to have some wholesome, traditional heros in the mix.
Read the whole story on CNN by clicking here.
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Well, its been a month or so since I hit that deer with the Oldsmobile, so I guess it was time for the Fates to smack me down again. This morning I was hit in the front end by another car while I was turning in to get fuel. Luckily the airbags really worked this time (unlike when I hit that deer). I emerged pretty much unscathed from the event except for a sore sternum, a twisted ankle, and a failure to yield ticket. Hopefully the people in the other vehicle came out okay also.
This is where I got hit. Right smack dab in the right front fender! KAPOW!!!
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And here is the view from the other side. I know that the car is all smashed and beaten, but doesn't it kind of look like it's smiling at the camera?
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The photos above let you see the extent of damage that was under the hood. But notice how well the tire held up. I believe they are Futura Touring tires from Pep Boys. Durable indeed!
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And here is the freaky thing about the wreck. Notice the impact in the passenger side window. I can't explain how anything could have hit the glass there. It's as if someone else had struck the window with their head.
I'm just glad that I didn't have a "Jesus is my copilot" bumper sticker because Jesus would have one heck of a headache!
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Wednesday, March 07, 2007
I overheard this conversation at a nearby table during my lunch. The people were talking about weight loss and someone in their circle of friends who apparently wasn't around at the time.
Person 1: Wow! They should be really proud for losing so much weight.
Person 2: But there's a point where you might lose too much. If you lose too much too quick, you start looking like a corpse.
Person 1: Maybe they'll need surgery to tighten up their loose skin like on television.
Person 2: "They should be made to have that surgery. Its just plain old gross to have 40lbs of loose skin for one thing. And its just plain selfish too! "
Person 1: "Selfish? Why?"
Person 2: “By donating that 40lbs of loose skin, I bet they could save 3 burn victims."
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