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Thursday August 31, 2006
Ground Hog Day (well, kind of...)!
I made a new friend at lunch today. Well, not really a friend, seeing as how the little critter would have enjoyed gnawing my foot off! I showed the pics to people at work and the photos inspired the following conversation:
Me: I was afraid to get to close. He was really watching me as I moved around. I didn't want to get bitten.
Paul (directed towards Jon): Geez! Are groundhogs aggressive?
Jon: How the hell would I know?!
Alex: I doubt if they're very aggressive. I'm not sure, but just because I've never heard a parent tell their kids “Now be careful and watch out for those groundhogs!”
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Monday August 28, 2006
I shot these slugs on the side of our back door last night. I've never quite seen anything like it. There was this HUGE glob of white mucus hanging from them!
Of course, I immediately called to Her Majesty to look and thoroughly disgusted her.
I'm not 100% positive, but I think that they were mating. I don't pretend to be a biologist or anything, but I can't imagine any animal, slug or otherwise, wanting to be immersed in that much mucus unless they were getting it on.
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Saturday August 27, 2006
No More Kings (anyone who gets this obscure reference will get a big "attaboy").
We got rid of the old Bonneville today! Thank god we will be able to pay our property taxes now! This is the first year that we've struggled with them because our "tax-break" from the city is ending. I'm not sure what the full amount was, but I think it was around 50 billion dollars! Luckily we were able to get $850 out of the ol' car!
There were a lot of things going bad with the old ride, but I'm still going to miss it. It had alot of cool features, like the speedometer projected on the dash, a sunroof, and the supercharger. I hope the guy who bought it gets some good use out of it.
I just hope that the curse of Karen Carpenter doesn't carry over!
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Saturday August 26, 2006
Snooty Beeotches!
Ford Motor Company sent us this nice letter the other day explaining how there was a recall on our Explorer and explained to us how the electronic system may cause a fire. So, not wanting to burst into flame anytime soon, the family went to our local dealership to get it repaired. It wasn't a horribly long repair, under a half an hour.
But out of all of the things that I will remember about the experience, it wasn't the wait. Nor was it the cost (which was nothing), or the horribly bitter free coffee that I had in the waiting area. No, what I will remember for years to come is the snobby lady who shared the waiting room with. Her attitude toward us was apparent from the moment we walked in. She looked away with a scowl, her bitchy lips pursed tightly, as we walked past.
I'll be the first to admit that we weren't dressed to a "T", and as a matter of fact, I probably did look a little rough around the edges with my camouflage t-shirt and green cargo shorts, but it's not like we had body odor or anything.
We sat at a nearby table away from the lady, but you could just feel her disgust in the air. So I ask, what would you do n this situation? Do you confront her? No, it wasn't that big of a deal, really. Do I really give a crap what this snooty ol' bitty thinks about us? Not really.
So I did what I felt was the right thing to do. The thing that I felt would make me the better person, I played an annoying game of paper football with my daughter.
I'm sure the annoying sounds of us plinking the paper wad didn't bother the lady a bit, nor did the constant motion caused by us retrieving the paper "football" from the floor.
"Whoops! I accidentally flicked it too hard again!" snicker, snicker.
Some folks just need to get over themselves!
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Wednesday August 23, 2006
Overheard at a High School Football Game.
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Saturday August 19, 2006
Putting her our to pasture.
I'm sorry to say that the time has come for me to release the Bonneville from its task of being my primary transportation.
When we bought it nearly five years ago it was an awesome ride, but like all vehicles do, it began to show its age in the past two years. It has hit that age when everything begins to fall apart. It started with the anti-lock brake system. Once the brakes went out, we knew the end was near. It still runs fine, but the cost of gas was severely crippling our finances. So it's time to put her down.
But who would want to buy a car with all of these troubles? We'll be honest about the problems to all of the potential buyers, but I think that with the proper wording, we can downplay them.
Heres what I mean; the following is a list of issues that the car has, and how we could word them so that they don't sound so bad:
Bonneville For Sale:
Runs well -
Has over 200 thousand miles on it - Reliable car.
Horrible fuel economy - low milage
Air ride suspension no longer works - Driving it is makes you feel as if you are one with the road.
Emergency brake sticks - "Brake Locking" feature helps secure car on steep hills.
The supercharger only works part of the time - You be thrilled when you feel it's super charger kick in!
The gauges and mileage indicators sometimes go out - Lights on gauges may be turned off! Great for nighttime driving.
Anti-lock brake system doesn't work - This car can really squeal it's tires!
Electric Sunroof won't always close - Believe me, once you experience driving with the sunroof open, you'll have a hard time driving with it closed ever again.
Idles rough and you have to pump the accelerator to keep it running sometimes - When you put your foot down, this car will really go!
Leaky radiator and burns oil - All fluids changed regularly.
Exhaust pipe is broken off on one side but not the other - Dual exhaust system! Not another one like it in the area.
Needs new air bags - Proven safe.
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Thursday August 17, 2006
She gets it from me.
We spent the majority of yesterday evening searching for The Brat's cell-phone. We looked high and low, checking everywhere we could think of. The Truck, the car, her friends' house, her grandma's house, and yes, our
house. But even after hours of looking, it ended up being a fruitless
search.
Yes, we DID call the number, but like any other kid, The Brat isn't the most consistent person regarding charging her phone. So either the battery is dead, or the phone is hidden better than the corpse of Jimmy Hoffa. It's a mystery.
Her Majesty is bewildered regarding our child's innate ability to lose things. It truly mystifies her how the kid can have something in her hand one second and then BAM....... It's misplaced a few seconds later.
I'm sad to say that she gets it from me. I've always been like that. It started out with shoes. I never could keep track of my shoes as a child. It was such a problem that my mother used to put Jancie (a younger, but more organized cousin) in charge of keeping track of my sneakers at family gatherings. It sounds embarrassing, but she did a good job of it.
Like the Brat, I too seem to have the ability to misplace anything. I can set my key down on the table, only to find them in another room moments later. It's bizarre and sometime even weird. I mean, I have found the TV remote in the fridge before. And in the bathroom! Why in Gods name would I leave the remote in the bathroom?!
There's only one logical reason for this. Pocket Universe. Yes, a pocket universe existing parallel to ours. A universe filled with all of the things that I have lost over the years. It's a universe filled with ink pens, cd's, silverware, socks, fishing lures, and shoes, all stemming from me.
Yeah, pocket universe. That's it.
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Wednesday August 16, 2006
Letters, we get letters........
In regards to the Wednesday, August 14th post:
Wanted to comment on your blog post about airlines. I totally agree with you! There is an old saying that goes like this: "An armed society is a polite society." Besides that you wouldn't even have to get as drastic as arming EVERYONE. If the fed-gov would stop trampling on our God given rights and allow us to protect ourselves this wouldn't be a problem. Let me show you how.
Here's a nice little snip from a document you may not have heard of... the constitution of the United States of America. "the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." (Amendment 2)
The thing I'd like to point out is the word INFRINGED. Let's define that term. Infringe - to encroach upon in a way that violates law or the rights of another
Ok.. so basically our it is our God given RIGHT to both keep and carry (bear) arms (weapons -especially firearms) If God gives me the right to do so and the Constitution protects me from the fed-gov violating that right why am I not allowed to be armed (in any freaking way) on an airplane? Because the federal government is usurping the rights of the people regardless of the Constitution.
Now lets imagine for a moment that the Nanny-State would have left us alone long enough for 9-11 to be ATTEMPTED in 2001. In a free society not everyone chooses to be armed, but here's the beauty of it... SOME DO! So the perps don't know who is armed in any given situation. This makes for a very satisfying scenario. Three guys with weapons pop up and try to hijack the plane... upon which 10 or 15 responsible citizens who are armed either shoot the idiots or put them out of comission and life goes on! Yippeee! We've solved the problem. Let's get smart here... why should the bad guys be the only ones who are armed? Obviously if they're willing to kill someone they're not going to care if they're breaking a gun law. (DUH)
Here's the root of the solution: We all need to stop relying on big brother to keep us safe and learn to be responsible for ourselves!! For crying out loud people get a spine and grow up! Be prepared to deal with life and stop looking for someone to take care of you.
Ok... *gets off her soapbox* I'll quit now. LOL
-White Raven
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Tuesday August 15, 2006
Remember earlier this year when the Government was pressuring Google to release its search records of it's users? I'm proud to say that the people from Google had enough balls to stand up to Uncle Sam and say "F you ! Those records are private and we won't release them!"
After hearing this, the government basically backed down. Violating consumer privacy is not a good way for either political party to gain votes in the upcoming elections.
While Google should be commended, the folks at AOL should be wallowing in shame! Were you aware that AOL provided detailed search records of it's subscribers? It's true!
In AOL's defense, they didn't give the subscribers name, but merely a user number. The bad thing is, many people do searches for their own name, social security number and credit card information to periodically check for online fraud. So there are some cases where the searches themselves can easily identify the individual user.
Scary! Way to go AOL.
But another frightening thing isn't caused by AOL itself, but by the users. By briefly browsing the searches, you run into some rather..... disturbing searches.
There are dark and strange people out there. People who never expected that their dark sides would ever become public knowledge. Beware AOL users. Beware.
Not all of them are disgusting though, and some of them are quite humorous. It's fun to imagine the people who are doing these searches and what kind of thought pattern they are following to do these searches.
Don't trust me on this one however, go here and read some of the searches yourself. Prepare to be amazed, bewildered and disgusted as you gain an unrestricted access to the minds of the human animal.
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Monday August 14, 2006
A simple solution?
I know that the airlines are removing anything that can be construed as a weapon because of the recently thwarted terrorist plans. But wouldn't it be easier to give EVERYONE on board a weapon instead?
Think about it...... If every single passenger were issued a razor sharp machete upon boarding, do you think anyone would try and hijack the plane? Hell no! Who would want to dodge a barrage of machete swinging, jet lag suffering people? Nobody, that's who. And that doesn't even include the havoc that would ensue from the enraged smokers going through nicotine withdraw.
Plus, it'd make a short order of any bizarre occurrences like in that new movie "Snakes on a Plane."
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Saturday August 12, 2006
Holy Flaming Tortillas!!!
We had a great time at Lisa's cookout over the weekend. Even the Brat kind of enjoyed it. Aaron Zane showed up on time because of his girlfriend Lorretta, which astounded me! It was good to see them again, and Her Majesty enjoyed meeting them on a more person to person basis. Until then, she had only known everyone through the crazy stories that I would tell when I came back from work.
Stioux (husband of Sioux) not only impressed Aaron and I with his skills at the grill, but also showed us the proper way to build a campfire using tortilla chips and the catholic times.
Who knew that a tortilla chip could burn for such a long time?!
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Friday August 11, 2006
It's 2pm and I'm taking a late lunch. I'm really excited about tomorrow because we are having a get together at my friend Lisa's house. I'm really excited about it because I haven't seen my close friends for quite some time. Even that lazy SOB, Aaron will be there (He still owes me $5 y'know!) with his girlfriend Loretta. Sioux and Stioux are going too.
Hmmm.....that last sentence had a wonderful use of iambic pentameter, don't you think?
I'd mention that Lisa would be there too, but it's at her house....so duh! I'm sure it'll be tons of fun! I can't wait!
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Wednesday August 9, 2006
One heck of a stormy night.
Forgive me Internet, for I have sinned. It has been four days since my last confession.....er, posting. It's been such a long time due to not only my work schedule, but also due to Mother Nature's will. If you haven't heard, my hometown got flooded with over 7 and a half inches of rain the other night. It was a horrible thunderstorm which not only flooded many houses in the area, but also zapped my ISP, temporarily shutting down my site.
But all is well again and I'm ready to start posting again.
The Brat and I went out driving to check out the carnage brought upon by the storm. I had intended on taking today off from work, and as luck would have it, I wouldn't have been able to go to work anyway. Apparently, the rain has flooded both highways leading to my town, making it physically impossible to leave. Her Majesty works 10 miles from home and even she couldn't get to her work until around 1pm.
So The Brat and I did what any other father and daughter would do on a day like this. Yes, we drove around photographing houses with faces!
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Saturday August 5, 2006
Just found this scan of an X-ray that I had done a few years back. I'd injured my neck and the doctor sent me in to get it checked out.
Did you know that (at least here in Illinois) you can request to keep your x-rays at no cost? yep. The hospitals usually keep them and recycle the silver in them, but technically I guess that the patient owns them and can keep them if they want.
Why didn't you know this? Because they'd never get to recycle the silver if everyone kept them, silly!
Now everyone can see that I DO have feelings.....uh, fillings.
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Wednesday August 3, 2006
Letters, we get letters........
In regards to the Wednesday, July 26th post:
I think the term you were looking for here was cannibalistic, but hey dude it’s the circle if life. It’s like when a baby is born so we have to kill a person on death row to keep things even (God bless Texas). I feel sorry for the old store, but the old store knew what it was getting into when it started whoring for Sam Walton (God rest his soul). Sam was like the pimp of all pimps; he took buildings and turned them into retail whores, and when they were no long pretty enough he left them by the side of the road (God Bless America). Id love to take the old building and turn it into something fun. Put a digital projector in there and show movies, add a computer gaming center and throw LAN parties on the weekends, and a half-pipe (I’ve never used one, in fact I cant skate, but the half-pipe is the symbol of coolness.)
SSG. In the Kiss Army
Poe
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Tuesday August 1, 2006
Whew! These last two weeks have been a real whirlwind! There's been so much going on that I'm surprised that I was able to maintain what little sanity that I have. We've had sicknesses in the family, Medical emergencies, lots of work, and even a potential case of salmonella.
Since I haven't had a chance to post for over a week, I'm going to attach the last few days of my July entries at the bottom of this page.
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Monday July 31, 2006
The beautiful (people) dream.
I had a very vivid dream the other night that I think that you'll find interesting.
We were having a photoshoot at work and Ed (the photographer), said that he needed some special carpet for the shoot. He gave me an address to pick it up for him and I left with a car load of migrant workers to help me carry it back. Once we arrived at the address, we walked around looking for a way to get into the building. Finally a Chinese lady answered the door and let us in. She said that "He'll be with you in a moment" and led me to the bottom of a large staircase which Marilyn Manson was descending.
"Did Ed send you?" he asked.
"Yeah," I replied "We're supposed to carry the carpet."
"Well' I don't have any carpet, but I have a bunch of telephone cord that you can use instead."
For some reason, this made perfect sense at the time. "Sure." I said and followed him upstairs.
He led me to a large, bare room, void of anything beside a massive tangle of phone cord. Hundreds and hundreds of yards of it!
"Go ahead and roll it into a ball, and you can take it all with you." Marilyn spoke.
The migrant workers were obviously pissed at this! They told me that they were going to lunch and for me to meet up with them at some restaurant once I was finished rolling up the cord. So the workers and Marilyn Manson left the room. Marilyn told me that he was going to be entertaining guest and that I could just let myself out when I was finished.
So I rolled. And rolled. And rolled, until I had a five foot sphere of telephone cord. It was then that I realized that there was no way that I could carry the thing to the restaurant. And if I left to get the migrant workers, the door would lock behind me and we wouldn't be able to get back inside.
After he left, Marilyn had entered a room with a heavy wooden door, easily twelve feet tall. Music was blasting from it and I knew that he wouldn't here me banging the wrought iron door knocker. I wondered if I should address him as Brian (his real name is Brian Warner) or as Marilyn.
As I was thinking it over, the heavy door swung open and Marilyn Manson stood it the doorway holding a large bowl of spinach leaves covered in a vinaigrette dressing.
"We're having dinner, here" he said, motioning towards Joe Perry (from Aerosmith) and some other people who sat at a long wooden block table.
Then I woke up.........
Can anybody analyze that one for me???!!!
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Sunday July 30, 2006
What a dangerous weekend.! We spent some time this weekend visiting my Aunt in the hospital. She was a victim of a routine testing gone bad. What was scheduled to be a two hour test, ended up nearly killing her, and became cause for an emergency surgery.
No sooner than we returned home from the hospital, we had a slight emergency ourselves. Her Majesty was cutting a watermelon on the counter when her hand slipped and she sliced deep into her hand.
She handled it pretty well, probably better than I would have. We got the bleeding stopped but decided to go to the hospital in case the would required stitches.
We don't trust our local hospital even though our family doctor is employed there. The problem with our small hospital is that we have to import ER doctors from other areas. At any given time, you may get a doctor from St. Louis, Chicago, etc. and understandably, most of them aren't in the greatest of moods. So because of this, we travelled to the hospital in the town where I work. It's a pretty good drive, even when you are speeding to get to the hospital.
Note: Automated road construction lights do NOT stop for people rushing to the hospital.
Once there, we got to sit in a small room with a bunch of other people, sick with god knows what ailments. We even had a nurse draw blood for a lady who sat across from us...... while we were all still in the waiting room!
Back to the story at hand (get it? get it? At HAND........... oh, nevermind!) Her Majesty ended up with several stitches and had to keep her hand wrapped up in a "boxing glove" of sterile gauze.
You can see in the photo, that it is starting to heal already, so hopefully next week she'll be good to go.
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