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Tuesday, October 31, 2006
What a night. This was the first year that we've ever handed out candy for Halloween. The brat finally grew out of the “give me candy” phase of the holiday so now we can focus on setting up the creepy yard décor for the first time. I left work early to get set up, but just as always it came down to the last minute before the decorating was finished. It was supposed to rain tonight, so most of our decoration was place inside of our living room this time. I was afraid that we'd set the entire yard up and then have a hellish rainstorm ruin it all, but it didn't happen. The clouds blew over and we had a nice, spooky moon to illuminate the yard. We set up our standard decorations; the grave stones, the zombie arms, and a grim reaper figure. But this time we added a little surprise! Next to the stairs to our entrance, there was a large mannequin slumped on a chair, with a cd of horror sounds blasting through the yard. This massive skeletal zombie was none other than myself dressed in the zombie costume that I created a few years back.
Being a father, I had a specific method of scaring the children. Basically any child that I thought to be under 4th grade was off limits and I would just sit there motionless. Once they got inside the house though, it was fair game to creep out their parents. Most of the time I remained still anyway, with the exception of waving good bye to some of them as they nervously eyed me while leaving our yard.
We had four of the Brat’s friends at the house giving out candy, all in costume and having a blast. I think she really enjoyed it and it may have made her feel a little better about not having a big Halloween party this year.
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A view of our Ghostly Library, the room where children had to enter to get their candy. These photos show it in full light, but during "trick or treat" time, it was lit with black light and a flashing strobe light.
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How the room appeared from the outside once the black lights were on. The ghostly figures hovered over the window and archway.
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Our yard as it appeared from the street and the four merry "candy hander-outers."
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The highlight of the night though wasn't giving out candy. Her Majesty was standing outside of the house welcoming in the children when we heard some shouting and cussing from down the street. Four high school age boys ran down the street in front of our house, and I knew they were causing trouble. I just sat there and watched them go by, following them with my eyes as they gazed into our yard while Her Majesty was facing the other direction.
Me: "Those kids are going to come back and tear up our decorations." I told her.
Wendy: "I know. They're up to no good."
After the boys disappeared, Her majesty went inside to check on our daughter and her friends. It was a typical October night and very chilly outside. I really wanted to go inside and thaw my fingers, but I knew that if I waited long enough the boys would come back.
Sure enough, after about 10 minutes, 3 of the boys came into our yard from the east side. They scanned the area to see if my wife was still outside and when they saw that she wasn't they came closer. They walked past the gravestones, acting as if they were admiring them as they drew near me. They were going to steal me and I knew it. I held my breath as they walked up, each boy both looking at me and scanning the yard for any onlookers. And just as they were about a foot away and reaching for my arm I jumped up and shouted a growl that really shook them. It was beautiful! I swear that one of them looked like he was going to cry.
Halloween is a wonderful thing.
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This is what the high-school punks tried to steal. You can see how it appeared to them from the street in the left photo. The pic on the right shows a detail of the costume. Surprise kids!!!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!!!
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Sunday, October 29, 2006
Nothing to get excited about... or is it?
I got a couple of emails from a guy wanting to talk to me about my Halloween decorations. He's writing a book for VH1 Productions on yard haunts and would like to use some of my photos for the book. Its pretty exciting, but I don't want to be too elated. After all, I was contacted by the Discovery Channel a few months back regarding my chupacabra sculpture, and after jumping through a bunch of hoops for them, I never heard anything back. But what the heck, who knows.......
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Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Maybe some things are better left unsaid.
Me: If I were in a bad accident, would you was my butt for me? Like a bad accident, where I lost my legs or something....
Wendy: No, you'd still have arms to clean your own butt.
Me: But what If I had my legs, but lost my arms? Would you clean it for me then???
Wendy: ............
Me: You'd buy a dog to do it wouldn't you?! To lick it clean!!! You'd be like: "Honey, you can finally buy that Borzoi that you've always wanted"
Wendy: That's disgusting.....
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Monday, October 23, 2006
A severe blow to my psyche.
Geez, I just found out that if you do a Google Image Search for “Nerd Costume,” the second thing that comes up is a photo of me. Don't believe me? Try it.
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Sunday, October 19, 2006
And I thought that I was strange
More meeting with factories. The highlight of the day was a contact that we met named "Clint." He was a Bullshitter extraordinaire. He actually told us that his job with the company was to "clean the air at his office" by walking through the rooms. "To ensure that the air flows freely like a river." He said. He also explained how he loved surfing websites about Japanese College Girl and that his Buddha master had taught him how to do "special" push-ups without using his hands, Gulp!
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Sunday, October 17, 2006
Inger ickin' ood
Tonight we traveled to the Sea Ood Boot restaurant where we got to pick our seafood dinner straight out of a multitude of fish tanks. It was truly a meal that I will remember for as long as I live as we ate duck cheek, chicken feet, mussel soup, squid and god knows what else. It was quite the gastronomic experience!
It amazes me that I'm staying in a communist country. All of my life I have been led to believe that communism caused a repressed society, yet when I look around me I see happy people all around. They laugh, dance, and eat in diners, Child ern are playing, teenagers are hanging out and riding scooters in their designer clothes. The people are friendly and outgoing and incredibly courteous. My mind has been opened like a book. Do I believe that a communist government is the best form of leadership? No, but I must admit that it is working well for China today because they are embracing the capitalist society.
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Sunday, October 16, 2006
Burn baby burn!
I didn't get very far in the day before my neck started to burn really badly. From what I can tell, the combination of sweat, yesterdays acid rain, and the pollution actually blistered my skin like an acid burn. I took Benedril all day but didn't notice any marked difference. It wasn't until a supplier gave me a small bottle of a traditional Chinese medical oil before the pain subsided .
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Thursday, October 15, 2006
Spotted in the airport
We could have flown on one of these two airlines. Of course we took the FAT one.
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Thursday, October 15, 2006
Spotted in the airport
Check in your alcoholics here.
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Sunday, October 15, 2006
Rockstar China
I got to ride on the Humen subway system today. It's ironic that the only subway system that I have ever been on is one from a foreign country. It was extremely crowded in the train, but it was otherwise comfortable. Luckilly for us, the subway system was brand new, and therefore clean. But nothing is perfect, and we got blasted by some extreme Chinese body odor more than once.
The end of the day went out with a bang. We went to the hotel lounge for drinks and our Chinese friends taught us how to play "Liars Dice," an Asian drinking game. After several rounds of Peejo we sat back and relaxed while listening to the hotel's kick-ass house band. They were really impressive at playing "foreign" songs. I took several photos and a few videos of their guitar player while he ripped out some solos.
After a few more rounds of beer, We decided to become rock stars. My friend belted out a drunken version of "Sweet Home Alabama" and I wailed out a horrible rendition of Green days "Basket Case." Film at 11:00.
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Saturday, October 14, 2006
Of Communist Water Parks
We travelled to a park this evening to see a fascinating water show. Hundreds of people filled the park to watch as the fountains danced to a light show, both synchronized with music. Children were running and playing, young lovers walked hand in hand through this beautiful span of fountains, flowers, and decorative lights. The only disconcerting part is that the pollution here is horrible. We were walking though the park during a lightning storm yet the smog was so thick that you couldn't even see it. When the lightning flashed, the gray sky would just become a lighter shade of gray. It's just as sad that at high noon, you can look trough the smog and look directly at the sun. Because of the pollution, the visibility here is only a few hundred yards before things disappear in the haze.
I learned that communism isn't necessarily evil, but it does place restrictions on people - some good, some bad. Right or wrong, I have discovered that people can be happy regardless. Honor, politeness, family and friendship are the true rulers of this land.
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Friday, October 13, 2006
Stomach of iron
We arrived in Shenzhen in the early afternoon, and although it has a population of over 5 million people, it still has much of the small village feel outside of the city limits. It's by far the dirtiest city that I have visited so far, yet it still possesses a beauty that I can't quite describe. For all of the urban sprawl, there is something about this culture which I am falling in love with. Of all of the countries that I have ever visited (and there is a lot of them), I can honestly say that none have ever struck me as powerfully as what I have experienced this week.
Our 20 course dinner was at an excellent seafood restaurant full of traditional Chinese cuisine including tons of fish and even a plate of pigeon heads. It was delicious and surprisingly I was able to sample some of each of the more than 20 dishes, even the boiled chicken feet. There was something about them that made my stomach churn when I looked at them though. Perhaps it was how they resembled waterlogged children's hands, or maybe it was the way that my Chinese hosts ate them, bones and all. Regardless of the reason, I had a hard time bringing myself to choke them down.
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M-m-m-m-m-m. Chicken feet. Just like Gramma' used to make. Blech!!!
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Thursday, October 12, 2006
Night time is the right time
The nights in Ningbo are exceptionally beautiful.
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Thursday, October 12, 2006
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Thursday, October 12, 2006
Spotted on the street in Shanghai
No Comment.
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Thursday, October 12, 2006
We checked out of our hotel early in the morning. We had been out late the night before and I was definitely feeling the reprocussions of the Peejo. The prior nights events caused me to be cranky, groggy and regretful of my excursion into the Asian night life. By the end of the day we'll have left Shanghai and be in Ningbo.
Travel Tip: If you want to be molested by a female security guard in a Chinese airport, simply forget to remove your belt when you go through security's metal detector.
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Things that I learned today:
There is no crime in Shanghai and this is why: the penalty for stealing is 25 years in prison, drug possession is death by firing squad, graffiti- 5 years in prison, Murder, death.
Fish meat that is plucked from the steamed head of a fish tastes just like you would expect it too.
Shanghai has 20 million people - that's several times larger that New York City
There is enough concrete poured every month in Shanghai to build Philadelphia.
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Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Billboard spotted on the street in Shanghai
Uhhhhhhhh........... is that supposed to look like what I think it is?
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Tuesday, October 10, 2006
I like American Music (as sung by the Violent Femmes).
We were treated to a large dinner by one of our business contacts this evening. I've learned that the Chinese use these big meals to conduct their business and help build a stronger supplier/client relationship. Our host's English left a lot to be desired and it was very difficult to communicate with him. His staff was a great help in translating for us, especially Vickie, a bubbly young lady whom we had worked with before. The Peejo (beer) was flowing freely throughout the dinner and it became apparent that they intended on getting us drunk. After dinner we were taken to a nightclub where a live band was playing American songs. Believe me when I tell you that "Sweet Home Alabama" doesn't translate well to "Sweet Home Shanghai" despite the band's best efforts.
We spent the next few hours sitting with the supplier and Vickie while his other worker Lai Lo puked on the nightclub floor over and over again. It was a fairly uncomfortable and embarrassing situation. I hope that she didn't get in trouble the next day at work. The night seemed to go on forever and we ended up rolling into our hotel around 2 am.
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Monday, October 9, 2006
Definitely not Gentle Ben.
We just returned from the upper level of the hotel. I'll post a photo so that you can see that it looks amazingly like a flying saucer. The view was awesome because you have a full 360 degree view of Shanghai from the 47th floor.
This Chinese food is really tearing me up. Every time I try to take a dump it sounds like a grizzly bear is crawling out of my ass. A grizzly bear that smells like green tea.
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This city is AWESOME!!! There are near 20 million people here! The photo below gives a little perspective of what the city skyline looks like. Remember though, this only shows about a quarter view of the city!
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Sunday, October 8, 2006
This was my first full day in Shanghai and I got the opportunity to do a little sight seeing. I was kind of worried about going out because something that I ate had my stomach doing the macarena, but it eventually settled down.
After a few hours of touring and shopping, we decided to eat dinner at a restaurant that was famous for it's dumplings full of real crab ovaries. In addition, we ate some seaweed wraps and egg noodle soup. We washed it down with some hot tea that tasted like water with grass clippings. Overall, it was still good, but the whole chopsticks "thing" is still a problem for me.
Late Night addendum: Me pee smells like pond water now. Just what the hell is in that tea anyway???
And Guess What?! Here's a photo of Butch with our friendly club- handed, one-eyed beggar!! Way to go Butch! That guy sure does look like he appreciates that spare change!
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Friday, October 6, 2006
I guess by now, you have learned that I am going to China on business for a few weeks. Today was the day of departure, and it was an early one at that. I woke up at 4 am to be sure to make the airport on time. The flight wasn't scheduled to leave until 6, but I have an irrational fear of being late thanks to the Marine Corps. It's going to be a long trip because I think that I'm getting sick. My sinuses have decided that they should band together and have a mucus party behind my eyes.
In-Flight Addendum: Changes in cabin pressure allow you to feel your snot gurgling and bubbling deep inside your nose. Cool!
Late Night entry: The harrowing 13 hour flight is over! Not only did we go through some serious nicotine withdrawl, but I had to suffer through 2 showings of "Raising Helen" to boot.
The flight was my first experience eating raw fish at a meal. The airline's entree came with a bowl of cold pork and two slices of raw, red fish strips. It wasn't as bad as I expected, The secret was to slurp down the fish without chewing too much. It'll be the texture of it as I chew that will get to me, not the actual taste.
After arriving at the hotel, a colleague and I walked outside and (just like any city in the USA) were immediately accosted by bums begging for cash. I swear that if the crippled beggar is outside tomorrow, I'll get a photo of his club-handed begging ass holding a shiny American quarter.
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Strange Note: All of the stewardesses on China Eastern Airlines look like Chun-Li in the Street Fighter video games. Hmmmm.
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Thursday, October 5, 2006
Being the Macintosh user that I am, I'll be the first to admit that I have a biased opinion of Micro$oft. But just like every other computer user in the free-world, I am forced to use their products anyway, just so that I can work with everyone else. Sometimes though, something weird happens and I just laugh to myself. I got this error message in Word today that is just plain stupid.
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Monday, October 2, 2006
Since I've been too buy to keep up with posts lately, I am going to let the month of October run into the September posts. Many of you may already know, but I'll probably be too busy to post for this month, so I figured I'd keep the updates simple. I'm thinking of having some "guest posters", but I'm not sire how things will work out. I'll keep you posted. (Yeah, I know... bad pun!)
Maybe I'll separate the months toward the end of October.... I dunno.
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