Letters, we get letters........

Tim sent in these photos of some curious billboards that he ran across in Indiana. His comments are as follows:

Letters, we get letters........

Her Majesty sent me this email in response to yesterdays post:

Letters, we get letters........

In response to Friday's post:

Letters, we get letters........

I got several positive emails today about my self-policing of my posts. But then I also got this message........

The following tips were compiled after speaking with a young man applying for a graphic design position. Each tip actually relates to statements made while reviewing his portfolio. Young designers take heed and remember these!

Tip 1.) Don't tout your extensive experience and then stammer when asked to name some of your past clients.

Tip 2.) Don't talk about your band "Ring of Dead Children" during the interview.

Tip 3.) Make sure that your primary design work isn't about supporting pornography and how you personally support porn.

Tip 4.) When providing a url of sample web-designs, make sure that it's not your weird personal site.

Tip 5.) If you break Tip #4, make sure that the site doesn't state it's support of bigamy, polygamy, pagans and transsexuals.

Tip 6.) The plight of the Ethiopians in the early 1990's should not be worked into the interview. Ever.

Tip 7.) Don't talk about how all of your work is based off of some 1960's Pop Art artist of no real relevance

Tip 8.) Unless your mother is Hillary Clinton, Angelina Jolie, or the Holy Mary, don't go on and on about her.

Tip 9.) If you bring samples of your fine art intaglio prints, please don't set the metal plates on the expensive conference table.

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I never realized it, but I discovered some startling news. According to a piece of mail that I received, I'm not the man that I thought that I was. Apparently I'm not a man at all, but actually a teenage girl!

Why do I think this? Because I was sent a form for enrollment into the Miss Teen USA pageant.

So I guess from now on I should focus more on shaving my legs than my face. So upon discovering that I am actually a girl, I will have to make some major lifestyle changes. Most notably, I'll have to stop standing up to pee, and I'll have to somehow develop an unnatural attraction to Ashton Kutcher.

Talk about your case of mistaken identity, SHEESH!

SPAM messages often use bizarre statements to demonstrate their points. Sometimes it's obvious that the sentences are written by foreigners who only have a slight grasp of the English language. Here is an example of the benefits to taking Cialis Soft tabs and my response to the claims made in the email.

Cialis Soft Tabs is the new impotence treatment drug that everyone is talking about. It has benefits over Viagra and other ED treatment solutions. Here goes some reasons to choose Cialis Soft Tabs:
1. You can mix alcohol drinks with Cialis Soft Tabs without any undesired effects.
Does anybody else predict a popular new drink called the "Screaming Mimi?"

2.Cialis Soft Tabs does not make you feel dizzy or make vision blurred, so you can easily drive a car or operate heavy machinery.
Thank god those construction workers operating the wrecking ball can now demolish and erect at the same time. Is the union okay with that?

3.Cialis soft tabs works much faster than any known ED treatment solution. Cialis Soft Tabs enters the bloodstream directly instead of going through the stomach, thus you need only 15 minutes till you feel the effect.
It goes directly into the bloodstream and it still takes 15 minutes. Geez, it must take a loooooong time for that blood to reach the old guy's penis.

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I'm sure that most of you have heard by now about Leslie's battle with brain cancer. If this is the first that you have heard of it, I am posting a series of emails sent by Robyn M. telling about the situation.

Subject: Leslie Gipson
Date: Saturday, June 10, 2006 8:36 PM

"I was at the Little Theatre in Sullivan today. After the show we went to Sisters to eat. There was a benefit notice for Lesilie. She has been diagnosed with canceous brain tumor. The benefit is to raise money for her medical bills. It's July 1 at the Shelbyville VFW, There is a $5.00 donation for food and DJ. They have set up a account for her at First Federal Savings and Loan. More information 259-9942 or 273-8752."

Subject: Update on Leslie
Date: Sunday, June 11, 2006 4:13 PM

"Called the number for a contact. Leslie had donated her hair to Locks of Love before she lost is to chemo. She is in the fight of her life. If we can go to this benefit we really need to. She has a 50/50 chance of making it 5 years. The contact person was so happy I called. I told her to be sure and let her know we were praying for her and if we couldn't make the benefit, we'd definately get some money in that account set for her. I was, of course, talking for myself, but if anyone can help, I know you will."

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Have you ever noticed how little the subject lines in SPAM differ, even when they are selling totally unrelated things? I get around 20 items of SPAM a day, and no I'm not talking about that delicious potted meat Spam either, I mean the junk mail SPAM. But I digress. Most of my junk mail relates to two types of offer; those which will make my investment portfolio bigger, and those which will make my hootie-hoo bigger.

So as a test, here are some subject lines for both types of SPAM. See if you can tell which subject line refers to which offer.

Momentous huge growth!
Answer: Stock

Never seen stuff Rock hard manhood, multiple explosions and several times more semen volume
Answer: okay, that one was easy! Medicine.

Never-seen Boost to astonishing levels.
Answer: Medicine

Inexpensive high quality
Answer: Stock

test dyk
Answer: Medicine

overwhelmingly important information
Answer: Stock

Nothing hiDden Anymore
Answer: Stock

the information is in the letter and more of this stuff inside
Answer: Medicine

test iaw
Answer: Stock

you might be interested in this
Answer: Medicine

look through the message watch more inside
Answer: Stock

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I'm thinking of a new halloween decoration that will essentially be a bunch of my cheap skulls put together to make a massive pile. I'm not sure if I want it to be a big, tall column of skulls, or something shorter, but wider. I'd like to make it something that I can out in the yard in October, but stable enough to stand up to the elements and the vandals which seem to abound in that month.

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Yep, I am sitting alone at our community park. I am that big creepy guy that all of the parents are keeping a watchful eye on. I don't blame them of course. I mean, I AM a 240lbs. guy sitting alone at a picnic table, smoking cigarettes and typing into a handheld computer! How much weirder could a guy be? Maybe I should wear goggles, galoshes and yell "J-J-J-JEHOVAH!!!" really loud when anyone comes near. Yeah, that'd REALLY be disturbing, wouldn't it?

Yeah.................. lunch pretty much sucks anymore. Maybe I'll just start working through it.

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The Brat has been grounded since the first day of her summer vacation. I won't go into detail as to why, but suffice to say that she was grounded for the ENTIRE summer. No television, telephones, friends, or music is allowed. Since then, she has learned her lesson. She's a bright kid and understands why she was being punished. She's also working a couple of part time jobs to earn herself some spending cash. Like I said, she's a smart kid. And frugal, much like her mother. Last weekend she purchased a CD because it was on sale, even though she realized that she wouldn't be able to listen to it until she was ungrounded.

Needless to say, she has behaved so well since her grounding, that Her Majesty and I decided to go ahead and unground her today. The ungrounding led to the following conversation:

Me: "Okay Brat! You've behaved so well lately that we're going to unground you."

The Brat: "From everything?"

Me: "Yes, from everything.""

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Spotted this painful example of how it must feel to have to poop Lincoln logs.

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Stalking JP.

As quoted by The Brat.

Letters, we get letters........

Okay, okay! I got tons of letters from people I don't even know. (Like a Rhinestone Cowboy!) I also got letters from either people whom I know, or those who _ don't know, but are frequent contributors to the site. Thanks to all for your concern. I will continue to post my thoughts - and regardless if they be good or bad, they will always be honest. Below are some snippets of email that I have received when I announced that I may quit posting a blog.