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Wednesday, September 28, 2006
Letters, we get letters........
Timmay wrote in about the September 21th post:
So your Personal PR Campaign is getting you some personal PR! Awesome! I skimmed through and listened to your part of that podcast...very nice. I wish they would've mentioned all the worldwide sightings...
I noted a few thoughts while I listened...
1. "SKAL-JO"
2. "Must've made...THOUSANDS of 'em!" (I guess you DID make quite a few)
3. "John was baffled, but yet happy..."
Hilarious!! But I saved one more comment for last. You know I really miss giving you crap all the time... I hope this will do... One of the guys said
this immediately after your story...
4. "God it's hot in here...this is the most challenged podcast we've ever done!"
Take it easy man.
Tim
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
We have two dogs, Daisy and Patches. They're both good dogs, even though they are usually as wound up as a spring. They're part Jack Russell Terriers, a breed known for its hyperactivity. So I shouldn't have been surprised when they broke loose from their pen today while I was trying to clean out their food bin.
The little quadrupeds shot out of the pen and across the yard like two bolts of lightning. By the time that I made it to the road, they were over a block away, jumping and hassling a contractor in his truck.
I walked after them for a block, trying not to be noticed incase they planned on running from me, but Daisy saw me right away! Luckily she has always been an attention craving dog, and as soon as I kneeled down, I had a dog barrelling towards me at frightening speeds. She plowed into me like a steam roller, jumping towards my arms and nearly knocking me over. Then the second wave hit! Patches is the bigger of the two and collided with me like a bowling ball with a wet tongue.
So I scooped up the critters and carried their wiggling bodies back home, one under each arm. I hate the smell of dogs, and I had become a member of their stinky, sweaty pack as I put them back into the pen.
I miserably walked inside, sweaty, stinky, and covered in fur. I would never make a good coyote.
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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Letters, we get letters........
In regards to the September 18th post:
I had a similar experience, I didn't see the faces though..........
-Ed B.
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Friday, September 22, 2006
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Thursday, September 21, 2006
An official Hometown Tale.
Well, the Schaljo is A-OK campaign has made it on the Hometown Tales radio show #108. You can download the show by clicking here.
They talk about the PR campaign about 10 minutes into the show if you don't want to here the whole thing.
The story was greatly exaggerated on the show however, which is how these little stories grown into legends I guess. According to Hometown Tales, THOUSANDS of the flyers were posted, but in reality, merely a few dozen were circulated. But in a town as small as Effing ham, it did the job.
If you love the Hometown Tales podcast as much as I do, be sure to visit www.podcastalley.com, searching for "Hometown tales," and subscribing to the podcast. (Do it -- it's free!).
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Wednesday, September 20, 2006
I've been working on the invitations for our Halloween cookout. The Brat is only inviting five people this year so the planning is nothing compared to the previous years. The invitation is pretty cool though. It's modelled after a coroner's toe-tag and has the details of the party on the back. I'd bought some really gross "body parts" from Wal-mart last week and am thinking of attaching an ear to each tag. Too bad that I can't find a toe to attach to them. But the ear is gross as hell and sticky/slimey, so I guess it will have to do.
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006 - Late Evening
I'm trying to do some "finishing touches" on a few freelance projects that I have slowly been working on over the past few months. Tonight was supposed to be the most glorious of nights! The night of liberation from these dreaded projects.
But nothing in my life ever goes as planned. And it was full of stresses, from losing the handwritten notes detailing the projects to multiple computer crashes. I hate to say it, but I think that my trusty ol' Mac may be getting ready to hit the end of the road. It's been a good workhorse of a computer for nearly six years now and has always been able to handle everything that I've thrown at it. The problem is that it's getting so old that I am having compatibility issues with just about everything.
And I mean everything! Even my web browser is antique (Internet Explorer 5.0), making surfing anything but the most basic websites a complete pain in the arse.
I hate to spend the money to buy a new G5 though. And heck, who am I kidding....... I couldn't shell out that much money if I wanted to. And since it would be such a new system, I'd have to update my design software too (no small chunk of change either - I assume it'd run into the thousands of dollars alone!)
So what happens now?! Do I continue the crashing? Do I reformat and reinstall the old system? Do I need to get a second job? Only time will tell.
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Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Another office conversation:
DJ PJ: “Hey, my friend was telling me that when he was in Iraq, the army taught them how to turn their MRE’s into bombs if they ever lost their weapons. Is that true? Did they ever teach you how to blow people up with your food when you were in the Marines?”
Me: “No, but that was a long time ago. Was he just in Iraq?”
DJ PJ: “Yeah. He just came back.”
Me: “I suppose you could do it, but I never heard of anything like that. A Marine would probably just pick up a big rock and crush their skull.”
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Monday, September 18, 2006
I was checking through the ATA regulations on what is allowed in carry on luggage for international flights. I was curious whether I should even attempt to take my iPod. Anyway, upon reviewing the rules, I was found some very strange facts indeed.
You can't carry hand grenades or sabers on with you! (Really?! C'mon, why would they even have to include this in the form? Do you really think that someone has really asked if this was okay?)
You can't carry on hand lotions, but you CAN carry up to four ounces of personal lubricant with you. (Hmmmm......I wonder if there's a loop-hole in this if you claim that the hand lotion IS your personal lubricant. Genius! Pure genius!)
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Friday, September 15, 2006 - Post 2
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Friday, September 15, 2006
An office conversation with the boss.
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Thursday, September 14, 2006
And the designer thought that no one would notice.
I went to eat some dead cow the other day at Burger King. It wasn't an intentional trip, but I had left my turkey and mayo sandwich in my car that morning and didn't really feel up to dining on the salmonella sandwich by the time lunch had rolled around.
The curious thing about the dinner was the cup packaging. If you look close enough you can see faces hidden in the abstract background of the design. The first one caught me by surprise, but I was astounded to find even more of them once I started looking.
Using my digital camera and the wondrous magic of Adobe photoshop, I was able to isolate these faces and show them to you here in black and white. Spooky??? Maybe. Curiously interesting? Definitely.
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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Early in life, my elders taught me that to be a success, you must strive to learn something new each and every day. Today I learned that squirrels like french-fries.
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Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Something really cool happened today, but before I delve into the gory details, I probably need to clue you in to some of the major elements of the story.
Last year at this time, some friends and I played a little joke on another friend. During our lunch hour, we posted signs proclaiming that our friend was "A-OK."
The signs went up all over the small town and probably caused some confusion since there was no apparent reason for the signs to be posted. What made it even funnier was that our friend had no idea that we were doing this. As time went on, and the digital file for the sign was posted all over the internet, I began receiving photos from around the world proclaiming that "Schaljo is A-OK."
In a related note, there is a weekly podcast called Hometown Tales where the hosts relate weird news and local legends from around the world. Its a very eclectic show that covers everything from the legend of the Bell Witch to New Jersey Pork Rolls.
Today I was contacted by Bryan, one of the hosts of the show regarding the A-OK campaign and he asked if they could cover it on the show. I said "Sure."
So I guess there may be some mention of us to a couple hundred thousand listeners soon! It'll be cool to see if any new "sightings" appear in the near future.
Note: You can download and listen to Hometown Tales by adding this address into your aggregator or iTunes: http://www.hometowntales.com/htpodcast.xml
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Monday, September 11, 2006
Halloween is coming up fast and I've just begun to work on my new projects for this year. My season is especially hectic this year because of my upcoming trip to China in a few weeks. So between the trip and teaching my Illustrator classes at night, I don't know how things are going to work out this year.
One thing that will help is that The Brat has decided to only invite five people to her annual "Frightfest" Halloween party this year. The party usually engulf hundred of hour of planning and building props, but this year it will just be a cookout and music over a creepy campfire.
This is also the first year that The Brat won't be able to go trick or treating, so we are going to try and set up some sort of elaborate yard display for the kids. If we do things right, kids will be too frightened to come into our yard anyway........ heh, heh, heh!
The only prop that I am planning on building is a gross candy dish. I'm wanting something unique, like a dish on a pedestal of bones and guts. Maybe 3 feet tall or so like in the drawing to the right.
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Sunday, September 10, 2006
We celebrated Her Majesty’s birthday today with a little bit of ice-cream cake and some home made chicken and noodles made from scratch by my mother in law. You might think that's not much of a celebration, but then again, you've never tasted her homemade noodles!
MMMMMMMM........
These noodles are the same ones that Her Majesty makes. The award winning (seriously!) noodles that I am sure are a real pain in the hoo-hoo to make. What did Her Majesty get for her birthday you ask? Her brother got her a gift certificate for Bath-&-Bodyworks, the heaven for women who want to smell good, and I bought her a new necklace and three “chick flicks” on dvd.
Her birthday isn't really until next Friday though, so maybe she can expect something a little more from me later in the week! The problem is that her birthday always seems to fall smack-dab in the middle of the customer appreciation party where I work. It's a REALLY big deal that eats up all of my time throughout September.
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Friday, September 8, 2006
Letters, we get letters........
In regards to the September 7th post:
Ladies and Gentlemen of this supposed forum I ask you, is this a case of the defendant properly and articulately stating her case, or of and addle brained father being confused by the supposed facts? When I was young I could talk my way out of anything with my mother or my teachers, I knew that if I talked long enough, I could come up with a reason that I the punishment should be reduced. With my father however, it was a different story. Being less educated, my father had no idea what I was talking about and would double my punishment for using word that didn't exist (like arbitrary or facetious). Its cool that the Brat can manipulate you so easily, now if you can only get her to use her powers for good.
Ps. If she ever says “that's not how it sounded, so I should be grounded” then its time to look in to law schools.
-Poe
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Thursday, September 7, 2006
Father, may I approach the bench?
My daughter and I had a disagreement the other evening about using eye drops. The Brat has allergies and after seeing her puffy eyes, Her Majesty told me to administer the eye drops to our child. So I sat our teenager down and finally got a drop in her eye. Upon trying to give her the second drop, her figiting caused the drop to hit her eyelashes instead of the eyeball. So I tried again, even though she swore to me that the drop had went into her eye.
An arguement ensued, beginning with her twisting away and whining about getting a third drop. She accused me of not believing her, even though I could clearly see that the second drop didn't enter her eye. The end result was me having to ground her. She walked away angry at me and went to bed.
The Brat is only thirteen, mind you, which is why I was surprised to find the following note when I awoke the next morning:
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Wednesday, September 6, 2006
Jon, the webmaster (key thunder sound effect now) where I work, informed me that my pages were all screwed up. I guess it was a bad setting in my tables that made it go all weird. Unfortunately, the error never showed up when viewing the pages on a Macintosh computer. And since I use a Mac at both work and at home, I never noticed that my weblog was all messed up. After checking the pages on my daughter's Pee-Cee, I discovered that the pages have been screwed up for a couple of months now!
Hopefully I've fixed all of the glitches, but if you think things look all screwy again, just email me and let me know so that I can fix them.
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Tuesday, September 5, 2006
The Wonder Product!
Geez! I've seen a lot of strange packaging in my days as a graphic designer, but this rubber jar-opener that my mother-in-law had surely takes the cake! It claims to work like magic! Yeah, look at the picture of the magician pulling out the deformed demon-rabbit from his hat! The monstrous bunny even has a deformed arm with a reversed-hinged elbow, ending in a threatening claw!!!! YIKES!
The package also give a ton of clever, yet seemingly strange uses for the "Magic-Grip" opener. The most bizarre being that it can SAVE YOUR BABY!!!! I'm no safety expert, but the last thing that I would want to have "magically open" is a baby's butthole!
Stinky , stinky!!! No wonder that demon-rabbit was hiding in that hat!
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Monday, September 4, 2006
The hunter who's now down under.
Just in case you've been living under a rock for the past week or so, it was announced today that Steve Irwin, famed for his show, Crocodile Hunter, was killed while shooting a show.
Many of you will remember when Steve burst onto the scene years ago, offering his audiences thrilling yet educational looks into the world of deadly animals and later, child endangerment. What could be more exciting than watching a man cradle his newborn child in one arm while dangling a piece of meat in front of a 3,00o lbs killing machine with the other?!
Steve’s show was a massive hit and inspired not only his series, but a major feature film and a line of toys. The toy company might consider creating one last action figure before Steve loses his popularity and goes the way of Roy Rogers and the Man from U.N.C.L.E. Yep, it's the Scuba Steve and stingray with heart piercing action!
Yes, men like Steve liked to live on the edge, and I'm sure that he would be proud to have been speared in the heart by the barbed tail of a stingray while his child looked on with horror.
Because that's how REAL men die! Steve Irwin, John Wayne, and Abraham Lincoln are surely having a brewski right now, looking down and snickering at all of us wienie little men.
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| The reason why this guy was stupid! That's his newborn baby in his left arm! |
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