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Friday, November 28, 2006
So was it worth it?
So here I am minding my own business at the park where I always eat my lunch. If you'd have asked me before, I would have told you that it's a pleasant place to be.
It's typically a rather serene place to spend my lunches and I often use it to wash away the frustrations and stresses of daily life. I look forward to this time. A time of calm.
Except for today.
Today, this inconsiderate ass of a city worker pulls in behind me and proceeds to burn leaves not 6 feet from my car. Does he warn me? No. Does he say "Excuse me sir, but I am going to burn leaves so you may want to move?" No! Instead, this dumb ass just walks beside my car and starts a fire while I am eating with my window down. What an inconsiderate prick.
Doesn't he know that this is the digital age? An age where cameras are everywhere and can snap the most unflattering photos of you at any given moment? Apparently not!
So this photo is in tribute to you, oh hard working park-district man! May you find joy knowing that hundreds of people have seen proof that you work hard!
Your CRAPPY actions made me very angry Mr. Park-District worker! Butt now I see the crack in my harsh judgement of you. I may have been to harsh with my poopy opinion. It was no big hairy deal, nothing to get your panties in a wad over! I ASSume that everyone else can forgive you too.
Butt then again....
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This is how close the idiot's fire was to me. I shot this through my car window.
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Here is the dedicated park worker at work. I had to shoot the picture through my windshield and the smoke from the leaves. But even so, I think we can all still appreciate his crack technique for igniting leaves. Amazing!
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Monday, November 27, 2006
She should have known better than to ask.
I’m walking across the living room dragging the top of my left foot on the carpet. The strange gait makes a distinctive step, draaaag, step, draaaag, step, draaaaag noise as I cross the room. Wendy, in another room, is puzzled by the sound.
Wendy: “What the hell is that noise?”
Me: “It’s just me.”
Wendy: “What are you doing?”
Me: “I’m dragging the top of my foot on the carpet.
Wendy: “Why?!!!”
Me: “The top of my toes itch!”
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Sunday, November 26, 2006
Of resin chickens and pocket knives.
We went out of town today just to get away from the house. It seemed like we haven’t gotten to do anything together in a long time, even though neither of us have been working overtime. Wendy wanted to go to a small strip mall that we used to visit years ago. We didn’t know it, but the strip mall was barely hanging onto life and was as barren as a abortion screening at the vatican. One store managed to weather the storm though, The Brass Factory. The Brass Factory is one of those over priced stores that sells hokey things such as resin-cast chickens, cheap knives, tables with sailor knots embedded in them, and steel John Deere decorative wall hangings. We’ve never found a good deal there, but always have a blast just looking at all of the miscellaneous, overpriced crap.
Then I spotted something that WAS kind of cool! A rechargeable bug zapper light! I’d never seen one before and imagined how convenient my fishing trips would be with this marvelous product of science. I’d be pulling in the bass while my trust ol’ light would be frying those vampiric skeeters left-and-right. Ant the best part was that it was only $19.99!
In my excitement I went and found Her Majesty to show her my amazing $20 find. I felt like Indian Jones when he found the Ark! But then she pointed out that I read it wrong. It was $119!!!!
That’s crazy! I could hire someone to stand there and swat mosquitoes for $119!!!!
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Saturday, November 25, 2006
The Brat: "Dad, guess what I got today at Kathy's (resale shop)?
Me: Geez, I don't know what?
The Brat: "no, you have to guess."
Me: "A Rob Zombie action figure?"
The Brat: "no, guess again."
Me: "I don't know.... Give me a hint."
The Brat: "Guess hard."
Me: "A diamond! Diamonds are hard.
The Brat: .......
Me: "Steel!!! Steel is hard!!! Y'know, hard as steel?"
The Brat: ........
Me: "My God! Steel!!! Did you steal?! You stole something from Kathy's resale shop?!
The Brat: "Oh, brother."
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Friday, November 24, 2006
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Thursday, November 23, 2006
Ah, Thanksgiving! A day to remember and give thanks to God for all of the blessings that we have in our everyday lives. Yes, the spirit of Thanksgiving and its feasts are filled with camaraderie wrought between friends and foes. Even our Plymouth forefathers had sat with the Indians to feast and come together in the spirit of friendship.
Then we killed all of their food supply, stole their harvests, destroyed their villages, and marched them into small, desolate reservations.
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Tuesday, November 21, 2006
I guess I did something to piss off the birds where I worked, because when I came outside I noticed that they used the driver’s side of my hood for target practice. Little kamikaze mothers!!!!
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Monday, November 20, 2006
What happens in Vegas....
Oh, nevermind.
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Sunday, November 19, 2006
A rotten deal, rotten' flesh, that is...
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| Saturday, November 18, 2006 - afternoon
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| Saturday, November 18, 2006
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| Friday, November 17, 2006
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Thursday, November 16, 2006
Ingenious thoughts.
Reverend Ed and I having a discussion on George Romero's living dead movies:
Dr. Ed: "I like the movies that focus on how the zombies came to life. But it "Land of the Dead" focuses more on how the surviving humans learn to live in a world full of brain eating zombies."
Me: "I think that zombies would be useful for some things. Like miners! You could just send them down to start looking for coal and not have to worry about them dieing from black lung."
Dr. Ed: "Yeah! They'd be great migrant workers."
Me: "A farmer could just turn his army of zombies loose at the edge of a field to start picking and then just come back a week later to get the harvest. Sweet!"
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Wednesday, November 15, 2006
My personal Mobius loop.
In order to continue teaching I have to take a state regulated mandatory Ethics class on the internet this week. Unfortunately I can't access the website because I can't get to my password.
Talking to the IT director:
Me: "I need to get into my email account. I guess the system must have changed over the past semester when I wasn't teaching."
Mr. IT Guy: "Okay, your login has been changed to XXXXXX, and your password is the same as the one for our internet grading program."
Me: "I can't get into the internet grading program either"
Mr. IT Guy: "Yeah, that was upgraded to. All of your access information was emailed to you last semester."
Me: "But I didn't teach last semester and I can't get into my email."
Mr. IT Guy: "Oh......."
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006
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Monday, November 13, 2006
The funniest movie that you've never seen.
Captain Alex and I went to see Borat last night, and I can honestly say that it is the funniest movie that I've ever seen. If I die tomorrow, at least I can say that I've seen a naked 400lbs man wrestling at a convention! Ugh!!! The movie had some disturbingly disgusting parts and more than once I felt uncomfortable laughing at the subject matter. The running of the Jews comes to mind, or Borat being saved in a Pentecostal church comes to mind, but that it what makes the movie so endearing. If you're the kind of person who likes uncomfortable situations or finds humor in the misfortune of others, go see this movie!!!
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Saturday, November 11, 2006
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Friday, November 10, 2006
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Thursday, November 9, 2006
Misunderstandings
Riding in the car with Wendy and The Brat, Wendy and I were discussing ornery things that our relatives had done when they were younger.
Brat: Well she told me that she used to hardboil eggs, peel them and hide them in the neighbors bushes. They would rot and smell really bad, but they couldn't ever find out where the smell was coming from.
Me: I can't believe that! Jerry told me that when he was younger he would stuff potatoes up his neighbors tailpipe with a broom handle!
A look of disgust flushed across The brats face. I could see the wheels turning in her head.....
Me: I mean the tailpipe of the neighbors car!
The Brat: Thank God!!!
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Saturday, November 4, 2006
It was a dark and stormy night.
In lieu of the big Halloween party this year, The Brat opted for a much smaller (5 kids in all) wiener roast out in the country. It was the perfect night for it, the moon was full and the fire blazed in the crisp November air. The shot to the left was taken right before the kids arrived. What better ambience could you ask for on a night-time cookout?
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Friday, November 3, 2006
Hooray for Hollywood
There's a big hype in Hollywood over the success of all of the recent superhero movies. Think about it, just within the past 3 years we have seen Spiderman, the Hulk, Superman, Batman, the Punisher, Daredevil and the Fantastic Four all have big blockbuster hits.
So it shouldn't be a surprise to find out that Paramount is developing a new superhero movie called The Blur, starring Michael J. Fox.
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